Vampires have long been a monster of fascination for we mere mortals, featuring in various stories from all over the globe that have been handed down and adapted through the ages. Certainly with the recent rise in popularity of supernatural and fantasy literature, film, and television it is nigh impossible to escape the undead creatures. One need only look at the spines of the teen fiction section in any local bookstore to get one's Halloween scares for the fascination with vampires has taking a slightly different turning. No longer are they half-rotting demons that are to be feared and hunted down at all costs. No, now the vampire is the hot boy across the cafeteria who draws us in with his electrifying, heart-stopping glare and his lust for our blood. (I guess if that does it for you...)
So in honor of Halloween, I have decided to take a look at the children of the night. Here is a list of the Top Ten Non-Sparkling Vampires. I hope you enjoy...don't forget your candelabra.
10: Mr. Ratburn – Arthur
Although
not technically an actual blood-drinker, this tough teacher features in the
daymares of his students. He is said to
eat nails for breakfast, hypnotize children to not like recess, and to throw
under-performing students in the Bastille. Granted all of these terrible things
are only playground gossip and rumor…but that didn’t make our enjoyment of
vampire!Ratburn any less long-lasting. The concept was funny, had some great
atmosphere and music, and got the point of the strict teacher across quite
vividly.
9: Barnabas Collins – Dark Shadows
No,
I’m not talking about the washed-out, greasy-haired Johnny Depp version. Nope –
for this list I’m going back to the original vampire played by Jonathan Frid
for the 1967 – 1971 run of the ABC supernatural serial Dark Shadows.
Barnabas is a centuries old vampire in relentless search of his lost love,
Josette. Throughout the course of his appearance on the show he shifted from being
a one-off, dark character to the main protagonist (being given noble qualities
along with the fangs) and was so popular that he both featured in the NBC
reboot of the show and two movies.
8: Mavis – Hotel Transylvania
When
I first heard about this film I rolled my eyes and groaned at the thought of another
studio trying to cash in on the bewildering success that is the Twilight
franchise. I just want to stop and apologize right now because this movie is
NOTHNG like Twilight (other than the human/vampire romance…but here it
is done worlds better, despite the fact that the voice actors are Selena Gomez and Andy Samburg)! The movie is (usually) funny and the two characters involved in
the romance actually have some character. Mavis is the adventurous daughter of
Dracula who is curious about humans and the human world. Parallels with Ariel aside,
Mavis is a quirky, fun character to watch. Her interactions with her Dad are
perfect and her annoyance at the dusty old hotel where she lives is certainly
understandable (have you ever had to listen to Frankenstein sing in the shower?).
The love zing between her and Johnny is believable and sweet, rather than
insufferably soppy, and you walk away from the movie feeling like you watched
an actual story with actual people rather than an excuse for half a dozen or so
kissing scenes. I was shocked, especially given the number of childish jokes involved and the way they play fast and loose with the Universal monsters lore (and the inclusion of the Samburg/Sandler duo), just how much I enjoyed this film and the teenage vampire who stars in it.
7: Thuringwethil – The
Silmarillion
Did
you know that Tolkien wrote about vampires? Well, he did. Thuringwethil was a vampire bat-creature who briefly featured in the Lay of Leithian
(the story of Aragorn’s ancestor and Arwen’s great, great grandmother). T (as I
call her) appears only for a few moments in the tale before she is killed –
putting up quite the fight and reputation before her demise – and then her skin
becomes a cloak for Luthian to wear as she and her lover, Beren, steal into the
fortress of Morgoth (the guy who taught Sauron) to recover a Silmaril so
that Luthian’s father will allow them to wed. As I said, T herself doesn’t
appear in the story for long…but it is quite clear from the text and from the
way Luthian’s disguise worked that T was quite the menacing foe during her
prime.
6: Katherine – The Vampire Diaries
Katheine
is an outwardly-sweet character who comes to Mystic Falls and toys with the
Salvatore brothers. She can be both calculating and manipulative and is the one
responsible for originally turning Damon and Stefan. Though Katherine
originally starts out as an antagonist, as the story goes on it is revealed
that she is on the run from yet another vampire, Klaus, who needs her to break
the curse that is upon him. She has a dark back-story that tells of how her
Bulgarian family disowned her after she had a child out of wedlock and banished
her to England (where she first met Klaus). Fleeing from him for years, she
eventually ended up in Mystic Falls where she turned several people and used a
werewolf to steal a moonstone. Katherine is not all bad, though. Despite the
fact that Elena Gilbert is a rival for the affections of the Salvatores,
Katherine does agree to protect her descendant from the supernatural
underworld.
5: Mitchell – Being Human
Mitchell
is a hospital cleaner who shares a flat with a werewolf and a ghost (and, as time goes
on, a whole load of ghoulish creations) but that’s okay because Mitchell is
also a vampire. His image cannot be captured on film and he has no reflection.
He doesn’t scorch in the sunlight, though he is very susceptible to sunburns
and often has to wear sunglasses to protect his eyes. Mitchell is a vampire who
is doing his best to live as a human – abstaining from blood and subsisting on
pizza and coffee, though he does occasionally fall back into temptation.
Constantly conflicted about what to do with his undead life, Mitchell
occasionally strays from his friends and becomes embroiled in the vampire
society of Bristol. But he always comes back to George and Annie because he says they keep him sane and clean.
4: Ms. Finnegan – Doctor Who:
Smith & Jones
Do
plasmavores count? Well – this is my list so I say they do! Florence
Finnegan is a fugitive plasmavore hiding out from the Shadow Proclamation (intergalactic
law) in a hospital on planet Earth because there she will have easy access to
the blood banks. Whenever the Royal Hope Hospital was transported to the Moon
and the Judoon came searching for her, Ms. Finnegan drained the blood of Doctor
Stoker in order to assimilate humanity and fool the mercenaries’ scanners. She
also rigged an MRI machine to send out a wave that would kill everyone within a
certain radius (all those in the hospital and half of the Earth) before The
Doctor tricked her into drinking his blood and she was caught/executed by the
Judoon. In appearance like a kindly, harmless little grandma – Florence has no
fangs or sharp teeth. Instead she carries a handy, dandy straw about in her
purse and uses that to pierce the jugular of her victims. Terror in a nightie
indeed!
3: The Count – Sesame Street
Muppets
“In
old Transylvania when I was a lad/Our castle was cold, yet we never were sad/We
learned to be happy – we danced ‘round the hall/And learning to count was the
key to it all!” For many of us, this was the first vampire we ever
encountered (even if we didn’t know he was a vampire) and boy is he ever a good
one! From the fine evening clothes to the silky accent, everything about Count
von Count is a beautiful parody on the stereotypical vampire – he even has a
cobwebby castle filled with bats and a pipe organ. And he teaches you to count,
how cool is that?
2: Angel – Buffy the Vampire
Slayer/Angel
This character is so cool he even got his own spin-off show. Angelus
(formerly known as Liam) is an Irish vampire who has been cursed with a human
soul – something that causes him never ending torment. Though at one time he
was known as the darkest and most sadistic of the vampires, throughout the
course of the two shows and expanded universe Angel has turned into a champion
of mankind who must constantly deal with the fallout of his former lifestyle.
He is tied in with several prophecies – most relating in some way to the
apocalypse – and is a love interest of Slayer, Buffy Summers, despite his daily
battle against the gypsy’s curse.
1: Count Dracula – Dracula
For
the number one place on this list I wouldn’t dare to look anywhere but
Bram Stoker’s famous classic that defined the modern vampire lore. The book
chronicles the journey of Dracula to London (in search of fresh blood), the
turning of Lucy Westenra, and the subsequent hunt led by Professor Abraham Van
Helsing. It is dark, gothic, frightening tale (even the kids’ condensed
versions are pretty scary) and much of what we ‘know’ about vampires today can
be found within its pages. There have been many interpretations of the novel
and characters (from thrillers to horror to parody) and it remains one of the
best-known novels even to this day. Count Dracula is a terrifying figure; for
all that he barely appears personally within the story, and through his
calculating, thirsty plotting easily earns his place as most memorable vampire.
What: A 1993
American family-fantasy-horror-comedy film focused on the hijinks of three
witch sisters from Salem, Massachusetts. Stars Bette Midler, Sarah Jessica Parker, and Kathy
Najimy.
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