Supernatural Review: Season 9 Episode 20 "Bloodlines"

By: Andrew Dabb

**Spoilers**
If you have not yet watched this episode, please go and do so before proceeding.


          This episode was intended to serve as a back-door pilot for the new SPN spin-off series, Supernatural: Bloodlines. So as a result, this episode did nothing to further the SPN mythology, history, or season arc. And it's the 20th episode of Season 9. Only three-to-four episodes left, people. Remember...we have at least three major plot conflicts to get wrapped up:

1. Abbadon vs. Crowley for control of Hell (my money is on Crowley).
2. Metatron playing God and causing further angel civil war (and Castiel leading a group of rebels...hopefully this will turn out better than last time).
3. Sam and Dean bickering. Though they seem to have agreed to a cease-fire and parley, the brothers still aren't on the most friendly of terms. Hopefully this will be kicked for good very soon.

         I have mixed feelings about this. On the one hand I am happy that SPN is getting a spin-off that could help expand the mythology of the show a bit (maybe...), but on the other hand I feel like we're close enough to the end of the season that we REALLY should be focusing more on the arc.

         What do I think of the spin-off? Eh...it may be okay. It may even be great. As a show, that is. I think that Supernatural: Bloodlines looks somewhat interesting, if a trifle clichéd...but I'm not entirely sure I buy the idea that it takes place in the same universe as Supernatural.

         For starters there is the setting. SPN always has a sort of X-Files or Route 666 feel because the boys, even now that they have the Batcave, are always on the move. Superatural: Bloodlines looks to be primarily stationed in Chicago. Secondly there are the characters. While not all of them are bland, I just didn't connect to them the same way I instantly did to the Winchester family. Heck...I don't even care for them the way I do the Torchwood characters! It isn't helped by the fact that these are entirely new personalities we have to get to know. There isn't one character in this spin-off series that we've met in the parent show (probably because most of those are dead...but still). They would have been greatly helped by carrying over some character who had an already established role and personality the same way Doctor Who did with Sarah Jane and Captain Jack. Given time, perhaps I can come to enjoy these new people, but at the moment I'm not feeling the love. And thirdly there is the story. I'm not sure I buy this whole 'organised crime groups of monsters in Chicago' idea. It just doesn't feel like it fits into the established lore and starts me off on the wrong foot. 

         So yes, I was less than impressed by this back-door pilot for the new spin-off series. It wasn't a bad episode and the show itself definitely looks to have potential, but I think the further away from its parent show it can stay the better. It just feels SO different that it really should exist as its own entity. No crossovers, please? They just won't mesh together well.

Favorite Moments & Random Thoughts:

- "What is this...The Godfather with fangs?!" I'm done. Dean just summed up the entire episode for me. What else can I say?

- The 'romantic' dialogue in this thing made me want to puke. I'm sorry, but it was way too sentimentally sweet to be believable. I don't think anybody actually says stuff like that.

- Although, I'm ashamed to admit I was slightly amused by that poor kid's proposal being ruined by one of the snazzy monsters stumbling out looking like an extra from The Walking Dead. It is also interesting the way the monsters here seemed to be as organized as the witch society from Man's Best Friend With Benefits. I'm not entirely sure if I buy that or not, given the SPN universe as I understand it, but it was still interesting.

- The pacing felt a bit off in the opening too, with the girlfriend being killed off faster than Mary Winchester from the Supernatural pilot. I'm sorry. I just can't feel bad about her death and his emotional scarring because we didn't really have time to get to know her. In the original pilot, Mary's death was traumatic because of the way it happened and because we had seen the Winchester family unit together and happy before that happened. It just had better atmosphere too, which plays a big part in the effectiveness of a scene. Mysteriously burning on the ceiling with your stomach cut open is a far grimmer way to go than just knocked into a steel door and busting your head. That could happen to anyone. Also, stories where people are spurred on by the death of a romantic interest are a dime a dozen. The story of the Winchester boys spending their childhoods being trained to fight their mothers' killer resonates far better.

- I'm going to try to avoid comparing these two shows too much, but it is hard to avoid whenever the pilot goes out of its way to draw comparisons between the two.

- Agent Perth. I'm pretty sure Dean has used that alias more than once. Whatever happened to Frank Devereaux and 'no more rock shout-outs'?

- Also, no matter how borderline-unlikable the attitude Ennis is currently sporting is, Dean still should know better than to try the whole 'monsters don't exist' spiel after hearing an eyewitness account. Didn't he and Sam learn their lesson back with Ronald from Nightshifter? That sort of move NEVER ends well! 

- "What's with the NRA Christmas in here...?" Heeheehee!

- It is true that a 45 or so minute pilot that has to also shoe-horn in an appearance by Sam and Dean simply doesn't have room to properly develop ALL of the spin-off characters as well as I would like, but I still feel like they could have done better. It's a combination of occasionally-clumsy writing and actors that don't seem to have settled into the roles yet. We just don't spend enough time with these people before the big things start happening to care about whether they live or die or experience emotional scarring. And that's bad because we need to care.

- Perhaps they just shouldn't have introduced quite so many characters because they didn't have the time to do it properly. Again with the SPN pilot comparison: we were only introduced to Sam and Dean in that episode. Mary died, John was AWOL, and Jessica was pretty much just there to die in the name of literary symmetry. But why did we care about all these things? We cared because we connected to Sam and Dean. We felt for them, and therefore whenever they reacted to other characters dying or to awful things happening, we did too. That was because we were ONLY spending time with the two of them - getting to know their characters and coming to realize their bond. This pilot just had too many people being thrown at us and is a bit of a confused result.

- There is also a conspicuous lack of Classic Rock in this episode's soundtrack. Apparently the new show won't be using that iconic music. I don't know what to feel about this...

- Why do they show us a black and white flashback to Ennis' girlfriend's death? It happened like five minutes ago...do they really think our minds are that forgetful? Or is it that they know the event was typical, predictable, and not at all moving so they realized it was easily forgotten?

- I'm sorry...Ennis has officially crossed the border from 'bland' to 'annoying' with the scene in the bar where he pulls a gun on that one vamp and shouts at it. That was kind of dumb and I know grief makes us do dumb things, but that was REALLY kind of dumb. Hopefully he'll shape up in the actual show.

- One good thing about this episode is that it gave us an outsider's look at the Winchesters...a type of story-telling that I am a big fan of and something that we haven't really seen since Ghostfacers. That was nice.

- The kid who plays Ennis does a fairly good job with what he's given, but oh my gosh is he made to look like a kid in a Christmas pageant whenever he's on screen with Ackles and Padalecki. It just serves to highlight the way he clearly isn't comfortable or sure what he wants his character to be yet. I'm sure in the spin-off itself he will blossom out, but right now it's a bit hard to watch.

- I do like the way Sam and Dean try to warn him away from the life of hunting. Really...why would anyone want to get involved with that?

- One danger of spin-offs is that they tend to ruin the continuity of the parent show unless they either show slavish devotion to the point of no creativity or break away entirely and become their own thing. I mention this, because I'm wondering what Supernatural: Bloodlines is going to do with the whole demons thing. I mean...that's a pretty big part of what hunters are fighting right now. Are they going to ignore that? Are they going to try and stick with more a monster-of-the-week type of deal the way Seasons 1 and 2 of SPN did, or will they delve into the Heaven vs. Hell mythology too? I'm curious to see how they handle that.

- I liked the callback to the whole ghouls thing. We haven't really seen ghouls since Adam's introductory story Jump The Shark, though they were mentioned briefly in Road Trip. I'm on board with the whole 'warring monster families' idea. I think it could be real interesting to see how this plays out.

- There is also a character named David Lassiter, a shapeshifter who may be on the side of the good. I like him. I'm also dying to ask him which member of his monstrous family works with Pixar Animation Studios and if they're responsible for the Cars franchise.

             This pilot (because I refuse to call it a Supernatural episode whenever it stubbornly refuses to feel like one) wasn't all bad. Sure it wasn't all that great either, but what back-door pilot is? The biggest problem was the fact that it is almost painfully clichéd (to the point that I would suspect it of being a satire if I actually thought it had the humor to do so) and that there was too much going on in too little time. I honestly don't know what to think about this new spin-off. Just looking at this episode, I would say that it is going to be something that you watch whenever there's nothing other than reality television on. It doesn't look to be as great as the parent show and I think the further away from SPN it gets the better, simply because whenever someone compares the two it looks to be less than it probably is. Maybe it'll be interesting to watch, but for now I'm going to cleanse my brain of the clichés by listing off the spin-off series' that I want to see done...even as miniseries':

• Supernatural: Emails From The Cage - The satirical story of the condemned Adam Winchester, waiting for his brothers to get off their behinds and remember him.
• Supernatural: Freaks & Geeks Unlimited - The tales of Krissy and her group of hunter friends as they grow up and learn more about the world of the supernatural
• Supernatural: America's Most Wanted - The untold story of Special Agent Victor Henriksen as he searches across the country for Sam and Dean. Would also explore other hunters' encounters with the long arm of the law.
• Supernatural: Growing Up Winchester - The story of Sam and Dean before they were all grown up. This would heavily feature Bobby, Pastor Jim, Rufus, and John being awesome, of course.
• Supernatural: The Adventures of Mr. Fizzles - Garth's story! I want to hear all about the cousin he took Becky to stay with and how he met his werewolf wife and...I just want more Garth!
• Supernatural: Hellfire - Crowley. Just...just all about Crowley. I'd watch a 45 minute episode just about him making wisecracks and doing Hell's paperwork. It certainly would be more entertaining than what we're getting!

           Okay, so maybe I'm a bit bitter. I guess I'm just disappointed that this unique and wonderful show isn't getting an equally unique and wonderful spin-off. Supernatural deserves better than this, darn it! I give Bloodlines a 1/5. I'll probably check out the spin-off, just in case the elements that interested me pay off, but my hopes are not particularly high.

What did you think? Do you agree with my rating? If not - what would you say differently?

Supernatural Review: Season 1 Episode 4 "Phantom Traveler"

By: Richard Hatem

**Spoilers**
If you have not yet watched this episode, please go and do so before proceeding.


              I think this is the first Supernatural episode that really and truly scared me. This is also the episode that has left me 'incapable' of using public bathrooms without taking a stash of holy water with me. I think my grandmother has a bottle I could borrow...

          I'll just 'fess up right now and admit that, like Dean, I have a fear of flying. A lot of people do. I think it has less to do with the height and close quarters and more to do with the loss of control. It's the same phobia that makes it impossible for some in the passenger seat of a car whenever someone else is driving. What makes it far worse, though, is the thought of something supernaturally going wrong on that plane ride. I may never fly the 'friendly' skies as long as I live...

          No, I exaggerate, this episode didn't scar me that deeply or anything. But it definitely had its moments of utter terror. The story centers around a call the boys get from one of their Dad's old acquaintances (the elder Winchester is still AWOL at this point) asking for the hunter family to come down and help him with a potential case. Ends up that a very low-level demon had been possessing people who were open to its influence and then using their bodies to crash the plane whenever it was en route to its next destination, killing all the passengers and crew.

          This episode is very creepy, full of dark atmosphere of the sort that only hell's citizens can inspire in us. It is also the first exorcism that the boys perform together. But in addition to all of these things there are plenty of funny moments to balance out all of the doom and scariness. I had actual fun watching it and it's definitely one that has a good rewatchability factor to it.


Favorite Moments & Random Thoughts:

- I thought Dean didn't do shorts...

- Also, Sam still isn't sleeping. Dean is right, they're going to have to deal with that sooner or later. Though, it is rather funny that he tried to claim he was up late watching riveting infomercials. There is no such thing.

         

- It's interesting that this episode is the only place that we ever see a demon possess someone through the eyes. Ever after it will be a cloud of black smoke that jams itself down your throat. This demon also looks more like the swarm of bees from Winnie the Pooh than the billowing, directed smoke the the later ones will. I wonder if that is because it is a much more low-level monster than the others that are released later in the show.

- Apparently, despite the differences they had in the past, John Winchester really was proud of Sam for getting a full ride to Stanford and has been bragging about him.

- The boys need a look at the wreckage of the plane, but it's been locked down pretty tight. So what do they do? Pretend to be Homeland Security, of course!

- I just love Sam's reaction to Dean's plan.

- Where does Dean get all of those fake ID's anyway? Does he personally make each and every one?

- The Winchester boys also clean up very nicely, even if Sam can't resist getting a dig in at Dean's expense.

- Sammy also really needs to do something with his hair. Yes it's adorable like that and all...but he looks FAR too young to be Homeland Security. I'm surprised no one busted them as soon as they walked in the door.

- "No survivors" Well that isn't menacing at all...

- "A middle-aged dentist with an ulcer is not exactly evil personified." Oh I don't know. I've always felt that time spent in the dentist chair probably features pretty prominently in some folks' personal Hells.

- Dean built an EMF reader, by himself, out of an old Walkman. That's cool.

- Demons leave behind traces of sulfur. Makes sense, given that 'Brimstone' is one of the archaic terms for sulfur and the Bible says that Hell contains a lake of fire and brimstone. The air of authenticity only makes the whole concept more 'realistic' and scary.

- I really like the guy, Jerry, that the boys are working for this episode. It's always interesting whenever they actually interact with people either they or their father has saved in the past. I also realise that the Winchesters actually had friends and a slightly normal (by Hunter standards) life this season. Wow. How much has changed!

- Another thing that is interesting about this particular case is that Sam and Dean are practically going in blind. In the past few episodes, yeah they have had to investigate, but once they figured out what the monster was they knew how to deal with it. Here the boys are clearly floundering, uncertain, and unprepared to face this evil. My guess is that it is because their father kept them away from demon-related hunts whenever they were younger. Also...apparently possession was a rather rare thing to encounter at this point in the timeline.

- "Now if you boys will excuse me, I have an idiot to fire..." I really like this Jerry character. As supporting cast members who will never appear on the show again go, he's a pretty fun one.

- I'm still a bit scared whenever I watch the scene where the possessed pilot nose-dives the two-seater right towards the ground. Something about the way the camera zooms in and lingers on his empty black eyes just gives me the shivers.

- This scene is why I can no longer properly watch any other show that uses the all-black eyes to indicate a certain type of creature or whatever...I will forever associate it with the Phantom Traveler and all of the other hellspawn that the boys have fought against over the years.

- Sam decides that the best way to stop the demon from killing again is to get on the plane that will be the next target. Dean protests. Turns out he has a little problem with flying.

- One of the scary things about this episode (aside from the fact that it's dealing with an honest-to-goodness evil demon) is the fact that anyone can turn into the monster. It's like Midnight from Doctor Who. Anyone could be possessed at any time and even if they do find the thing, it could easily enough hop a ride on some other poor sod who is nervous about flying. Just think about how many people hold that anxiety in their hearts whenever they board a plane!


- Dean has a fireproof strategy, though...

- It sent a rather nasty chill down my spine whenever Sam sternly told Dean to calm down because he (Dean) was opening himself up to possession by being so ancy. I honestly expected Dean to end up possessed by the end of the episode. Happily, though, I was wrong.

- I still don't know if I buy Metallica as a calming agent, though. Sarah McLachlan, maybe (if she doesn't put you to sleep), but Metallica?! Whatever floats your boat, I guess.

- Hmmm...I wonder why Dean is so scared of flying? Did he have a bad experience? Or is it just the loss of control issue I mentioned earlier?


- Oddly enough, though it features pretty prominently the spin-off novels, this episode is the only place where the use of 'Christo' is employed to identify a demon.

- And really, it isn't that hard to work 'Christo' into everyday, casual conversation. Just drop something or stub your toe or facilitate some other mishap and then swear in Latin. It'll either identify your demon or, if the person is clean, make you look more intellectual. Either way you win.

- It's interesting that this particular exorcism takes two parts. Is that because the demon is lower level (almost animalistic) or because the writers hadn't quite worked out their preferred lore yet? Either way, it provides a lot of great tension in the climax.

- Sammy also gets a rather rude reminder about Jessica's death (as if he ever forgot) as the demon tries to distract him from exorcising it.

               This was a great episode. It was full of humor, dark ideas, and lots of suspense. It started out at full tilt and never let up its pace until the end where it left you utterly and high on adrenaline. It advanced the season arc of the search for John Winchester, as well as introducing vital mythos elements such as holy water and the existence of an afterlife in this universe. Phantom Traveler is a solid 5/5!



What did you think? Do you agree with my rating? If not - what would you say differently?

Merlin Review: Series 1 Episode 5 "Lancelot"

By: Jake Michie

**Spoilers**

If you have not yet watched this episode, please go and do so before proceeding.

             Lancelot is boring. Yeah, I said it, the noblest knight of the Round Table and King Arthur's personal friend is dull as a brick. He's just so noble and upright that there isn't much to be interested in when it comes to him. Except for that whole affair with Guinevere...but that doesn't count when it comes to this episode.

            Not that Santiago Cabera isn't a great actor and very nice to look at, but with this particular character he isn't given a whole lot to work with. Lancelot is just sort of bland. An honorable chap who is unrealistically (given his peasant status) good at fighting and who just wants to join the Knights of Camelot. Oh, and he manages to draw the eyes of Guinevere away from Merlin awfully fast. Is this relationship coming to an end that quickly? They just kissed last episode! Guess it's just going to be another dropped plot thread...

             One thing I don't particularly like about this episode (aside from Sir Bland-a-Lot himself) is that it takes the classic 'underdog' story to heart and stubbornly refuses to do anything new with it. What's wrong with the tale of the underprivileged individual who overcomes his (or her) personal shortcomings, demons, and social snobbery to triumph at life? Absolutely nothing aside from the fact that IT HAS BEEN DONE TO DEATH! By this point, most of the possible story-lines that can be used in literature, television, or film already have been used and the ones that haven't, well, there's a reason for that. (They're usually dumb as mud) But because of that fact we really only have a small story pool to draw from. I spoke before in a Merlin review about how every fantasy genre show has to get in its 'plague' episode along with the 'siege' episode and the 'obligatory forced romance' story. That's because there are only so many pseudo-plausible stories that can be told. The key is that they have to be told in an original, innovative, or self-aware fashion. Either completely blow us out of the water with new twists and turns, have a really incredible setting and characters, or engage in a bit of self-aimed jocularity and acknowledge your own clichés. This episodes does none of those things. It's just as boring as Sir Lancelot is himself.

Favorite Moments & Random Thoughts:

- The sound that the griffin makes puts me in stitches every time. It sounds like the noise a plastic bag makes whenever you're squeezing out the air...

- The graphics on this show has worse graphics than anything on Doctor Who! It literally just looks like Lancelot is swinging his sword at thin air...probably because he is. The creatures don't move naturally, they look like they're playing on a screen behind everyone, and it's painfully obvious that they are CGI. Guess everyone must have used up their budget on making Merlin's eyes flash gold...


- I crack up whenever Lancelot strategically passes out from a little wound on his side (No WAY that could have 'festered' that fast, Gaius!). What a drama queen!

- It should also be noted that this is one of the few episodes where we actually see King Uther outside of the castle.

- "Right, you jumped up dung beetle, this is it. The final test. Pass this and you're a knight of Camelot. Fail, and you're no one. You face the most feared of all foes, the ultimate killing machine. You face me. You're challenge to last one minute free combat. Grummond, Second son of Wessex." Wow. Arthur is SUCH an encouraging teacher...

- Merlin's attempts to lie to Geoffrey are hilariously bad.

- Also...Geoffrey of Monmouth? *SQUEE!* For those of you who don't know, this is an Arthurian Legends in-joke because Geoffrey of Monmouth is the medieval scholar credited with collecting the first legends of King Arthur of Camelot.

- How hasn't Merlin been arrested yet?!

- Also...could they make the scene with Gwen taking Lancelot's measurements any more awkward? Good lord! No subtly there...

- "Destiny and desserts are not the same thing. You played God, Merlin. You set him on a path of your choosing. Tonight you brought him triumph, but who knows what the future may hold." Good grief, Gaius! You're acting like he created life out of dust or something, not copied a phony seal for a friend. Overreacting, much?

- And of course Sir Lancelot is found out and taken away in disgrace, meaning that this episode has added the 'liar revealed' cliché to its already clichéd 'underdog rising' story. Avada me now, please?

- No sense of tension built by the griffin at all. It just moves too stiffly. We can tell that it's CGI and it seems more preoccupied with screeching like a rusty hinge than racking up a supposedly impressive body count. Are we really supposed to treat this thing like a threat?

- Merlin got to do all the cool magic this season. He actually conjures things like flames and water and animates a stone dog. In later seasons he'll be reduced to using The Force to fling people around. It is also nice that in this season he actually acts like a student of magic.

- To be quite fair, the flames on that lance do look pretty awesome, even if the somersault the impaled griffin performs (picture perfect...probably a 10/10 on an Olympic scoreboard) sort of ruins the moment for me.

             This episode ends with Lancelot nobly leaving Camelot to keep Arthur out of hot water and promising to keep Merlin's secret. It isn't a bad story overall in that there aren't any major plot holes and it wasn't entirely pointless...but it is definitely story-telling-by-the-book to the point that you can look at your watch and predict to the minute when each twist is going to show up. In short, it's boring and not very re-watchable. I give Lancelot a 2/5.



What did you think? Do you agree with my rating? If not - what would you say differently?

Film Review: The Muppet Christmas Carol

**Spoilers**
If you have not yet seen this film, please go and do so before proceeding.

           "I will honour Christmas in my heart and try to keep it all the year!" Ebeneezer Scrooge (A Christmas Carol)

           Oh yeah I'm reviewing a Christmas film in April! Somehow that particular holiday is a bit more palatable away from the seasonal overdose of tinsel and 'White Christmas' blaring over the store speaker systems. It gives me a chance to step back and properly enjoy all that is wonderful about Christmas. And one of the traditions in my family (along with the obligatory tree decorating) is a yearly trek through all of the many adaptations of Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol. I think I've seen/read/heard just about them all...and I'm still not tired of it.

         I would have to say that my favorite film adaptation is this one by The Muppets. It's fun, it's zany, it's sarcastic, and it tells my beloved story so perfectly. I'm a sucker for Dickens anyway, but when you add in the magic of the Muppets something very special happens. The film manages to capture the tone and message of the original story very well, but also contains all of the slapstick and bad jokes that make The Muppets so lovable. Right from the opening credits I start getting nostalgia chills and this is a film that I can sit through time and time again without ever getting bored. So shall we take a jaunt down memory lane and take a look at The Muppet Christmas Carol?

Favorite Moments & Random Thoughts:

- I think this is the only adaptation of A Christmas Carol to have Charles Dickens himself (a.k.a. The Great Gonzo) narrating. This is part of what makes it work so well because half the charm of the story is Dickens' extremely atmospheric and memorable prose, which Gonzo quotes frequently. It also helps to explain some of the culture stuff to kids, immersing them in the story with greater ease and yet not talking down to them.

- "I know the story of A Christmas Carol like the back of my hand!" Gonzo (sorry...Mr. Dickens) then proceeds to shut his eyes and rattle off every mole and blemish to a bemused Rizzo.

- Because it is a Muppet film it is also a musical. There are several decent songs and two really good ones. The good ones are (surprise, surprise) the villain songs. The opening number is all about Scrooge:

- It is also one of the best character entrances EVER!

- Ebeneezer Scrooge...how did Dickens come up with some of these names?!

- Michael Caine is definitely my favorite Scrooge. He perfectly captures the fine line between witty sarcasm and stick-in-the-mud grump that embodies Scrooge's character, helped by a phenomenal script. Yes. He even beats out George C. Scott and Mr. McDuck!


- "...secret, self-contained, and solitary as an oyster." I LOVE Dickens' character descriptions and I thank Jerry Juhl for using them in his script.

- "Gosh...this really is a dirty city!" Gonzo then proceeds to use Rizzo to clean off a window. Nice friend, eh?

- While usually I am easily annoyed by comedic side-kicks (Jar-Jar, Mater, Ruby Rhod, Olaf, etc.), Rizzo and Gonzo's antics actually enhance this story.  They provide just the right amount of light-hearted foil to balance out all of the doom and gloom and creepiness. In the original story this was provided by Dickens' relentless sarcasm and here the same is true, supplemented by Rizzo's social commentary on the Victorian era.

- I feel SO sorry for that little caroler. I just want to pick him up and cuddle him, he's so adorable and pathetic and shivering!

- Kermit looks really nice in that Victorian suit. Also, an ice-skating penguin in an feathered bonnet is hilarious to behold!

- The door-knocker that turned into Marley's face used to creep me out SO badly whenever it screamed. Still does, if I'm being honest...

- This film really gets the atmospheres perfect. A Christmas Carol is one of Dickens' shorter novels, but it is none the less rich in tone and description. This adaptation practically breaths that, helped by Gonzo's narration.

- Normally I rant and rail against writers adding characters to a pre-existing canon...but I have to say that I am behind the Marley Brothers decision full force. Why, you may ask? Well you can't split up a dynamic duo like Statler and Waldorf. You just can't. And there was no better role for them to play than that of Scrooge's first otherworldly visitor. So we now have Jacob and Robert Marley and I couldn't be happier!

- "There's more of gravy than of grave about you, whatever you are!" Thank you, Hecklers, for making fun of that DREADFUL pun!

- They also get an awesome song all to themselves and I think any Muppet fan will agree with me that the moment their signature mocking laugh was cut off by a shudder just made the whole thing suddenly darker!

- "True, there was something about mankind we loved." "I think it was their money!" ouch

- I just noticed...Rizzo is wearing a Gryffindor scarf:

- "Ooo...that's scary stuff! Should we be worried for the kids in the audience?" "Nope. This is culture" Ha!

- Speaking of Rizzo...I actually really enjoy the comedy scenes he and Gonzo share to break the tension. It's really tastefully done in that it does get a laugh, but it doesn't distract from where the focus of the story should be.

- It's funny how everyone to do one of these adaptations has a different interpretation of what the first spirit must have looked like. And NONE of them have followed the rather vivid description the book has given. Really? Was it THAT hard?!

- It should be noted that Scrooge's little trip to Christmas' Past is the only place where we ever see a younger version of Statler and Waldorf.

- Also...Fozziwig's Rubber Chicken Factory?! I think I'm going to die of laughter...

- I think the only thing I don't like about this film is their treatment of the Belle/Ebeneezer relationship. Young!Scrooge is FAR too obsessed with schedules and success FAR too early in his life and Belle...is just rather bland. 

- Her song is just as boring, drags out forever, and almost kills the emotion of the scene. C'mon, girl...just dump the jerk already and get it over with! Don't drag him through the mud! This song practically goes against what little character she had (as we have established in our minds from the book) by using the lyrics to rub everything into Scrooge's face. It's just a painful sequence to watch and one that I usually skip so it doesn't ruin my enjoyment of the rest of the film. The one moment that is salvageable is whenever Scrooge himself starts singing along, but breaks down in bitter tears.

- I love the description Dickens gives for the second ghost and the way it was meticulously followed here.

- All of the 'Ho-ho-ho-ing' that spirit does really gets on my nerves after about the first three minutes. Gosh! It's so nauseatingly cheerful that is WILL infect Scrooge...whether or not he wants it to.

- Rizzo ate some waxed fruit. Eugh!

- Miss Piggy is a riot, as usual. I nearly snorted my drink whenever her daughters caught her 'sampling' the chestnuts. 

- It's also hilarious how, in the Cratchit family, all the girls are pigs and both boys are frogs. Certainly beats the Kermit/Miss Piggy hybrid we saw in the most recent Muppets Most Wanted! That kid was freaky!

- Robin and Kermit are ridiculously adorable together. You wouldn't think that a couple of felt puppets could share such chemistry...but they do.

- Robin's song is rather bland too. Not bad...just not memorable the way the villain songs are. I actually forgot that it existed until he started singing. It's an okay song, but it's kind of 'meh'.

- Also...it should be illegal for a frog to be this cute!

- I love it whenever the Ghost of Christmas Present turns Scrooges cruel and snarky words back on him. Karma's a nasty thing, isn't it? Especially whenever it looks like Father Christmas if he rolled in Edward's body wash...

- The third ghosts always kind of scared me when I was a kid. Something about the lack of face just didn't sit right with me. Yet I was fascinated and couldn't look away. Now it reminds me of the Nazgûl's slightly dorkier cousin...

- Gonzo and Rizzo scarper here...and it's for the best. The last thing we need is comedic slap-stick for these portion of the story. Thank you, script-writers, for making that call!

- My favorite scene was always the rag n' bone shop where they're making fun of the man who recently died. Though it always made me laugh sadly a bit too how Scrooge is so determined not to understand of whom they are speaking.

- I'm so glad they didn't shy away from Tiny Tim's death. True the Muppets were never 'just for kids', but I think it really would have been a disservice to talk this one down just for the sake of the kiddos. Kids deserve better than watered-down, milk-toasty tales of rainbows and unicorns where people can be punched and yet not hurt, you know.

           This film is a treasure, faithfully telling the beloved Charles Dickens classic while also putting a new and unique spin on it. The script is awesome, Michael Caine is amazing, the sets and locations are gorgeous, The Muppets are hilarious, the songs are (for the most part) catchy and good, and the message still rings true even through all the zany fourth-wall breaking. The Muppet Christmas Carol is a 5/5. God bless us, everyone!

What did you think? Do you agree with my rating? If not - what would you say differently?

Supernatural Review: Season 9 Episode 19 "Alex Annie Alexis Ann"

By: Robert Berens

**Spoilers**
If you have not yet watched this episode, please go and do so before proceeding.


           Wow. What a mouthful that title is. Supernatural has had some pretty crazy titles before (including, but not limited to, Are You There, God? It's Me, Dean Winchester; The Girl With The Dungeons & Dragons Tattoo; and the old favourite Plucky Pennywhistle's Magical Menagerie) but this just takes tongue twister to a whole new level! They really seem to have an alteration thing going this season too. What's next week going to be...Snacking Sharks Saturday?!

         Anyway. Sheriff Jody Mills has become one of the longest-running and most-beloved recurring female characters on this show, but for some time now I've been waiting for the other shoe to drop. Or the guillotine, to be more accurate. Or maybe the axe...

       The point I am trying to make is that female characters on this show tend to not have very long life spans once they come in contact with the Winchesters. We might make fun of Sammy's bad luck with the ladies, but really any person the Winchesters have ever come in contact with has ended bloody. The only reason some of them haven't yet is because it isn't quite their time to die. Thankfully, Jody lived through this episode. We've already lost Charlie to the fae realm and Mrs. Tran is off looking after her dead son...we need all the good girls we can get!

        This was another 'okay' episode. Most of Season 9 has been just that...'okay'. Nothing awful, but nothing all that spectacular either. To be honest, I'm a bit disappointed. They had something really epic set up with the Angels on Earth and Cured (sort of) Crowley vs. Abbadon thing going, but even now it feels like they're just stalling with standalone episodes instead of getting the arc going. I hate to say it, but I think they've dropped the ball. Maybe I'll feel differently once we get the finale and I can go back to watch the whole season straight through again...but for now I am feeling rather disconcerted by the choices made this season.


Favorite Moments & Random Thoughts:

- Right from the beginning I knew this episode was going to be fun to watch at least. How did I know this? Because Jody Mills got to burst in and behead a vampire in the opening credits...coolly stashing the body in the trunk of her patrol car after it is over.

- Vampiric Stockholm Syndrome. Is that nastier than the regular kind?

- "When Mama finds me, she'll kill me."

- I...may have teared up a bit whenever Jody revealed just how much she still misses her husband and son. Poor woman has lost almost everything!

- One thing I have found interesting is that the longer a character spends around Sam and Dean and the more integrated into the odd little family the Winchesters have going, more and more of their wardrobe starts going plaid. I'm not sure if that's an Easter-egg running gag by the wardrobe designers or just an unintentional coincidence. It just cracks me up.

- I am really starting to feel trepidation about what's going to happen to Jody now. She may have survived this episode, but we just never know.

- That girl Jody had arrested (Alex or whatever you want to call her) REALLY rubs me the wrong way. I just want to slap her. And I don't think much of the actress' choices either. She plays the character too belligerent and rude to be taken seriously, but all that prickliness is too flat to have come from a real person, and she is socially functioning enough that there is no way we can believe she was a feral child raised, brainwashed, and used as a chew-toy by vamps since she was very young. The rest of the 'family' is very creepy and strange. Why is Alex so unbelievably different? It doesn't make sense.

- EUGH! Oh YUCK! Bobby using the woodchipper to dispose of the okami was awesome because he was improvising. A vamp using a woodchipper to prepare dinner is just nasty. There goes my appetite!

- I'm really starting to get worried about the way the Mark is affecting Dean. Yeah he's always had a bit of a vendetta against monsters who go after kids (or after his brother), but he's never really taken actual pleasure out of putting them down. Relief at a job done, joy at lives saved, and happiness to have lived to fight another day, yeah...but never this almost sadistic pleasure. Not even Hell could do this to him. I have a bad feeling about what the season finale will bring...

- Why is it whenever Sam gets tied to a chair they always use duct tape? Is that like Kyptonite for Moose or something?

- If Alex is supposed to be the bait for her brothers' victims...why doesn't she know how to fit into society better? Maybe you could argue that she just wasn't trying whenever she was arrested, but that would have been the BEST time to blend in. So how am I supposed to believe that twaddle?

- At least Jody survived...

 
            This episode was okay. Not great, not bad, just kind of 'meh'. There were moments that were fun to watch (most notably involving Jody), but also a lot of things that just failed to add up or impress. It did little to advance the season arc and felt like filler fodder. Even the Winchesters felt rather phoned-in, while Sheriff Mills OWNED the episode all on her own. Alex Annie Alexis Ann is a 2/5. I probably won't be watching it again.




What did you think? Do you agree with my rating? If not - what would you say differently?

OUAT-Wonderland Review: Episode 7 "Bad Blood"

By Jane Espenson

**SPOILERS!**

If you have not watched this episode, please do so before continuing!

After the shocking events at the end of the last episode (namely, Alice's father getting shanghaied to Wonderland) I was very excited to see what they would do next.

And.. cue "Jafar The Misunderstood Love Child--Part 2!"
What a let-down. At least we discover how he found out that the Sultan was his father. An oddly not-sad scene opens the episode, where Jafar's mother is dying and leaving him orphaned. Jafar has grown up thinking that he has always lived a life of poverty, and that his father died, but his mother gives him a ring the Sultan had given her and tells him to present it to the Sultan, because "You are his blood. He will not turn you away."

Oh dear me, this lady has an inflated idea of her own importance. He is Sultan, after all; he probably has many wives whose children he would very likely regard as more legitimate than this son-of-a-street-rat from the outskirts of town whose mother he might not even recall. Good luck with that one.

From there we move back to Alice, who is convinced that reaching Cyrus is as simple as climbing a mountain—
Till she discovers that said mountain is situated on an island floating in midair over a really large lake. Oh boy; it's going to take a lot of cleverness to figure this one out. I could really go for an obscure but inordinately specific plot device that possesses the exact properties needed to achieve our goal right now...

MEANWHILE... The Red Queen is conducting a search for the genie, hoping to find him before Jafar even knows he's gone.

Oh, so close! Jafar crashes her little search party, and she's got to tell him, because he's throwing his weight around like he owns the place, commanding her guards and such. The Queen is none too happy about that.
Jafar goes down to the dungeon to see for himself, and the old man won't tell him where Cyrus went.

He goes down to his lair, where Edwin is strapped to a chair. He seems very keen on Edwin's relationship with Alice and all his mannerisms--which hand he uses, how he cleans his glasses, etc. He draws a bit of Edwin's blood for a potion, and his intentions become painfully clear: he's going to steal Edwin's identity and convince Alice to make a wish to save his life.

Back on the shore of the lake, Alice and Will are trying to figure out how to reach the floating island. Alice has them both empty their pockets to see if they find anything useful in them. What we get is a rather entertaining insight into each of their personalities.

(Will: "Right... Let's see, dice, dollar bill, the keys to Granny's—she's going to be right miffed about that—lint, and a peanut. *pops it in his mouth, chews once and spits it out* Stale peanut."
Alice: "All right, I have a dagger, my sword, a handkerchief, and the last two wishes." (Really, Alice? I mean, talk about being prepared for a journey into Wonderland... apparently all you need are weapons and a hanky!)
Alice says they need something with the power of flight...

"It's physics, Knave..." And all I can think is^^

Remember what I mentioned before about inordinately specific plot devices? Case in point: They're standing on the lake and it's silent. Right when they're playing "What Has It Got In It's Pocketses".... A chirping sound starts in the background. Of course it sounds like a bird... but Alice immediately identifies it as a "birdbark tree" which, when uprooted, possesses the power of flight. (Well excuse me for not knowing the difference!)

Ya don't say! That's nifty! "Alice the Clever" comes up with a plan: they build a basket, attach birdbark branches to it, and float up to the island, rescue Cyrus, and the added weight will cause them to sink back down again. When magic meets science... er, physics....

IN THE FLASHBACK... Young Jafar is brought before the Sultan, having stolen from the guard. The Sultan of course says the well-known law, "Any thief must lose the hand with which he stole." Jafar immediately extends the hand wearing the ring his mother gave him. Astonished, the Sultan recognizes the ring and actually remembers the woman he gave it to. Of course, when Jafar tries to call this man father, the Sultan refuses--and rightly so, I might add.
There is no reason why Jafar--a boy who has grown up in the slums--can be expected to lead the life of a king, over one who has been groomed from birth in the palace. Then, too, there is the matter of inheritance--just because a poor woman had a child by the Sultan doesn't make the child royalty. Particularly if the illegitimate child shows up after the Sultan has already designated his heir... even if said heir is a miserable, stammering, spineless twit. The Sultan makes Jafar the prince's servant and tells him never to refer to him as "father."

MEANWHILE... As Alice and Will are building the basket, who should appear but "Edwin" (as played by Jafar)! He is appropriately astonished at actually seeing Alice and the truth of what she had been saying, and furthermore remorseful for not believing her from the first. She's still resentful that he didn't trust her enough to believe her without having to come, but he's here now, so she resigns herself. He offers to help them, and assists Will in readying twigs for the basket while Alice gathers more sticks.
This gives time for some speechification from Will, who tells father and daughter off for their enmity; he tells "Edwin" that he's been a terrible father to Alice, and he should step up and be the person she's always needed him to be. Will then goes to Alice and tells her that she should forgive her father, because it's the right thing to do. "And you always do the right thing, Alice."

Of course, while this is going on, "Edwin" secretly engages in a bit of magic and summons a dragon to perhaps annihilate Alice and Will, or at least create some chaos. The dragon chases them off the beach and into a little clearing a ways away, where it threatens poor, defenseless "Edwin." Alice must jump in and save him, which brings the two of them a little closer together.

Continuing the flashback, Jafar is standing by as the Sultan is trying to prove the prince's prowess in foreign affairs... but young Mirzah is dull-witted and unable to provide the answer. Jafar of course not only speaks out of turn--which is a heinous offense for a servant--but when the Sultan reprimands him he nearly calls him "Father"! 
This is what annoys me: I'm sure if Jafar had at least tried being the best servant he could be, there might have been merit in his efforts to get his father to accept him, and we can feel more sorry for him. But it's stupid writing that has to shorten the timeline on things like this that make the whole thing more Jafar's own fault than I'm sure the writers were originally intending.
As matters stood, I wasn't at all surprised when the Sultan confronts Jafar privately and tells him something he will remember into adulthood: "True power comes from fear"--before dunking him in the washbasin and holding him under the water to drown him. He tells the servants to throw young Jafar out with the trash--from whence we know he will revive (because of latent healing powers from his mother?), be accepted by a brutal blacksmith who will victimize him so much that he will seek out the sorceress who will teach him magic to be able to exact his revenge.


MEANWHILE... The real Edwin is imprisoned in another cage in Jafar's dungeon. We see him praying over a bowl of soup (to the old man's amusement), and in the conversation, the old man expresses regret for not doing the right thing for his son when he had the chance.

MEANWHILE... "Edwin" (Jafar) joins Alice and Will for a bit of supper since they're staying on the beach overnight. Alice gets suspicious when "Edwin" fails to display the one personality quirk Jafar never reckoned on: he does not say grace before he eats. This gets her guard up, and she leaves with Will immediately. Jafar dispenses with all pretenses and pursues them.


The next day, Alice and Will have found a cliff level with Jafar's palace. Just when they're discussing what to do next, Jafar appears on the magic carpet with Edwin. Alice has no idea that Jafar had been the one impersonating her father, so she thinks this man is still the fake one. Jafar threatens his life, and just when Alice is going to call her bluff, Edwin confesses how exactly he hurt her so badly, and tells her he doesn't deserve her forgiveness because of the pain he's caused. Alice realizes he's her real father, but it's too late, and Jafar drops him from that height. Desperately, Alice uses her second wish: she wishes her father back home.

He appears on the couch where he left, and dismisses the whole thing as a dream.

Alice, meanwhile, is sure she can find Cyrus before she has to make her third wish.


Back in Jafar's past, he is now a powerful sorcerer with his staff-that-was-the-sorceress. He charges into the palace and demands that the Sultan accept him. Now that enough time has past, we see that the Sultan is in fact the "old man" from his dungeon. He staunchly refuses Jafar's demand, even when Jafar holds a knife to his throat and kills the prince. But Jafar will get what he wants, so he has his father imprisoned till he consents to claim Jafar.

In the prison, having lost his leverage against Alice and put her even more on her guard, Jafar rages against his father in the dungeon. He points out to Jafar that he, himself, has learned an important lesson that is very different from the belief he communicated all those years ago: "What good is love and respect if it has to be stolen?" Yeah, that would have been a good life lesson to teach Jafar all those years ago instead of the one he learned...

Father and son have a little bit of a showdown, where the Sultan decides that enough is enough, and he ought to stand up to his son and take away the thing he wants most. He backs up and drops over the edge of the platform to his death--but Jafar had anticipated that, and catches him on the flying carpet. He puts the Sultan back in his cage, reminding him who's in charge.

ONE MORE THING BEFORE THIS ENDS....

Speaking of Cyrus, the very last scene in the episode is his first and only in the episode. (Irony, anyone?) Basically, he survived jumping into the lake, he wakes up and says "Alice!" The End.


FINAL SCORE: Once again, Will Scarlet saves the day. Everything else was so haphazard and melodramatic hodge-podge that this episode wouldn't be the same without him. Evident, too, is the effect on Alice. I felt she was much stronger in scenes with Will than the scenes with Cyrus. She is still overly romantic, but at least she has some sense talked into her, and she noticed something was off with her father in time for her and Will to do something about it.

Whereas this episode was probably intended to offer more strength to the villain--as with all the "villain back-story episodes" so far, it falls deplorably flat. I'm actually agreeing with the way the Sultan treats young Jafar, and more so when he stands up to Jafar and defies him at the end. But it wasn't intended that way--so, fail?

The visual effects were, luckily enough, not too noticeable to be recognized as artificially generated. I'm actually surprised, looking through photos on Google, just how much of this show is done in front of blue or green screens. Even the dragon was suitably fierce.

The banter in this show was laden with "leading lines" that are obviously forced into the script because the characters must get from point A to point B, meant to evoke a specific response--and then the writers feel justified in writing that specific response because it "fits," right? Um, no. (and unfortunately, there weren't enough Knave-quips to save it this time...)

I will say that this episode had a healthy amount of Conflict/Resolution. The Edwin who found Alice and Will on the beach might not have been the real one, but Alice was able to work through her feelings about him, in time to receive an apology from the real Edwin. It wasn't very intense.. but it was a lot better than the conflict in most "back-story" episodes.

Altogether, I give this episode a 7/10.

Heroes: 5/5
Villains: 2/5
VFX/Graphics: 4/5
Banter: 3/5
Conflict/Resolution: 4/5

Next Episode

NuWho Review: Series 3 Episode 5 "Evolution of the Daleks"

By: Helen Raynor

**Spoilers**

If you have not yet watched this episode, please go and do so before proceeding.

           I was actually surprised by the amount of people who responded to my review of part one to this two-parter, saying that they actually loved it. It's rather funny to me because, not only is it nice to see so many messages, but I thought that was a TERRIBLE episode! Guess it just goes to show what a diverse and controversial following Doctor Who has gathered over the past fifty years.

        So shall we check in with He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named (also known as Dalek Thane or the Human Dalek) and his army of porcine mutants? Oh...and the adorable Frank. We can't forget him!

      I actually liked this episode even less than the first one...partially because there wasn't an awesome musical number and partially because even The Doctor was behaving out of character. Guess that Gamma strike scrambled his brain a little bit more than usual...no, wait, that happened after the OOC behavior. Huh. Guess I'll have to blame it on bad writing. Again.

   
Favorite Moments & Random Thoughts:

- While the Daleks gossiping in the sewer may be one of the few things I actually enjoyed about this episode, that scene just completely destroyed what little credibility as threats the Daleks might have retained after Doomsday's snarkfest. I physically cringe whenever I think about it. Moffat didn't ruin the Daleks. Yeah he hasn't exactly made it better (though, to be fair, we have to blame Gatiss for the Skittles Daleks) but the downfall started right here.

- Frank is still cute. And now rather badass too. It's my one consolation as I watch this thing...

- I'm pretty sure that I'm not meant to be laughing during the whole Pigs Attack Hooverville (that sounds like a crappy film title) but I just can't help it. The action is cheesy, the music terribly melodramatic, and the Daleks are taking mercy shots. Seriously...they spend more time blowing up burn barrels than they do exterminating people. They have no dignity any more.

- Also, why is The Doctor just standing there and watching the destruction? He should be working to save people, not looking on with a slightly bemused expression and then flinging himself forward as a sacrificial lamb of stupidity.

- It is a bit interesting the way the Daleks are observing that the humans always manage to survive, despite all odds. Unfortunately it led to both OOC behavior from the xenophobic pepperpots and yet another over-exuberant 'humans are AWESOME!' speech from The Doctor. I know he's supposed to love humankind and all that, but sometimes the writers go way overboard with the amount that he expresses this love. We're not the only race in the Whoniverse that he looks after, you know...

- Martha doesn't really do much in this episode. And that makes me very sad. While I do get sometimes annoyed with the idea that the Companion must prove their worth by being the one to save the day, I get equally annoyed whenever they're just there as an exposition excuse and a piece of the scenery. Rose had this problem from time and I am so disappointed to see Martha fall into the same trap.

- Writing-wise, this episode actually doesn't look all that bad on the surface. It has a beginning, middle, and end that pick up from where the first one left off with few hitches and doesn't switch plots partway through. So why have I been complaining about it in this review? You see...just because an episode has a solid, by-the-book plot,  that doesn't guarantee that it will be executed well. Pig slaves might fulfill the role of evil minions, but that doesn't mean they do it well. Whenever I review an episode and decide on my rating, I am not just looking at the writing, special effects, and themes of an episode/film but at the entire experience as a whole. So even if I look at something and see that it fulfills all of the obligatory writing check boxes, if it still doesn't come together and be something engaging it will get a lower rating than something else with slightly more off the wall writing and yet better execution. Experience is everything.

- One of the biggest things in this episode that just doesn't sit right with me is The Doctor working with the Daleks. I don't care if the Human Dalek (*shudders*) said that he had seen the light. The Doctor would never work with his worst enemy by helping them to wage biological warfare. Nope, no...just no!

- Why was he so surprised whenever he was betrayed? Shock of shocks...the Daleks lied.

- I should very much like to know how The Doctor being electrocuted by the gamma strike (Visual reference to Frankenstein, perhaps?) transferred his DNA like that. I'm calling foul until proven otherwise. It just doesn't work like that...even by the laws of technobabble.

              This episode was just very confused and muddled where the message was. Did the human daleks resist the brainwashing because they were part-human or because of The Doctor's DNA? How did they even get his DNA? Wasn't this supposed to be a 'pat humankind on the back' story? While I did smile a bit at the ending to Tallulah and Laszlo's story, I was just relieved that the story was over. It had a few moments of promise, but overall failed to be either memorably bad or extraordinarily good. Evolution of the Daleks is a solid 2/5.





What did you think? Do you agree with my rating? If not - what would you have said differently?