Greatest Unsung Romances: Pride & Prejudice

          Sometimes, as I'm watching a movie or reading a book (or both), two characters simply jump out at me as the ones who should have ended up together. The two who should have ridden off into the metaphorical sunset together...either because their personalities were made for each other or because all of the other characters would have been better off had this pairing played out.

Mr. Collins/Mary - Pride & Prejudice 

             He really missed out on something when he overlooked the middle Bennet sister. Yes maybe she wasn't as pretty or outgoing as her sisters...but Mary was the determined brains of the family (meaning that she was determined to be the brains) and had a fondness for attempts at being profound and reading long, dry sermon compilations. She knew she was the plain one and that, among her beautiful siblings, she was the one most likely to end up an old maid and so Mary did the only thing she felt she could do - she fashioned a persona and mind for herself that focused more on the logical and intellectual than the flirtatious manner that Lydia subscribed to. Oh...and she totally had the hots for Mr. Collins.


          Yes Mr. Collins the obliviously socially awkward, toadying clergyman with a near unhealthy obsession about his patron. Mr. Collins the social climber and prime example of all that could possibly go wrong with the 'purchase your living' policy. Mr. Collins the immature and rather thick wannabe who considers himself quite the catch and a suave flatterer to boot. Mr. Collins who can't wipe his nose unless it is condoned and sponsored by the illustrious Lady Catherine de Bourgh.

           You know...I'm actually beginning to feel a bit sorry for poor Mary if that milksop was who she considered to be a fine candidate for a potential husband. Although, to be fair, she had to have noticed that he was probably her only candidate (much like Charlotte did) and that's what part of the appeal was, but still!

         If Mr. Collins had picked Mary, then he would have at least had a wife who would have looked up to him and not made fun of him behind his back (Not that I blame Charlotte!) and Lady Catherine would have loved her, seeing as how her 'plainness' would assure that dear Anne was still perceived as the loveliest young woman in the room. Mary would have been in too much awe of Lady Catherine to mouth off the way Lizzie did and she certainly would have been delighted to listen to Mr. Collins' attempts at being charismatic and eloquent.

       Would the match have actually worked? No. Probably not. If I'm honest with myself, then I have to say that no match involving Mr. Collins could ever actually work out with both parties completely happy. He wanted a trophy wife, not a life partner, and so (shallowly) would have eventually come to resent Mary for her plainness. He was just that kind of scumbag - incurable and completely narcissistic. From Mary's end, I think that once she had exhausted Mr. Collins' rather limited intellect she would have grown restless and discontented as well. Relationships never work whenever one or both participants are simply looking out for self-interest.

        Still...a girl can dream, right? If Mary had married Mr. Collins, Charlotte would have been freed, Mrs. Bennet wouldn't be fretting about 'those Lucases' getting their hands on Longbourne, Lizzie wouldn't be suffering through a slightly-damaged relationship with her best friend, and Lady Catherine wouldn't have a personal vendetta towards all things Bennet. (Of course Lizzie probably wouldn't end up with Darcy in that scenario either, given the fact that his disastrous proposal and her sharp dressing-down was the key ingredient in the change of their relationship, but that's a story for another time.)

         I know that changing one element of a story changes everything. But I just can't help myself; every time I watch Pride & Prejudice I can't help but think that Mary and Mr. Collins were made for each other. If nothing else they would have been happier together than he and Charlotte ever will be...!