OUAT-Wonderland Review: Bonus Episode "How It Could Have Continued"

 Ohh, Once Upon A Time in Wonderland... 

To come so far, and FAIL SO HARD.....

To begin so strongly, and then nose-dive the minute someone whispers "the C-WORD" (cancel)...

Good grief...

Have you ever read a book and felt like you couldn't care less what happens to the characters or how it turns out? Did you ever wonder why you felt that way? Or let me put it another way: you're writing an essay for English class, and--big surprise--you hate English class. So you get through the first paragraph and feel okay about it. One problem: you still have four more paragraphs to write. So you plug away and manage to scrounge up another point to hash out for Paragraph #2. Not bad, huh? Still not halfway, though. Paragraph #3 ends up being a covert summary of Paragraphs #1 and #2... by Paragraph #4, you realize that you don't even care anymore. You figure your teacher is just looking for grammar and mechanics, not necessarily content, so by Paragraph #5, you're just slapping cool-sounding words in complete sentences and stringing them together to fill the page length and word count.

This is what happened when Once Upon A Time In Wonderland got cancelled three episodes before the finale... the writers stopped caring, and just wanted to tie up loose ends and fill in the time slot for three more weeks.

I guess the writers thought they had more important business to attend to... like screwing the lives of every good character in Storybrooke, and killing off the halfway-decent characters "for dramatic effect." Because when you stop caring, the least little aspect of real creativity sounds like too much work.

Come on, man... That's just not even fair anymore!

Seriously, people; the "crossover into Storybrooke" I was promised turned out to be an absolute joke, Jafar failed as a villain so they had to bring in a creepy lady actress (another "nobody" from Australian soap operas) to try and give the heroes a real run for their money... but it was all ending in three episodes anyway, so what was the point in that?
What happened to introducing the traditional characters that we all know and love already in a new and freshly-imagined light? We have Agrabah, Jafar, genies... why not Aladdin or at least Jasmine, for crying out loud? Why is it so hard for citizens of Storybrooke to keep their lives afloat, while all Alice and Cyrus need are a bit of "faith, trust, and... genie magic!" to outwit Jafar-the-Whiny-Love-Child, who even has the kindness to get the real villain--the skin-crawlingly-heartless Jabberwocky--out of the way because he wants all the power for himself--even though he has already proven he doesn't stand a chance against the heroes? Did you really have to go all "Game of Thrones" and just kill off Anastasia with no warning and no precedence? I mean, I realize it gives Will the motivation to switch sides for approximately five minutes, and it gives Jafar the chance to flex his "raise-the-dead" powers without the hassle of creating another character for no one to care about in the last episode...

Bloody hell, just SMITE ME ALREADY!!

And do I have to mention Amara? How she was "trapped" in the staff all this time, and decides to free herself off-screen somehow, just in time for Jafar to kill Cyrus to force her to help him with the Ultimate Spell... Maybe instead of hassling the Sultan to call him "son" and spending all that time raising Anastasia and making her fall in love with him,  Jafar might have had more success and pleasure in seducing Amara in front of Cyrus and forcing him to call him "father."

They spend eight episodes building a story... then pull the rug out from under the viewers by systematically dismantling the foundation in the next five episodes.

Snape = Me
Ron = The Writers of OUAT

Ever wondered how it might have turned out if the writers cared at all? In the spirit of both the original Once Upon A Time early seasons of strong storytelling, and also those "How It Should Have Ended" videos that everyone loves to watch, allow me to present an "Extended Episode Guide" for "How Once Upon A Time in Wonderland Could Have Continued."

Episode 8 ends with that first stroke of lighting at the same time the White Rabbit opens the portal, just after Will makes his wish. Of course, he disappears into the bottle and drops into the portal the Rabbit had dug to the Enchanted Forest. A second lightning bolt strikes the portal, though, and the other three end up in Storybrooke.

Goals achieved: Successful crossover, establishment of new story arc.

Episode 9: the only place Alice knows about in Storybrooke is a place called Granny's, because Will carried the keys to her place. They are walking into town and cross paths with Regina's car, so she knows that three strangers have just arrived in Storybrooke. The trio meets Granny and Ruby and finds out that Will is in fact not in Storybrooke, so they get connected to Jefferson to try and return to Wonderland in case he got left behind, but just then, Jafar arrives in Storybrooke, confirming that all of them had made it through--but where is Will? Anastasia is the only one who knows about their shared history in the Enchanted Forest, so she figures out that's where he'll be. She uses her own magic and Jefferson's hat to enter the Enchanted Forest.

New character introduction: CHECK!

Meanwhile, Will's bottle is floating in a river, but it's in the Enchanted Forest, not in Wonderland. It is picked up by a young serving-woman, who opens it, and Will immediately identifies her as Jasmine, or Jazz, his childhood friend.

Goals achieved: introducing new Disney character with a twist on the original story that connects it with Once Upon A Time characters. Also, introducing the OUAT-Wonderland characters to characters from Storybrooke... since that didn't happen in the actual Wonderland series, but could have! Also, the creation of tandem storylines... a regular favorite with OUAT writers, am I right?

Episode 10: Nobody quite knows who Jafar is except Regina (who received a visit and learned that he's looking for the people she saw) and Mr. Gold, who knows where Alice and Cyrus are hiding because Belle saw them at Granny's Diner and told him. Jafar is trying to get Regina and Gold to cooperate with them, but Regina is too busy trying to maintain the upper hand over him, and Gold has now sided with Alice and Cyrus in trying to stop Jafar from taking over all of Storybrooke. Cyrus knows that the surest way to stop him is to find out how to lift the genie curse so they can do it before Jafar finds out that Cyrus isn't a genie and the Knave is, at which time the whole Enchanted Forest might suffer from the petulant little wizard's "wrath." He can't do that without access to the Well of Wonders, though... so Gold obligingly summons Nyx to the well in the forest outside Storybrooke, and she reveals that Cyrus' mother--and the stolen water--is there in Storybrooke, and can be returned to this well to lift the curse. Meanwhile, Will finds out that Jasmine is the servant of one Drizella Tremaine... Anastasia's sister. They arrive at the house just in time to see the reunion between the two, and Will agrees to help Jasmine escape and find her true love "Allan of Dale", who was drafted onto a ship as a cabin boy a few years prior by a vindictive Drizella, who noted how much Jasmine loved the "outlaw" (who was one of Robin Hood's Merry Men at the time, just after Will's departure) and desired to deprive her of it. She agrees not to use her wishes if he helps her. Meanwhile, Drizella finds out that there was a genie just slipped out of her grasp, so she forces Anastasia to go along with her as they chase after the runaways.

Never were there such devoted sisters...

Goals achieved: Villain established for the "Will/Anastasia" story arc, canon reveal for the Alice/Cyrus story arc, Drizella Tremaine introduced, Allan-of-Dale (both a character from Robin Hood stories.... and a reasonable stand-in for Jasmine's Disney love interest, Aladdin) introduced.

Episode 11: So now that Cyrus knows his mother is there in Storybrooke, all that remains is to find her—for which he needs the Lost-and-Found. Of course neither of them wants to go through the trouble of going to Wonderland, finding the Caterpillar, and trying to negotiate a trade—so Gold offers to go instead... On the condition (because the Lost-and-Found is such a handy little object, and at this juncture, Rumple still might be interested in finding Baelfire) that they let him keep the thing once they're finished with it (because finding his mother is basically all he needs it for; once she is found, he won't use it again). They agree, so he gets it for them. Of course, while this is all going down, Jafar seeks out the second most powerful magic being in Storybrooke, Gold himself, and actually does the smart thing in wanting him for an ally after he fails to win over Regina. Gold of course doesn't need Jafar's puny, pathetic excuse for magic, and lets him know, furthermore, that he's working against Jafar. The grandiose sorcerer soothes his injured dignity by finally figuring out that the genie he seeks is Will, in the Enchanted Forest. He knows that Will is without his heart, and knows that Regina is the daughter of the one who took it from him, so he again tries to curry favor with her, to have her get it for him (because if there's one thing Jafar's character is consistent on, it is the premise of "Why do something yourself when you can get someone else to do it for you?"). What he doesn't know, though, is that Regina already has the heart locked away in her vault, because she chanced to see the White Rabbit poking around the Knave's apartment, and so discovered the hidden heart.

While we're at it, why can't Allan
look a little like this Jim Hawkins?

Meanwhile in the Enchanted Forest, Will and Jazz get to the shipyard and find that the ship Allan had been on had been raided by pirates—led by the dread Long John Silver. According to a chance encounter with the blind pirate Pew, Allan was one of the few crew members left alive because Silver needed a boy of his demeanor to get them through the booby traps protecting the hoard of Treasure Island. Switching to the pirate crew, it is revealed that the trove is empty, but to save his neck, Allan brags that his girlfriend's mistress is rich enough to satisfy all the pirates, and so convinces them to take him back to the Enchanted Forest. They return just in time for Will and Jazz to see them, so they follow them back through the Forest.

Goals achieved: Yet another character introduction, another story introduced: Allan is now basically Jim Hawkins from Treasure Island. Also, battle lines have been drawn in Storybrooke, and canon objects and characters have found their way to the right places at the right time to set this whole thing up for great times.

Episode 12: With the Lost-and-Found, and Regina creating a diversion, Alice ad Cyrus break into City Hall to look for his mother. Of course, they can't find it, but what they do find is evidence that Jafar knows about Will's heart and he is using magic objects to try and find Will, which gives the couple a new sense of urgency. They are almost caught by Jafar, but Amara (in the staff) knocks him out for trying to kill Cyrus, and they find out that she is in the staff. 

DID EVERYBODY FORGET THIS EVER HAPPENED IN
SEASON 1??? REALLY??? WHAT ABOUT THE BABY??

Meanwhile, Anastasia and Drizella are hot on the trail of Will and Jazz. They find out about the raid, but by then, the pirates are back in town, so Anastasia uses her magic to try and track them, while Drizella pretends not to know about that sort of thing—but in reality, she has magic of her own, which she uses to contact her stepsister Ella in Storybrooke, to get her to send something that Drizella knows is important to Anastasia and Will.

Goals achieved: Ramping up the action, opening the story for more flashbacks, using characters in their expected roles to contribute to the story, not twist it in knots or turn it on its head. Canon reveals, and secrets saved for later. Also, further establishing Drizella as a force to be reckoned with; she has been vapid and annoying so far, but we begin to see her devious side come out.

Episode 13: (This is where the original finale came in, but take a moment to observe how much of a story has been built so far, and how much more we have to go in this "extended version"!)

So this episode is where things start coming to a head. Ashley (aka Ella) is debating whether to do what her stepsister asked or not, and her behavior arouses the suspicions of Emma. Emma, of course, is already on the wrong side of Regina, so there's finger pointing and answers demanded all over the place. Cyrus and Alice get the staff from Jafar (who cannot use the staff anymore now that Amara is no longer under his thrall) and they ask Gold to help them free her.

Back in the Enchanted Forest, Will and Jazz try to rescue Allan from the pirates, and get caught in the process. Anastasia is not far behind, and rescues them, but Will neither trusts her nor feels for her without his heart. At any rate, Jazz and Allan are reunited, and they agree to help Ana get Will's heart back or break the genie curse.

Goals achieved: Character arcs established, at any rate. Cyrus has learned his lesson, Anastasia has learned hers, everybody's learning things that are taking their character in better directions. We're getting character involvement, but nobody new just now. These are the characters of Once Upon A Time in Wonderland, and there will not be too many others involved before the story comes to a close.

This was the best make-up moment in the
whole show!!

Episode 14: At last, we find out what Ashley was meant to send to Drizella: Will's heart. Regina finds it is missing, and Emma gets a confession out of her. The whole mess comes out before Alice and Cyrus, who are still waiting for Gold to be able to free Amara (which I imagine to be a much more arduous process than they had time for on the original show) and there is some chance for reconciliation there. Meanwhile Jafar finally notices that his staff is gone, and Regina is the one to mention that it might be in Gold's possession.

Meanwhile, our foursome in the Enchanted Forest make it back to the house, but Drizella is waiting for them. She has Will's heart and threatens to kill him unless Jasmine gives her the wishes. Anastasia begs, but Drizella doesn't relent. Jazz agrees to give her the wishes if she gives Ana Will's heart. Drizella does, and when she gets the three wishes, makes some really silly ones with disastrous implications because she forgot that magic comes with a price. Ana can now rub the bottle and she gives Will his heart back, and they prepare to take the mirror portal back to Storybrooke.

Goals achieved: The plot accelerates at this point, letting the viewer know that things are going to come to a head very soon and arrive at some kind of resolution. This is the "kicker" episode, where not many new threads are begun, but the consequences that we have been waiting for all along are starting to surface. There is a bit of resolution with the Enchanted Forest crowd, but the uncertainty of the other plot line lets the viewer know that they're not all quite finished yet.

Episode 15: Gold finally frees Amara, but by now they know their only hope of stopping Jafar is to lift the genie curse, which means that Amara cannot go on living much longer. Amara also reveals at this time that Jafar has the other two genies--her other two sons, Cyrus' brothers--there with him, and so the minute he gets his hands on Will, he'll have what he needs to complete the spell, even if he has to force Gold or Regina to help him instead of Amara. Of course, since no show is complete without the little thing that makes the viewers crazy called "whump", Amara, Cyrus, Alice, and Emma all working together can't possibly stop Jafar in time, and he catches Will and Anastasia coming out of the portal, giving him all three genies and the potential to beat everybody.

Goals achieved: Bad guy is winning, the dual storyline is converging, everything is all at this point "falling" toward the conclusion. The villain's success is not inevitable, because there's still the limitation that he can't do the spell on his own, so there's still a chance he might not be able to find anybody willing to help--but it might be that Regina, thus far, has been gunning for power as hard as he has, so the prospect of doing a spell that could give her ultimate power is nothing short of tantalizing.

The new site of the Final Battle: No zombie army, just
some good old-fashioned man-to-man fisticuffs! Besides, it's
a Well whose waters are enchanted to "return that which was
lost to its righful place," right?

Episode 16: Things are coming to a head. Cyrus, Alice, and Amara head to the Well to try and lift the curse, but Jafar catches them and mortally wounds Cyrus in a last-ditch effort to manipulate Amara into helping him. Instead of giving in (as she did in the show) she shows integrity and refuses still, prompting Jafar to do what he does best and just kill the person who doesn't give him what he wants. Cyrus sees his chance and catches some of the enchanted water dissolving from her body and throws it toward the Well to return it to Nyx--but (just like in the show) Jafar catches the water with his magic and tosses it aside. This, of course, means he has stolen from Nyx, not Cyrus, and so the curse falls on him and the brothers (and Will) are freed. Rumplestiltskin is able to heal Cyrus' wounds, and everybody goes back to where (and when) they came from, to live happily ever after.

Goals achieved: While this ending is very similar to the one that aired, it comes at least three weeks later, after a much fuller season--and if the writers had really cared to make this spin-off in any way as successful as the parent show, there is a lot of room to make it even longer, such as (but not limited to):
-additional plots with Silver,
-something more complex concerning Drizella,
-possibly a Jasmine flashback episode to kind of explain what she'd been up to and why she's so attached to Allan...
-even the addition of some other neglected fairy tales would not be as "old" as it has gotten in Once Upon A Time. 

Is it too much to ask of a show based on fairy tales?

So there you would/could/should have it... a whole season's worth of Wonderland-ifulness... And a seamless blend back into Once Upon A Time when it ends. There are new characters for Kitsis and The Gang to bandy about without the shameless pulling in of current fairytale trends for a marketing piggyback scheme that's altogether more devious than endearing. New characters are introduced--but they are also connected to the old characters, who are revisited rather than wholly neglected in their current states. Relationships and character arcs are continued and have a wider capacity for further explanation, rather than being yanked back and forth across the Ravine Between Good And Evil depending on whether the writers need a villain or a very powerful hero at the moment.

Did you like this continuation? Read it on Fanfiction.Net at: "Alice's Adventures in Storybrooke"

OUAT-Wonderland Review: Episode 13 "And They Lived..."

By Edward Kitsis & Adam Horowitz & Zack Estrin

**SPOILERS!**
If you have not watched this episode, please do so before continuing!

So our three trusty heroes infiltrated the villain's castle in an effort to foil his plot to become the most powerful sorcerer. Among their allies is the powerful sorceress who is not only the mother of our heroine's love interest, but she also taught the villain everything he knows and has spent the entire series as an inanimate object with magical powers--until the life of her son is threatened, then she comes free and decides to make her move on the villain... Too late, of course, to save her son's life, as the blackguard kills him--devastating the heroine and manipulating the heroes' most powerful ally into accomplishing his own ends... which he does... Ergo, without further ado...

Random Thoughts, Observations, and Best Scenes and Quotes:

-The episode starts off with a Character Resurface of Total Convenience: remember that one quick part, just before Amara appeared (out of freaking nowhere!), Alice was down in the dungeons and freed the Sultan and asked for his help? Well, apparently it took this long for the guy to get back up to the throne room... because he shows up after Jafar has done the spell and become über-powerful (because apparently that needed to happen), but before Jafar is about to stab Amara in the back so that only he will be the most powerful and there would be no other way for the good guys to win (because apparently that didn't need to happen... for the first time in OUAT history, folks!)

-"The way to show true power is through mercy!" Wow! This, from the man who originally said, "True power comes from fear"? Sounds like someone has put his time to good use in learning moral lessons instead of trying to amass ultimate power...

-Unfortunately, Jafar The Super-Powered Man-Child is in no mood to listen to any kind of rational thinking (Well, duh; why use your brain to figure out how to be an effective person when you can just use magic to get what you want?); he wants what he wants with the least amount of effort possible--so what does he use his newly-acquired mojo for? Two things: he unleashes magic mind-control to force the Sultan to say loving things to him as a father to his son-- the "only thing he's ever wanted"-- but when this does not satisfy him, he merely kills his father by magically drowning him. THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T JUST "HAVE" NICE PEOPLE, JAFAR!

-At least this little tiff gives Alice and Amara time to escape... and where do they go? Where everybody goes for healing, apparently....

-But then again, while the Rabbits are arguing and Percy is complaining about the state of his bloodstained carpet ("At least both sides match now! Who needs a scrapbook when we can use this carpet? 'Look, kids, this is where Alice almost died, and here's where Cyrus' spleen fell out...') Amara just uses her super-magic to heal him anyway... so what was the point of this? Why couldn't they just escape to the labyrinth and heal him there? Maybe I'm just picky because they're such annoying characters...

-Back in the Castle, Jafar is throwing his weight around again... This time, he's paranoid about anyone being more powerful (or even as powerful) as he is, so what does he do? Takes the Vorpal Blade and pins Jabberwocky up in his dungeons. Apparently somebody's still sore about the way she totally pegged him when they first met... And now Jafar is short an ally... what few allies he had... and he just killed off his most powerful one, which makes him an idiot... Wonderful...

-Back in the Rabbit House, the writers give the Rabbit something to do: go and round up all the citizens of Wonderland to come fight for Alice and hopefully take down the most powerful person in the history of the world. Who wouldn't want to sign up for that, right?

-Back in the palace, Jafar's up to his old tricks again; he releases Will (who is over that "My will is thine" tripe; he comes out looking very bored and demands, "What the bloody hell do you want?") inside a magic triangle barrier that he can't cross, just to show him that Jafar has "held up my end of the bargain." He brings out Anastasia... But she has no memory of Will, because Jafar has (WHAT ELSE?) used his magic to make her fall in love with him!!

-So now Jafar has effectively proven that the Three Rules of Magic no longer apply to him... and he just stands there snogging Ana in front of the tortured Will.... Which makes him an idiot AND an ass.... but he's not done...

-Now he's gotta get himself an army, and because all the LIVING soldiers have defected to join Alice, he goes to the graveyard and raises all the dead soldiers, which makes them beholden to him for giving them life (even though they never asked for it, and probably didn't want it after all...) and so they are compelled to do what he wants.... Jafar, the Jerk-Ass Idiot!

-Meanwhile, Alice decides that Cyrus and Amara should go to the Well of Wonders and lift the curse, while she goes and sacks Jafar's castle.... Didn't anybody ever tell her that it's never a good idea for the good guys to split up? 

-And now we have the Battle of the Pep Talks: Jafar vs. Alice. Jafar begins by rousing the newly-resurrected soldiers with the hype that "Wonderland is in danger"... but by the end of the speech, he tells them to "Kill all who resist! Bring Wonderland to it's knees!" Umm.... getting a little carried away with yourself, aren't you? Because if the Citizens of Wonderland are charged with both saving Wonderland and bringing it to its knees.... don't those two goals kind of cancel each other out?? Then what the heck are they fighting for??

-Meanwhile, Alice gives her speech: It's clear, direct, and consistent. She knows they're fighting for a cause greater than any one person, they're fighting for their homes, they're fighting for their families and loved ones! Alice Wins Best Speech!!

-Not long afterward, the two armies collide in an ambush. I have to say, good thing the "resurrected dead" aren't really zombies; they can bleed and die all over again. Amara can use her magic to get the squad attacking her and Cyrus to stab themselves, but Alice gets captured by the time Cyrus realizes that his true love doesn't have the magic power that his mother does. Minor detail, might have been good to consider BACK WHEN SHE PROPOSED SPLITTING UP IN THE FIRST PLACE!

-So now Jafar has Alice bound to a chair in his throne room, he's got Will in a magic triangle... What does he do? Time for another round of Kiss The Girl! Wow, kissing in a TV show is really boring... And besides, it just goes to show how shallow Jafar really is. Everybody knows TRUE Love is more than just a never-ending snog fest, you numpty! 

-Finally, Jafar turns on Alice. He's raised the dead, he's made someone fall in love.... now he's going to change Alice's past, to make it so that she will have never met Cyrus.

-"You've already loved and lost.... but what would you be if you had never loved at all?" Hey! No fair copping that quote!

-Hurrah for Alice. She doesn't break, not even once. She owns Jafar every bit as much as the Jabberwocky did. She points out that the love he fabricated with his magic over Anastasia is not true love, and his threat to take away her meeting Cyrus and how that would remove love from her life is totally false because "true love always lasts" and that's the sort of love Jafar will never feel, with all his magic and manipulation. Now who does that remind you of???

-He storms off in high dudgeon when he finally figures out that Amara and Cyrus are trying to stop him... which gives Alice and Will the opportunity to work on Anastasia!

-Will follows Alice's speech about love up with one of his own, and it's bloody brilliant. Anastasia thinks that what she feels toward Jafar is "love" because that's what his magic has told her; Will responds with, "Love is messy. It means arguing and making up and crying and laughing and struggling and sometimes it doesn't seem worth it but it is, and at the end... you forgive each other." WHEEE!!!!!

-Hurrah for True Love's Kiss! There was really no other way to follow up a speech like that... and it was every bit as fantastic as it ought to be! Some people would rather ship Alice and Will... but I really think that Anastasia is the only one for Will (and she certainly reforms a lot better than another Evil Queen who persists in teetering on the brink of good and evil... blergh!)

-Anastasia manages to free Alice, but Will is still trapped, so Ana stays with him while Alice goes to help or warn Cyrus about Jafar.

-Finally, we arrive at the climax over the Well of Wonders. Cyrus is saying goodbye to his mother, and Nyx arrives to accept the offering... but just then Jafar pops up and tries to interfere... He kills Amara, and the water starts seeping out of her onto the stones of the Well, and just before he kills Cyrus too, a Rabbit Hole explodes under Jafar at just the right moment (the first time in the whole show that I'm actually cheering for the Rabbit) and knocks him off his feet. Alice comes out and tells Cyrus to give the water back, which he tries to do...

but just before it drops all the way, Jafar takes it back and scatters it! All hope is lost, and it looks like Jafar has won once and for all... but no writer is that stupid, for Alice points out, "That water wasn't yours to steal." OWNED, SUCKER!!

 

-Here we pause for a musical interlude that sounds a lot like Jafar's theme from the Disney movie, plus we have the same "Jafar-getting-sucked-into-the-genie-bottle moment" (Which was a lot more dramatic in the animated version, methinks...)

-With the banishment of Jafar, all his magic is undone... including the resurrection of Ana. Poor Will! He's got no hope left... The guy could really use a Plot Device of Incredible Convenience about now...

-Enter Cyrus and Alice, with a bottle of water from the Well of Wonders that was "given, not stolen" so it's totally okay! Alice drums up some tosh about "She said it was time for the Red Queen to move on, but Anastasia must continue..." but Anastasia waking up and Will getting his true love back is so perfect and adorable that we can quite ignore how abhorrently pitiful the writing has gotten by now.

D'AWWWW!!!

-Fast-forward to Alice preparing for her wedding day. All of a sudden, Edwin the Coward is accepting of Cyrus and grateful for Alice's forgiveness of the abominable way he treated her when he didn't believe... You realize this doesn't change the fact that Cyrus is nothing but the son of a poor sorceress from a different world and no more a gentleman than when he was a genie, and so accepting him means that you necessarily believe the magical land exists, because Cyrus exists...

You know what? It's the finale; never mind all that...

-The wedding of Cyrus and Alice, which of course means a "curtain call" for all the characters... not that I mind... the sight of Millie the "Sensible Daughter" sitting on the Hero Tweedle's lap is just adorable... but... WHAT THE HECK?? First they were ready to lock Alice away for mentioning a Talking Rabbit... now the writers expect us to believe that they are suddenly okay with SAME TALKING RABBIT OFFICIATING THE WEDDING?? Like he has some kind of extra-terrestrial ordination or something?? Oh help...

-In the end, Will and Anastasia return to Wonderland and become the White King and Queen, and Alice writes her adventures in a book, which she shares with her daughter while the whole family has a tea party in the woods... and Percy the White Stalker Rabbit looks on...

FINAL SCORE: This ending was fitting only because it was so campy and cliche that it "fit" the rest of the show. There were no loose endings, no killer tag scenes that leave you wondering, everything's "Happy-ever-after"... which is new...

As far as the categories go, the Heroes of course shine while the Villain can go boil his head in a vat of molten lava for all I care. It's really too much to expect the villain to go amassing an unbeatable army at the very end of a show... no, he's gotta get rid of the strongest people on his "team" and surround himself with little people... Geez. This episode gets full marks for banter because of all the great quips and speeches that happened (I'm not calling Jafar's power-rant a speech... it was more like a frenzied rave than an actual speech in any sense of the word...). The Graphics were passable, and the level of Conflict and Resolution suitable to an ending. All this adds together for a grand score of 9/10, the best this show can achieve! 

Heroes: 5/5

Villains: 4/5

Graphics/ VFX: 4/5

Banter: 5/5

Conflict/Resolution: 5/5

TOTAL SCORE: 9/10

Finally it's over!! (Or is it?)

OUAT-Wonderland Review: Episode 12 "To Catch A Thief"

By Adam Nussdorf & Jerome Schwartz

**SPOILERS!**
If you have not watched this episode, please do so before continuing!

Episode 12 of 13... we're almost done! Okay, so to recap from the end of last episode, Jafar gave the Knave back his heart... and then killed the woman he loved right there before his eyes (what is this, Game of Thrones? Hamlet? The show's not over till there are no characters left??).... and Alice just found out her mother-in-law is a "snake stick."


Wonderful; what else can happen? In a world where a writer can make people act out his darkest imaginings... Plenty.


Random Thoughts, Observations, and Best Scenes and Quotes:

-We'll start with a moment of silence for our dear departed Anastasia. Out of all the "reformed villains" the writers of Once Upon A Time have cranked out, she was I think the least evil and the one I was rooting for the most. Jafar is nothing but a beast and a prick and a toddling man-child who ought to be spanked...in the face...with a knife...

-I'm not overreacting, I promise; want me to prove it? OVER ANASTASIA'S DEAD BODY, which apparently he has taken it upon himself to dress her in a nice dress and arrange her beautifully in a glass coffin (a là Snow White), Jafar manipulates the now-emotion-ridden Will into thinking that Jafar is actually someone who can "relate" to the feeling of "someone who's risked everything for love." (What the WHAT?? Since when??) and offering him the chance to be reunited... so long as Jafar receives Ultimate Power. (Because why do something yourself if you can warp others into doing it for you??)

-Well, that's interesting... when the Queen of Hearts rips your heart out, she uses you to do her dirty work... like chasing down an irrepressible "thief and murderer": our very own Alice.

Of course Alice can escape the soldiers, but poor Will--the newest Knave--is compelled to keep pursuing her, no matter what. It makes for some funny scenes though... gosh, I love this guy!

-Meanwhile, Will is released by Jafar to go and tell Alice and Cyrus that the "only way" to be able to resurrect Anastasia and finish his love story, after all he went through to help Alice finish hers--is to give up the staff and let Jafar win?? Umm, I don't know if he's listening to himself just then... because what part of letting the PRAT get what he wants is ever a good idea, or even remotely effective in making good things happen??

-Ugh, I can't take much more of this Jafar-the-schoolyard-bully crap! He can't even think for himself anymore, so he's got Jabberwocky to exploit fears and do all his thinking for him... and all he does is threaten her with the Vorpal Blade! Jeez...

-Oh SNAP. Alice and Cyrus are on their way to trying to find out how to free Amara from the staff, but the Knave--after agreeing to go along with them--waits till they're asleep and then takes it from them! Good thing Cyrus was awake when he first tries it, and he's being all nice to Will and stuff... so Will freaking punches him in the face and takes it anyway! You know the show is coming to an end when one of the greatest heroes does something so incredibly selfish and stupid that gives power to the enemy and is so incredibly traitorous toward his fellow heroes...

PSSST!! HEY GUARD!! LOOK TO YOUR RIGHT!!

-On that same note... you can tell a show has lost budget and is coming to an end when sneaking into The Queen Of Heart's Royal High-Security, Heavily-Guarded Vault of Hearts.... is done literally bumping shoulders with the detachment who has nothing else to do but stand in front of the door!! 

-Luckily our True Love Couple still have the Lost-And-Found... because the Knave ends up getting lost, himself, so that makes him so much easier to overtake!!

-And then this happens: Alice catches up to him at the edge of a cliff overlooking a rushing river, HE THREATENS HER WITH A KNIFE??? He points out the fatal flaw in every tale of "true love": "You think your love story is the only one worth fighting for." Hmm.... good point... Alice slips... and Will--who has reminded us repeatedly that he can't swim and he is afraid of water, dives off of that cliff to rescue Alice! And thus exploding the warmfuzzies of every Will/Alice shipper everywhere!

-The poor guy takes it all really well; he and Alice discuss the difficulties he's having with his restored heart, and he's now learning how the head and the heart must work together to accomplish the right thing instead of just anything. 

-Abruptly, the sound cuts out again... and the Jabberwocky descends on our brave heroes! OH NO!! But actually... she's realized that working for Jafar is not as villainously glamorous as she thought it would be... so she's ready to make a deal with the heroes: she'll help them get into Jafar's castle to be able to steal the other genies back and stop Jafar, and they'll get the Vorpal Blade for her. Why should they help a monster like her, you may well ask? "Nobody's born a monster," she maintains, "We're made." Hmm... What would the writers have done with a Jabberwocky flashback story, I wonder?

-Of course, the side benefits for her is the freedom to move on to other unsuspecting worlds--with Jafar gone, people won't have as much to fear; she makes it sound like such a bad thing... but an ally's an ally when you're playing against a cheater who's hogging the board, right?

-So back in the past, Alice retrieved Will's heart from the Queen's vault... then there is a brief moment of funny while Alice discovers exactly what happens when someone holds a person's magically-extracted heart... (which may or may not include her commanding, "Stand on one leg; now flap your arms like a chicken!" Kudos to Michael Socha for playing along!)

-So the group splits up. Jabberwocky presents Cyrus to Jafar (who is not satisfied; it wasn't Cyrus he wanted, it was the staff!) and tries to pass off the lie Cyrus is feeding about Alice and Will's whereabouts (wants him to believe they're long gone, when really they're just downstairs, in the process of breaking the Sultan out of jail...)

-Of course, Jafar can't resist using the moment to gloat; he knows it doesn't matter where Will is, because all Jafar has to do is rub, and he'll be "Yanked back into [his] bottle." But of course Cyrus knew this all along... he was just a plant to get Jafar to bring Will up there right at the moment when Jafar's guards were going to capture him for breaking into the dungeons!

-Jafar gets mad, and of course starts in with the Force-choke... only to be interrupted by... OHMY... WAIT, WHAAA???? Did I miss something? How exactly did Alice get her out of there? If it was all her doing, WHY IN THE NAME OF SANITY DID SHE WAIT SO LONG???

-Amara can only distract him for so long; all it takes is that one look, and Jafar--who has now seen all three of his genies, though his interaction with Cyrus' brothers has been very slight--cannot possibly miss the family resemblance.

-And so begins an epic Sith--er, sorcery--battle of wills, solely relying on telekinesis and Indiana Jones references (when Amara actually does something with her magic and turns the chandelier into a knot of giant serpents, Jafar delivers the line, "Snakes! It was always snakes with you, Amara!")

-They pause in the middle of the penultimate face-off, where Amara and Jafar are using the Force--er, their magic--to try and push mirror shards at each other, to flashback to Will and Alice escaping from the Red Queen's guards, and Will sends Alice off while he promises to hold back the guards, saying, "I have a feeling your happy ending is right around the corner!" (Of course hearkening back to the scene from the pilot episode where Alice is running from some soldiers, shrinks herself, and stumbles upon a bottle that just happens to be--you guessed it--around that very same corner... who knew, right?)

-Back to the face-off... Jafar gets Amara's full attention, then he turns around and sends one of the shards into Cyrus' heart! He uses the death of Cyrus to manipulate Amara into helping him complete the spell so that she can restore him to life--something that was previously impossible, because it defies the laws of magic.

-I'd hoped that the episode would end here; I wanted Amara to have a change of heart in the middle of the spell-casting, so that she'd turn and blast Jafar out of the castle and they'd set about resolving everything just in time for the last episode. I wanted an end to the whole "evil-always-wins" kick that these writers seem to be on. I thought, surely they're not going to let the bad guy win just for the last episode just because they can!!

-No dice. The final scene:

Aww, crap! It worked...

FINAL SCORE: Heroes win FREAKING EVERYTHING. Finally, Alice and Cyrus are done being mushy-gooshy and are actually getting serious things done and thinking about something other than each other. Finally, the Knave has his heart back and he's re-learning how to use it properly. (and doing a capital job of it, by the way!) Finally, battle lines have been drawn and we're done with the wishy-washy fence-riding, back-and-forth, flip-floppers!

And the Villains... well, the writers are certainly making no bones about what a BloodyAbsoBloominAwful character Jafar is anymore... No more feeling sorry for the poor rejected street rat... No more wondering if possibly he could have had a noble motivation for his heinous acts he was forced to make. Not even Jabberwocky's badly-timed and totally-misguided crack about monsters being made, not born, can drum up any sympathy for him now. Jerky McJerkFace....

Graphics get the ding for the EXCESSIVELY LAZY ANIMATION TACTICS! Seriously? I just can't get over that "Pseudo-Jedi face-off"... And furthermore, this is detrimental to the Conflict/Resolution because What the heck, Amara? You had to wait till Jafar would be just at the right place and have the best opportunity to kill your son before you came out of your beauty sleep inside that staff with no explanation or exposition (boo on the writers for that one! You could have cut out half of Jafar's throw-away power-monger sound bites and given us a little bit of that old Disney magic by showing that transformation!)... Unfortunately for you, Jafar uses his eyes better than his mouth and his brain, and that sixth sense immediately picked up on the family resemblance... Oh gosh, I can't take this...
 

YOU. CALL. THAT. WRITING?????

Heroes: 5/5
Villains: 4/5
Graphics/VFX: 3/5
Banter: 5/5
Conflict/Resolution: 3/5
TOTAL SCORE: 7.5/10

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OUAT-Wonderland Review: Episode 11, "Heart of The Matter"

By Jenny Kao & Katie Wech

**SPOILERS!**
If you have not watched this episode, please do so before continuing!

Three more episodes... no crossover yet, but I could have sworn the preview included a mention of Storybrooke! And... wait... oh, heck no! What is CORA DOING THERE?

I should have guessed the Queen of (Bleeding) Hearts would be Cora, because everyone is calling Anastasia the Red Queen, and that reveal has already been staged in Once Upon A Time, so no harm, no foul...

Except Cora... I never liked her, no matter what the critics said, or the fact that she comes with a list of credentials as long as her arm...

Grr... Moving on!

Random Thoughts, Observations, and Best Scenes and Quotes:

-The episode opens with Cyrus visiting Underland; at first, I had trouble distinguishing if it was a flashback or not--then he mentions trading back the Lost-and-Found, and we know it's present-day. But of course, negotiating with the Caterpillar is all a diversion, while a shrunk-down Alice sneaks under the Caterpillar's palisade and steals the compass herself. Nicely done! Point for Team Cylice!


-Can I just take a moment to relish the way the Jabberwocky has been written? She totally embodies fear in the way she kind of takes over the throne room behind Jafar's back.
He's all focused on getting the spell to work and getting the genies to cooperate that he doesn't even notice the way she just lounges all over the place. He's carved out his space already... but he has unwittingly left everything else free for her use. Who's sitting on the throne now, eh, Jafar?

-Meanwhile, Jafar is flexing his muscles, causing mild earthquakes through the whole palace; below in the dungeons, the Sultan quakes in fear, knowing full well how Jafar will not hesitate to kill, and never before witnessing magic such as this. Anastasia tells him mournfully, "You no longer have to be surprised what magic can do."

-Flashback time! Young Anastasia is preparing for her coronation and wedding (where we are also introduced to the adorable Tweedles... well, I still find at least one of them adorable, anyway...) when--you guessed it--Cora shows up; is it too much of a stretch to conclude that somebody's gonna lose a true love whenever Cora is involved? Gah, I hate her so much...

-You know what else happens when Cora is around? The witch (I use the term with impunity; she practices magic, doesn't she?) just loves to show off and manipulate the people around her to learn magic from her, promising them all their dreams-come-true... while all the time intending to control their emotions and therefore their every decision.

-Suddenly it becomes all too clear exactly what it means for someone so evil to be "Queen of Hearts"... so glad she finally died in Once Upon A Time...

-Haha! Moment of studio laughter when Anastasia so innocently refuses because, "The King believes Royalty shouldn't have magic; it separates us from our subjects." What? Did he really say that? This tosh from the man who also told her that it was "the way of the world" for him, as the king, to be surrounded by surplus riches while she, as a commoner, should be starving? CHARACTER INCONSISTENCY!!

-Dear Ms. Hershey.... I'm so sorry they made you take this role. It was a terrible fit all around; you're obviously extremely detached from the character, and I'm so sorry that whatever talent you previously possessed was so grossly squandered on such banal writing... to add insult to injury by inserting Cora's character in an already-doomed spin-off is just a poor attempt at boosting viewership... but honestly, ma'am: your delivery could have used a bit... no, make that A LOT more conviction! Way to fill the role of Cardboard Character, ma'am!

-Hurrah for Hero Tweedle come to warn Cyrus and Alice about the Jabberwocky!

-The spell isn't working... and it's ALL WILL'S FAULT!! Point for the Knave! This scene is so lovely, from Will's totally nonchalant manner toward Jafar, all the way through his interactions with the Jabberwocky, the character that just reduced Anastasia to a blubbering mess before his eyes, who single-handedly has the power to kill a man with fear--
Okay, okay! I just have to post the clip, it's too delicious to do it justice!

-In the flashback between Anastasia and Will, she of course has convinced her guilty conscience that marrying the Red King is "Best for both of us." Yeah right! When she is the only one who really benefits, while Will is left holding the bag? Typical, cliche, misplaced priorities!

-Oh gosh, the scene between Cora and the Knave when she makes it her business to make sure that Anastasia and Will are kept apart for all time just serves to highlight how bloody brilliant he is; the sheer range of emotion he displays in his delivery makes the one with an actual pedigree of sorts (I'm told... apparently Barbara Hershey was some kind of glamor girl back in her day...) look like a cardboard cutout delivering lines of text. Point for Will Scarlet!

-AT LAST!! THE CROSSOVER I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR!! 

Wait...

Ummm....

Okay, so there are at least cars... but invisible people driving them (I coulda sworn that was Emma's yellow Bug... why didn't she say anything??) but... nary a soul in sight! What? Since when was Storybrooke a ghost town? Since like never! With all the stories whose characters are there, it's literally inconceivable... There is just no way you're going to convince anyone that a crater that size in the middle of the road is just an everyday occurrence! (Okay, it's a budget constraint, I get that.. but still....)
 

-I admit, Cyrus with the light switches was a rather cute touch. I mean, we have medieval/Victorian-era characters in a modern setting... why not pull out the "Electricity Is Magic" trope?





-Annnd... back to "Willistasia" again... Seriously, what is it with evil queens and finding a couple who are truly in love and wanting them to be separated and miserable for all eternity?? I mean, now we know where Queen Regina gets her "curses-on-your-happiness" attitude, but seriously.... It just doesn't make sense at all!
There is nothing to be gained but a convenient way to involve a "popular" character and give the Red Queen the magic ability and find a convincing scenario to remove the Knave's heart in the first place... but other than a Plot Device of Total Contrivance... yeah, I got nothing...


-Back to "trash the Knave's apartment" with "Team Cylice"... Again, I have to wonder about Ghost-Town!Storybrooke.... all that banging around in an apartment that he probably isn't actually renting or paying for... a huge blooming crater in the road just down the way... and not even the semblance of police checking it out at all? It must be something like one in the morning... no home-invasion calls going on in the background? Not even a siren? All those cars on the road, why not a patrol car?

-Our heroes return to Wonderland, and the Lost-and-Found starts going crazy... of course Jafar is standing right there!! Oh, and they totally copped the Disney "Jafar Theme" for his appearance!

-But wait! There's more! The staff's eyes turn from red to golden... and when Jafar moves to take it away from Cyrus, the staff blasts him all by herself!

-Of course, we already know it's Amara, who is also Cyrus' mother... but it takes the two lovers several minutes to discover that the Lost-and-Found finally points... to the staff! Oh, the irony of discovering your mother-in-law is... a "snake stick." Now all that remains is discovering exactly how to free her... (and you'll just *luuuv* how that ends up happening... jerk-face, lazy-butt writers...)

-Meanwhile, Jafar has Will's heart, and he sticks it back in...
Amid painful screams from Will, who recovers slowly...
Anastasia begs for him to look at her; she's excited to see if he might remember his love for her now that he has his heart back...
HE DOES!!! All the pain is forgotten and the two of them kiss through the bars, before they are dragged apart...
Will is shoved back into his cell, while Jafar drags Anastasia out....

AND FREAKING SLITS HER THROAT RIGHT THERE IN FRONT OF WILL!!!!!!!

WHAT THE BLOODY??? THIS SHOW MAKES NO SENSE ANYMORE!! HOW DARE THEY!!! SHE'S A MAIN CHARACTER FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!! HAVE THEY ALL GONE MAD???  AARRGGGGGHHHH!!!! WHYYYYY?????



FINAL SCORE: With Will's screams still ringing in my ears at the sudden, unprovoked, inexplicable death of his only-just-reunited one-true-love... I confess I hated the whole dang show after this. The heroes kept it together well enough... the villains were just as nasty as nasty could be (I'm docking a point for that slaughter of a main character... there's just no excuse!) The graphics were great (owed mostly to the prowess of Emma Rigby and Michael Socha! Their interactions with the obviously-animated visual effects made them that much more credible than they would ordinarily be) and the banter... meh... I'm docking a point for the infractions committed by Cyrus and the White Rabbit ('scuse me, Percy) combined. Conflict/Resolution of the whole Cyrus'-mother-is-a-serpent-staff worked out well enough... but HOLEY MOLEY it would have been just fine without that last killing!! Are you kidding me? That scenario HAD NO CONFLICT TO JUSTIFY THAT!! Blurgh...

I'm so sorry, Will... So very, VERY sorry... :,(

Heroes: 5/5
Villains: 4/5
Graphics/VFX: 4/5
Banter: 4/5
Conflict/Resolution: 4/5
TOTAL SCORE: 8/10

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