Top Ten Ninth Doctor Moments

            Every actor to hold the TARDIS keys has been wonderful; you just don’t get chosen for the part unless you are. But each person to lend their face to The Doctor also has a unique take on the personality and mannerisms of the Time Lord. Today I’m going to look at Christopher Eccleston and the Ninth Doctor. Christopher was wonderfully consistent in the way he played the character and I am continually amazed whenever I look back on his one series run. 

10: Checking Gwyneth’s Pulse – The Unquiet Dead

              Nine was an interesting Doctor. He was the Doctor born out of the Time War, when the wounds were still very raw and the grief very near. Christopher did a beautiful job of portraying all of that anger and sadness while still giving us the quirky alien that we were all looking for. He made the grins and the goofiness a façade that The Doctor hid behind because he just couldn’t face what was behind him. And yet he wasn’t all fire and ice and rage concealed beneath a hollow smile. Sometimes the best moments of a character are not the heroics they perform or the epic speeches they bellow out. No, often the moments where they truly shine are in the little things that are easily missed if you blink at the wrong moment. Take the moment where The Doctor realizes that the Gelth have betrayed them and must be stopped at all costs, for instance. He sends the rest of his companions out of the house then steps up to Gwyneth who is still controlling the Rift and takes her pulse. Even though she was the one to squelch their misgivings and open the Rift, this Doctor still cares about her and is not willing to end the problem by making her a casualty. Even after everything he’s been through (and Nine was easily one of the least sympathetic and soft Doctors) he still is taking time to check on Gwyneth and make sure she’s okay. But of course she isn’t. The Doctor realizes that she’s been technically dead ever since she stepped under the archway and only kept ‘alive’ by the energy of the Gelth. This moment is powerful, even though there isn’t any dialogue. As he touches her, Gwyneth looks into The Doctor’s eyes and pulls a pack of matches out of her apron pocket – clearly communicating to him what she’s about to do. Does he run right away? No! He gives her a sad smile and kisses her on the forehead before thanking her and then leaving so she can complete her task. Not only is this gesture extremely sweet and fatherly, but it also is the most affection we’ve seen this Doctor offer anyone aside from his TARDIS. It’s just a great little moment and I think is a defining one for Eccleston’s character.

9: The Doctor’s Speech – Rose
“Do you know like we were saying about the Earth revolving? It's like when you were a kid. The first time they tell you the world's turning and you just can't quite believe it because everything looks like it's standing still. I can feel it. The turn of the Earth. The ground beneath our feet is spinning at a thousand miles an hour, and the entire planet is hurtling round the sun at sixty seven thousand miles an hour, and I can feel it. We're falling through space, you and me, clinging to the skin of this tiny little world, and if we let go… That's who I am. Now, forget me, Rose Tyler. Go home.”  Wow. Do I even have to say anything about that speech? Well I may not have to, but I have one thing I would like to say. This is the speech that re-established The Doctor as an alien for me. Just the way Christopher Eccleston delivered the lines combined with his facial expression and over all performance cemented the idea that his character wasn’t human in my mind. I never for a single instance forgot that Eccleston’s Doctor was a war survivor from another planet. This speech gave a beautiful look into the way The Doctor sees the world and is definitely one of my favorite Series 1 moments.

8: Emergency Program 1 – The Parting of the Ways 

          I just love the relationship that Nine has with Rose. Remember the episode Father’s Day? Remember how Rose’s dad is dead? Whenever I watch the run of the Ninth Doctor, I always sort of see him in a fill-in paternal role for Rose. Everything about the chemistry these two share just feels like he’s a grandfather, father, uncle, and protective big brother all rolled into one leather-jacketed package. One of the best parts of the Series 1 finale is the scene where The Doctor tricks Rose into going home. He and Jack are facing almost certain death at the…er…plungers of the Daleks and so he fulfills his promise to Jackie and sends Rose home. Once she’s alone in the TARDIS, this message comes up: "This is Emergency Programme One. Rose, now listen, this is important. If this message is activated, then it can only mean one thing. We must be in danger. And I mean fatal. I'm dead or about to die any second with no chance of escape. And that's okay. Hope it's a good death. But I promised to look after you, and that's what I'm doing. The TARDIS is taking you home. And I bet you're fussing and moaning now - typical. But hold on and just listen a bit more. The TARDIS can never return for me. Emergency Programme One means I'm facing an enemy that should never get their hands on this machine. So this is what you should do: let the TARDIS die. Just let this old box gather dust. No one can open it; no one will even notice it. Let it become a strange little thing standing on a street corner. And over the years, the world will move on and the box will be buried. And if you want to remember me, then you can do one thing. That's all. One thing. Have a good life. Do that for me, Rose. Have a fantastic life.” 

It’s not a particularly elaborate speech, nor is it extremely sentimental. For most of it the delivery sounds just like an over-the-phone prompt message as it clinically gives out information about his impending death. But as he gets to the last three sentences, the hologram turns and looks at Rose with such a warm, friendly smile that it is almost like The Doctor is there in person as he gives her his last wish – the desire for her to live her life to the fullest. The sentiment is simple and not at all over-blown or soppy and that makes it all the more powerful.

7: Meeting Lynda/Big Brother – Bad Wolf

            Bad Wolf is an extremely interesting episode for a number of reasons. Not only is it the first part of the Series 1 finale, but it also includes the oddest mash up of reality television. While these aspects sadly do date the episode quite a bit, they are still quite a bit of fun to watch the character’s reactions to the different shows. The Doctor’s reaction to being trapped in the Big Brother house is particularly funny, especially from the often-brooding Nine. While the other housemates are huddling together on a couch or gossiping about stir-fry, he’s sprawled out on the couch sulking and rolling his eyes. Despite the terrified expressions on the faces of his fellow housemates as they await eviction, he is so caught up in his ‘oh brother’ mood that for once he completely disregards it. Not only is this quite odd and actually funny, but it makes his snap-to-attention move mere moments later all the more effective because as soon as he sees the evicted housemate be disintegrated he immediately goes into what I like to call ‘case mode’ where he’s like a bloodhound on the scent. This scene is also notable because it is where he meets Lynda-with-a-Y, the girl that he will form a sweet connection with over the next two episodes before she gives her life for him.

6: Charles Dickens Fanboy – The Unquiet Dead

            This was the moment when I officially identified with and connected to the Ninth Doctor and I also think that this was the moment when Christopher Eccleston officially found who his Doctor was. Every actor who plays the Time Lord has one particular episode or scene where it seems like everything just clicks and, for Eccleston, I think that the coach ride with Charles Dickens was the moment. Oh he was wonderful in the role before and hit everything spot-on, but it seems like this was the moment where he became The Doctor. It is just so wonderful to see the joy on The Doctor’s face and to be reminded that, yes he is alien and yes he did fight in a war – but he does still find time in his life to be a fan of someone famous. He is just so happy to be meeting a fellow genius who he admires and it is a wonderful, important character moment for the Ninth Doctor. Besides, it is just great fun to see The Doctor completely lose focus on his mystery as he drops into full, unashamed fanboy mode for a moment. It's about as close to cute as Doctor Nine ever got and you really don't want to miss it!

5: The Regeneration – The Parting of the Ways

             The Ninth Doctor is incredible for so many reasons (survived the Time War, survived Rose Tyler, limited use of the sonic, actually acted like a doctor at times, etc.) but by far one of the best examples of why I love him so much is that he goes to his death with dignity. Now as of writing this we’ve only had two (full) regenerations in NuWho so I can’t speak for how Matt Smith will go out, but I was definitely less than impressed with Tennant’s whole “I don’t want to go” spiel which dominated so much of his last few episodes. In direct contrast with that fact, Eccleston’s Doctor faced his death with dignity. Mere moments before he completed a delta wave that, should he activate it, would wipe out every living thing nearby including his enemies – leaving him to regenerate into a safe environment. But he chose to be a ‘coward’ rather than a killer and didn’t activate the wave that would kill all of the life forms, human and Dalek alike. Rose shows up, having absorbed the heart of the TARDIS and become the Bad Wolf in order to save her Doctor by melting all of the Daleks. The vortex is burning her so The Doctor, having just seconds before escaped death by extermination, gives his own life for hers by absorbing all of the energy that threatens to kill her. 

 This is the fulfillment of the Ninth Doctor’s character arc and it is impressive just how much he managed to grow and change within this one series. When we first meet him, Nine is a grumpy, brooding alien that seems to live only for the next adrenaline rush and caustic remark. He doesn’t really care about people, though he does work to save them. He is prickly and standoffish and is still recovering from the trauma of having to commit mass genocide. Over the course of the series, through his relationship with Rose, Jackie, Pete, and Jack, that hard outer shell starts to soften and the good side of The Doctor comes to the forefront. He went from an angry survivor to a heroic friend. And he embraced his regeneration with a smile, not bitter about losing yet another life and not screaming at the world. He went out softly and happily in one of my favorite regeneration scenes of all time.

4: The Empty Child/The Doctor Dances

         Yes, these two episodes in their entirety deserve an entry of their own. This entire two-parter, along with being a remarkable story, is just one big long excellent character-builder for The Doctor. We not only get references to his granddaughter, Susan, and very personal hints about all that he has lost in the Time War (somehow making it all the more real when you realize he probably ended up killing his own children and family) but there are hints about The Doctor’s own childhood as well – hints that will be followed up on in the Series 2 episode The Girl in the Fireplace. I love that The Doctor gets a chance to finally, y’know, be a doctor. The scene where he diagnoses all of the gas mask patients is as creepy as the later scene where he cures all of them is heart-warming. The manner in which he pleads with the universe and whatever gods exist within the Whoniverse toties in with the whole Time War back story and it is so wonderful to see just how purely happy The Doctor is to finally have a day when nobody dies. 

  

3: Dinner with the Slitheen – Boom Town

            Only the Ninth Doctor could defeat an enemy, come back several months later and recapture the last survivor, and then take her out on a dinner date before escorting her to her execution. While at this dinner he also dodges poisoned wine, utilizes the Matrix to catch a deadly dart, and defeats vaporized venom with a free sample of breath freshener. The Ninth Doctor is officially what we would call a badass!

2: Losing Rose – Bad Wolf

            This is a very interesting scene for The Doctor as he apparently loses his companion, Rose, to the Anne Droid. I don’t know if this was in the script or if Eccleston made this choice, but it is extremely effective. Instead of screaming in pain or breaking down into tears and crying out ‘NOOOO!’, The Doctor just shuts down. He literally just goes completely silent and still, not even indulging in a single tear. He doesn’t fight the men who come to pull him away, he doesn’t shout out threats and denials, and he doesn’t even move a facial muscle. This stillness is so extremely powerful and really works to sell The Doctor’s heartbreak at losing yet another person. 

1: “You would make a good Dalek.” – Dalek

            I absolutely loved this episode! It was a perfect re-introduction to the Daleks and chock-full of character moments for The Doctor. While his first and last meetings with the creature are excellent, I find that the scene where he confronts the Dalek over the intercom to be the most powerful. That is where The Doctor, nearly incoherent with rage and hate (fueled by the Time War and by the Dalek forcing him to watch its killing spree) screams out that he wants the Dalek to kill itself. “Why don’t you just DIE?” There is a brief pause before his opponent quietly observes that “You. Would. Make. A Good. Da–lek.” The Doctor stops short at that, absolutely shocked and exhausted – all of the fight draining away from him with that one condemning statement. That was the darkest that we ever saw Nine get Although there were hints of it with his simmering rage from time to time, this is the only instance where his façade drops entirely and he just gives vent to his feelings. This is the moment when we see the real Doctor – the Doctor who has been hurt so many times and has so much pain and hatred bottled up inside that sometimes he just can’t keep on going without some sort of catharsis. It is effective because it doesn’t need a big long speech talking about how dark he is becoming; that one line and Eccleston’s reaction to it speak louder than any grandiose dialogue ever could. It is amazing how he can paint a picture of The Doctor’s thoughts just using his body language and facial expressions. This scene shows everything that makes Christopher Eccleston such a good Doctor: a bit of humor at the beginning, tons of darkness and little angst, and a huge dose of wonderful, believable, subtle acting that never gets old no matter how many times you watch him.

NuWho Review: Series 2 Episode 10 "Love & Monsters"

By: Russell T. Davies

**Spoilers**

If you have not yet watched this episode, please go and do so before proceeding.

              So whenever people are making lists of ‘Top 10 Worst Doctor Who Episodes’ to post on the internet, one can more or less guarantee that this episode will feature somewhere on that list. Feelings towards it range from people choose to ignore its existence to actively fantasising about hacking it apart. But I’m going to do the radical thing. I’m going to hazard the suggestion that this episode might not be as bad as its reputation. True it may be a bit more soapy in feeling than what some of the die-hard Whovians are looking for and even I will agree that the last fifteen minutes or so can be counted amidst some of the worst drivel ever to appear on television, but that doesn’t make the episode as a whole bad. The episode has major flaws, yes, and I promise that I will address them – but I hope to point out some of the good things about Love and Monsters in the process. Don’t believe it’s possible? Well, we’ll see.


Favorite Moments & Random Thoughts:

The episode opens with a young man stumbling his way through some weeds as he comes across the TARDIS. It’s a rather odd beginning with enough shaky cam to put The Hunger Games into second place, but this is a low-budget, Doctor-lite episode so that’s forgivable – particularly once we realise that the story is being told as the vlog of this young man named Elton.

- One thing this episode does that I find highly interesting is to give us an outsider’s view of The Doctor’s escapades. This portion of the episode refreshingly doesn’t take itself too seriously and treats us to a well-staged Scooby Doo chase scene, courtesy of Rose and The Doctor’s latest drooling foe. Yes it is a bit ridiculous, but sometimes you have to stop taking your show about a two-hearted alien that travels through time and space with a rickety police box and a ‘sonic’ screwdriver too seriously. 

- This is an episode clearly aimed at the younger demographic after the past two weeks of dark, heavy storytelling and I’m sure it wouldn’t kill you all to kick back and enjoy the silly foibles of life as told through sci-fi for forty odd minutes.

- Within the first eight minutes of the episode we are introduced to our second main protagonist for this episode, Ursula, and get a bit of back story on how Elton has met The Doctor before, as a small child. When one really looks at it, it is a valuable insight into how The Doctor affects the lives of those around him...those who don’t become companions, that is. That is one theme that runs throughout this entire episode, especially in regards to Elton’s life, and it is something I think we can all identify with. But this time is taken to give us a quick character profile for Elton. 

- He lives a perfectly normal life, aside from all of the mad things that have been happening around London thanks to Russell T. Davies’ obsession with having aliens invade the city. Some people have complained about the obvious reshooting with little attention to continuity that happens within this sequence. I say shut up and sit down. If you can accept a rubber, immovable mask as an evil overlord or that a load of green bubble wrap is a parasitic disease, then you can accept a bit of low-budget shooting. (And yes, I do know that when the Internet goes into meltdown it doesn't literally fry your PC...but you all do realise that that was an attempt at subtle visual humour, don't you? Calm down!)

- We are then introduced to Ursula, played by Shirley Henderson. She offers Elton more information about the man who calls himself ‘The Doctor’…and I will forever put Elton in the ‘like’ category because he refrained from asking “Doctor Who?”

- What this episode can be summed up as is a salute to the Whovian community through the group LINDA. They get together at first to discuss The Doctor, to analyse possible TARDIS sightings through history, to create fanart, and to just be around others with a similar obsession. Sound familiar? What is so amazing about this group is that, despite the number of people in it, we still get a chance to know and connect a bit with each person as the group progresses from a bunch of geeks hanging out together to friends becoming a support system. True there is a fair bit of telling rather than showing within these sequences, but within the context of this particular episode it works. It’s not Davies Forced Exposition and none of it is shoved down our throats. The actors all do a wonderful job of selling their individual stories and we get the feeling that these are real people banding together here, not just cardboard cut-outs designated to be this week’s red shirts.

- But then this man appears and all of the happy times abruptly grind to a halt. What I should very much like to know is where these pictures of The Doctor and Rose keep coming from? I know it is explained within the episode…but I’m pretty sure that the Tenth Doctor wasn’t anywhere near Trafalgar Square on this Christmas past, so where did the picture really come from? And this one looks like Rose about to make her first run into the TARDIS. Is it just me or was this creepy fatso apparently lurking about in the shadows somewhere? I do hope he didn’t interrogate poor Mickey too much after that scene; the bloke had already gone through enough for one day what with being eaten by a bin and having his girlfriend run out on him. Strike one for this episode.

- Victor Kennedy is a slimy lard-filled balloon who demands that everyone keep their distance from his ‘exzeema’ problems (a request I would be too willing to fulfil) and he takes the innocent little LINDA group and turns it into a Doctor-Gestapo with assignments and studying and interrogation tactics. He gives each of the members a picture of Rose and the TARDIS and sends them out into the city to find her while Bliss mysteriously disappears after a private meeting with Victor Kennedy. Umm...can we say 'CREEPY'?!

- Apparently something called ‘Bad Wolf Virus’ has gotten into the Torchwood files on Rose Tyler and The Doctor and corrupted them. I don't remember hacking computers being part of the whole "I take the words and scatter them..." speech.

- Whatever the reason for this apparent problem, one of the greatest faults of this episode (besides the unfortunate last fifteen minutes or so) is the fact that it sometimes plays out like a poorly-researched fanfiction…a bewildering fact seeing as how Mr. Davies himself wrote it…but that it what it reminds me of. Plot points are introduced that sound nice but when you really look at them they don’t really fit within the established chain of events. Strike two against this episode.

- Whenever I talk to people about this episode, I often find that the thing most despised is neither the writing nor the truly deplorable monster of the week. No, the thing that fans seem to scream in protest most about is the sheer amount of Jackie Tyler scenes within this episode. Since I like Jackie Tyler I have little problems within this fact, but if you’re not a Jackie fan then this might be another strike against the episode for you. 

- Personally I enjoyed the scene where Jackie beat Elton to all of the points just as he was trying to work up the courage and even some of the later awkward scenes where she is flirting only serve to highlight just how much she misses Mickey and her daughter. Jackie was a lonely figure to begin with and the images of her walking around the empty flat, trying to pick up guys for a bit of company, is quite sad. How the companions’ families were affected by their travels was never really addressed in the past, so it’s nice to see an episode dealing with that behind-the-scenes stuff for once. 

- Besides, it doesn’t last long because no sooner does Jackie start putting the moves on him then she finds a picture of Rose in his pocket and realises that he has been using her. Granted Jackie probably is no stranger to men just using her, but in this case it is different. In this case they are using her to get to the daughter which Jackie loves and adores and, through Rose, the two-hearted alien that Jackie has developed quite a soft spot for since his regeneration. This scene is painful. Not only have we had a good twenty minutes of seeing how happy Jackie is to have some pleasant company around her flat, but we’ve also spent an entire episode so far seeing the way Elton is being manipulated by Victor Kennedy. Yes Jackie was wrong to seduce him and yes he was wrong to lie to her...but these mistakes all culminate in a hurtful argument that leaves them both with less than they had before.

- Victor Kennedy was officially a creeper in a past life! I cheered whenever Elton, still stinging from the Jackie fiasco, finally stood up to the prissy, rotund man – but the good feelings all dissolved about the time he asked Mr. Skinner to stay behind and “Come a bit closer.” Urgh!

- This could have been an okay episode, really it could have. Upon its broadcast some critics (most notably Nick Setchfield of SFX) hailed it as RTD’s “…smartest, funniest scrip.” While I don’t agree with that assessment by any stretch of the imagination, feeling that even the ill-fated Slitheen two-parter contained more true humour, I have to admit that I was enjoying this episode upon the first watch. The style was quirky and odd, but it worked within the context of the story, and the members of LINDA were all likable enough that I was worried when one by one they started to disappear with screams. I would gladly have given this episode a decent rating, despite its moments of mediocrity and occasional sloppy continuity. But…well…we have to talk about it sometime. Let’s just get this over and done with. 

- The monster for this ill-fated week is called an Abzorbaloff and is portrayed by Peter Kay at his very worst. He was annoying as Victor Kennedy, but that was okay because he was the villain and he didn’t chew half so much scenery as Anthony Head, but once he got the green makeover he descended in the new depths of irritating that the Slitheen could only dream of. In fact, I would take the farting gaggle of giggling MP’s over an Abzorbaloff any day!

- I wonder if the poor little boy who designed this monster cried when he saw the monstrosity they had turned his concept into. I also wonder if he is now embarrassed to have his name tied to this episode. Once Victor Kennedy sheds his skin, the episode immediately goes to the dogs. The charm is gone, the plot is gone, heck...even the mystery is gone. He was what ruined this otherwise middle ground episode and made it into something that people hate.

- What is Russell T. Davies’ obsession with the Slitheen, anyway? Already they’ve featured in three stories as major antagonists and been mentioned in some shape or form in almost every other episode ever since. Why? They’re not particularly inspired creations and goodness only knows that they weren’t particularly well received. Series 1 I can understand because the production was already finished long before the airdate…but why all the references in Series 2? Is it because they, like Miss Rose Tyler, are Davies’ babies? Or does he just have some sort of fondness for fat folk and flatulence?

- Needless to say, while we can’t perhaps blame the Abzorbaloff completely on Davies, we certainly can blame the deliberate reference to the Slitheen on him...as well as the painful writing that saps away any integrity this episode had word by word. 

- A chase scene commences where Elton is eventually cornered by the Abzorbaloff and his trapped friends and he defeats the monster by breaking its cane (why this worked, I really don’t know…it was never explained or hinted at during any part of the episode). Rose and The Doctor then show up so that Rose can chew Elton out for what he did to her mother and The Doctor can finally tie up the dangling plot thread that was why Elton had seen this Doctor as a child. 

Personally, I think that this episode is not as bad as its reputation makes it out to be. True the ending is deplorable, disgusting, and despicable rubbish that should never see the light of day again…but up until the big reveal Love and Monsters is an interesting piece of television. Maybe it seems so bad because the last two episodes were so wonderful or maybe viewers just couldn’t get that "Still have a bit of a love life," comment out from where it had been seared onto their minds. I will agree that this episode has some major, major problems. But there is a lot to like too, especially if you are willing to cut back and let the show take itself lightly for a change. It is a lovely little tribute to the Whovian community and it is a shame about the ending. It isn’t perfect, it isn’t great, and it isn’t even as witty as Aliens of London – but I give Love and Monsters a 2/5 and encourage you to check it out. It’s worth one watch, at least, even if you’re just going for character development.

What did you think? Do you agree with my rating? If not - what would you say differently?

NuWho Review: Series 2 Episode 9 “The Satan Pit”

By: Matt Jones

**Spoilers**

If you have not yet watched this episode, please go and do so before proceeding.

Let us stop for a moment and pay homage to the amount of sheer audacity that it must have taken to write and produce an episode of Doctor Who that was to specifically deal with issues of religion and the supernatural from this angle. True scarcely a week goes by that we are not dealing with some sort of extraterrestrial being (or even pseudo-supernatural, like the Gelth) but to delve into a topic this taboo and dark is something that deserves respect. They have bypassed all of the cute, red, pitchfork-carrying Halloween costumes and went straight for the heart of the matter – treating the Devil like a tangible, real menace with both sensitivity and a fair amount of appropriate horror.


Favorite Moments & Random Thoughts:

- Not disappointing us after last time’s extremely tense cliffhanger, The Satan Pit tears out of its gates like a Triple Crown thoroughbred racing for the gold. The stakes are higher than ever and the noose never once goes slack as it inexorably tightens. 

- Within the first few minutes we have both a fine fire-fight between the Ood and the crew members and a question about the Devil from Rose who is sounding amazingly young and small as she practically begs The Doctor to tell her that Satan isn’t real. He doesn’t answer.

- And yet another factor on the creep-o-meter arrives; it wasn’t enough for the Devil to possess Toby, kill Scooti, and take over the entire hoard of Ood. Oh no...He had to hack into the computers and electrical system as well. Suddenly this whole menace became a whole lot more real. It’s easy enough to dismiss things as coincidence, folklore, or plain superstition whenever they remain in the realm of fairytales and magic…but somehow whenever cold, solid technology starts to be affected too it just puts another dynamic on the fear factor.

- But that isn’t all that this development brings. With The Beast controlling the station (through an apparent use of telepathy/telekinesis) the captain is trapped at the headquarters, Rose and her companions are stuck with Toby who may or may not be clean, and The Doctor and Ida have no way to get back up the shaft and away from the gaping Pit.

- Matt Jones had a stroke of genius here when he gives The Doctor a line where he lists off a dozen or so religions and cults and mockingly demands that The Beast reveal which Devil he is. Not only does this line deal with potential scoffers, but it also sends yet another chill down our spines when The Beast replies “All of them,” making us realize that we are probably dealing with the big evil behind all of the other stories of evil. It is the idea that in all of the stories of the world there is some element of truth. That truth may be twisted and perverted to suit the storyteller’s needs, but it is still there...the little seed of reality that just couldn’t be killed. Given the subject matter of this particular story, I’d say that that concept is quite dark and alarming.

- The Beast shows how he knows each of them and their deepest ears, delivering a prophecy about Rose’s coming death while he's at it. The Doctor manages to put up an exuberant façade to rally the courage of the crew. 

- "The soldier, the scientist, the little boy who lied..." If I didn't know better I would SWEAR that Matt Jones is a psychic and just described the Ninth, Tenth, and Eleventh Doctors in that one sentence.

- Someone makes the astute statement that the Devil works through basic fears, but The Doctor tries to divert the conversation with a quip about psychiatrists. He is trying to keep them focused on anything but the overwhelming, crushing darkness. Eventually The Beast has had enough of this gnat’s babblings and drops the capsule back down into the crevice, cutting off all communications. Rose finishes the job (good job to her...it’s about time she shows some initiative worthy of her reputation, although you'll notice that she doesn't assign herself any jobs to do) and they start searching for a way out of Hell.

- Having nothing else to try, Ida starts to lower The Doctor into the pit as he decides to go and explore “…where angels fear to tread” in hopes of finding his TARDIS. 

- And then comes one of the most meaningful discussions in this entire two-parter (which is saying something, given how packed the dialogue is). As The Doctor is entering the Pit, he and Ida ask themselves that question that everyone, man, woman, or Time Lord, must wrestle with at some point in their lives: “What do you believe, Doctor?” That is the true crux of the matter...the question that must be answered and the question that is the heart of all questions man might ask. While Moffat’s witty quips and terrifying timey-wimeyness is great, I wish that we could see more episodes of this caliber that were willing to delve as deep into tough issues as this one was. 

- Everything was handled so well and David Tennant’s performance as The Doctor really sold the scene as you get the feeling that our Time Lord has never really slowed down long enough to allow himself to ask that vital question; and here it hits him hard.

- While this is going on, Rose and the gang are participating in a life-or-death game of tag in the maintenance shafts with the possessed Ood. As if the immediate threat of termination by Ood-globe wasn’t enough, these shafts only have a thin supply of air that Captain Zach has to keep manipulating into each section before he can open the gate and let the humans through. Naturally this makes for several exceedingly tense moments and close escapes. The whole sequence is claustrophobic and almost morbidly humorous as they crawl through the shafts in terror at a breakneck pace. 

- It is here that Jefferson, the soldier, basically sacrifices his life for his companions. Not much is made of the death amidst all of the action (unlike poor Scooti) but it still somehow manages to make just as great an impact as the first death of this story. True Jefferson gets an excellent pre-mortem speech, but his actual time of death actually happens off screen and the frantic pace immediately picks up again…and we learn that poor Toby is not in fact clean after all.


- It should be noted that Toby is not a megalomaniac bent on world domination nor is he a particularly odious prat who probably had a hidden sadistic streak. In the story he is a quiet, slightly introverted young man who just happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time and is being used for an evil purpose. It is tragic, but I thank the story for not falling to the temptation of making Toby bad-to-the-bone.

- The Doctor falls into the pit, Zach declares that they’re going to have to abandon the base, and Ida resigns herself to a slow death down in the chamber. 

- This is a quiet scene full of sadness and every single aspect of the production team sells it perfectly. Even Rose’s declaration that she’s going to stay with The Doctor manages to come across as truly poignant rather than bratty (unlike in The Parting of the Ways) and I give her points for that (although I could have done without her threats of shooting Zach...there is such a thing as going overboard). 

- Nothing, absolutely nothing ruins the hopelessness and just general down feeling of this scene. We feel as though we’ve hit rock bottom and that is a good thing for the purposes of the episode. For so long it has been a breath-stealing chase to fix things as the characters race against time. While things were dark and frightening, there was still hope…but now there is nothing but despair. Every story has to hit that low point and it is done so effectively here that it is almost beyond belief.

- Then comes a scene that to this day I still have trouble watching: The Doctor comes face to face with the very thing that he has tried so hard not admit even exists...and he is terrified!

- Look at him! Even as he half-jokingly mock The Beast it is clear that all of his babble is simply posturing. And when The Doctor is properly terrified of something, I think it’s safe to say that we should be too. I’m going to show a picture of the Devil now because, well, you kind of have to:

- Yes, His appearance is absolutely grotesque but what is infinitely more terrible about Him is that, as The Doctor observes, although His body may be chained in all of its true horror down here in the Pit, His mind is still free to roam abroad. Talk about raising the scare bar yet again!

- I said when I reviewed The Doctor Dances that one of the most frightening things about sci-fi is the technology-gone-wrong scenario just because of the simple fact that you can’t reason with technology. Well, allow me to present to you something that is frightening no matter what genre it appears in: a body that is captured but a mind that is free to manipulate, to possess, to wreak havoc. Because something like that which is truly evil can’t be reasoned with, not really. You can try...but in the end you will only destroy yourself as you open your mind for its. 

- Then comes the realization that Toby is gone and the mind of the Beast is escaping from the Pit.

- The Doctor realizes that in order to 'kill' the mind of the Beast he has to sacrifice Rose. The only solution he has is to break the prison and destroy the gravity field, sending the rocket into the black hole.

-“So, that's the trap. Or the test, or the final judgment, I don't know. But if I kill you, I kill her. Except that implies in this big grand scheme of Gods and Devils that she's just a victim. But I've seen a lot of this universe. I've seen fake gods and bad gods and demi-gods and would-be gods, and out of all that, out of that whole pantheon, if I believe in one thing, just one thing, I believe in her.”

- He smashes the prison jars and basically sets The Beast on fire, revealing the true nature of ‘Toby’ to the others on the rocket and destroying the gravity field.

- And then everything literally goes to Hell. 

- A big shout-out should go to Will Thorp who plays Toby. The entire cast had a hard script to sell here and they all do a great job, but it is Thorp who really shines – both as Toby and as The Beast. The way he switches almost effortlessly between the two characters is impressive and his portrayal of possessed!Toby is both scary and fascinatingly disturbing in how evil it is. This was not an easy part to play, but I think he does it about as well as it’s ever going to be done. 

- The final scene in the rocket where the Devil realizes what has happened and is basically spitting out Its death throws is chilling and makes us cheer when Rose delivers the appropriate line “Go to Hell!” and uses the gun to send Toby flying into the black hole. We all breath a big sigh of relief even as we mourn the passing of poor Toby

- But then we realize that the rocket is still falling to the black hole as well. The Beast may be gone, but death is still coming. 

- We see Ida running out of air at last and the poor Ood all huddled together for comfort. Cue the chills and the sobbing…

- But it doesn’t last long because The Doctor finds his beloved TARDIS and catches them, saving the dying Ida while he’s at it. We almost get our feel-good ending…though it is really bittersweet as Zach reads out all the names of the deceased, including the Ood, reminding us that all victories inevitably come at a cost. And referencing Alien.

Well, that was quite a ride! These two episodes are easily the most likely of NuWho to get your heart racing from pure fear-based adrenaline as they address the very base fears of mankind. It is extremely well written and handles a rather touchy subject with both respect and sensitivity. I rate The Satan Pit as an 5/5. I wish more episodes would be as brave as this one.

What did you think? Do you agree with my rating? If not - what would you say differently?

Book Review: Castaways Trilogy

             There are always a few books that I feel everyone should read at some point in their lives. There are many things that can make a book fall so high in my recommendations. Sometimes it may be because of the morals taught therein, others because of the relatable characters and intricate plot, and every once and a while I love it just because it is an excellent read that will transport you to another world. Today’s series, the Castaways Trilogy, is no exception. Written by the same man responsible for the Redwall Series (a formulaic but exceedingly gripping saga that spans over twenty novels) these books take their inspiration from the legend of the Flying Dutchman.

            According to that legend, the Flying Dutchman was a ship caught in a tremendous storm off of the Cape of Good Hope. The captain, Van der Decken, cursed God and swore that he would sail around the cape even if it took him to the day of judgement. Immediately following that rash declaration, and angel appeared and cursed the ship to do just that: to sail the seas forever more, never for the sailors to set foot upon the shore until the sea gave up its dead and the seal is broken on the book of life. It is a dark, spooky tale that was only made stronger by superstitious sailors and natural phenomena (like sea mirages) that seemed to mirror the images of a ghostly vessel.

            Many different adaptations of this story have been made and there are several slightly different versions of the legend. There has been poetry, both strictly about the Dutchman and simply alluding to it; movies; songs; and even a Wagner opera. But I am here today to talk about the book trilogy by Brian Jacques, which takes a slightly different look at this dark tale.

               The first book in the story, Castaways of the Flying Dutchman, tells the events of the legend through the eyes of the young cabin boy, Ben. When the ship was cursed, the angel saw that Ben and his dog, Ned, were not truly evil at heart like the rest of the crew and so they were flung overboard and given the charge of wandering the earth forever young, using their immortal lives to spread purity and teach goodness wherever they went. To aid them in their task of helping the world, Ben and Ned were given the ability to communicate telepathically and this only caused the bond between boy and dog to grow ever stronger.

                 The following two books chronicle the continued adventures of Ben and Ned as they struggle to deal with the curse of immortality and to find their place in the world. This series is full of myth and adventure and there are many, many colourful characters throughout all of the stories. Our protagonists are extremely enjoyable to read and to connect with and, despite their being immortal beings, refreshingly real and funny. The supporting cast is great and the mystery of each book, while Jacques-typical, is still not predictable or boring. I would highly recommend these books as must-reads for anyone ages 8+. They are engaging for kids, fun for adults, and just great books all around.

Note: These books do contain a bit of mild swearing, some dark themes, and a fairly high death count that is not limited to red shirts. For those concerned, lying is also a large part of the stories as Ben and Ned try to navigate through the changing world.

NuWho Review: Series 2 Episode 8 “The Impossible Planet”

By: Matt Jones

**Spoilers**

If you have not yet watched this episode, please go and do so before proceeding.

 

             If you go to the TV Tropes website and look up the term ‘Nightmare Fuel’ under ‘Live-Action TV’ and 'Doctor Who' you will find that Mr. Steven Moffat has an entire page devoted solely to his work. Not that I’m surprised, mind you. This is the mind that schemed up both the Weeping Angels and Vashta Nerada…but I digress. While The Empty Child might be scarier than a bag of used tissues, I would like to suggest that today’s episode takes those used tissues and starts a blazing bonfire with them.

              Okay, so maybe that analogy isn’t a perfect illustration of what this episode does because rather than just being all flashy fire and brimstone, it operates on so many levels of terrifying. While other Doctor Who writers are known for creating funny episodes or dark episodes or downright awful episodes, Moffat holds the title for creating the high-quality, frightening episodes in the revived show. Generally when you ask someone what the scariest NuWho episode is they'll mention something written by Steven Moffat. Yet somehow Matt Jones has managed to concoct a two-parter that makes the Silents seem like cuddly, pink teddy bears. It is full of good, old-fashioned horror and some surprisingly deep and dark concepts. So shall we take a look?


Favorite Moments & Random Thoughts:

- The Doctor and Rose land on a space station and The Doctor observes that his poor TARDIS is feeling a little bit queasy. He then shares a giggle with Rose before the two of them exit the cupboard they landed in to investigate this new environment.

- This was when I knew that The Impossible Planet was going to be a good episode. We’re less than two minutes in and already plot threads are being woven into the start of a rather eerie mystery. There is a wall with strange writing on it...writing that the TARDIS won’t translate because it is so incredibly, impossibly old. Not only is The Doctor rather unnerved by this fact, but there is also a fine touch of viola or cello music in the score that plays a mystical melody as they examine the message that is beyond the reach of the TARDIS' knowledge. Already things are atmospherically perfect

- They get introduced to the crew of the space station (after finding out that the 'feeding' Ood only want to offer refreshments) and then get the sight of what makes this planet so impossible. Turns out, it is orbiting a black hole. The frightening thought is...what can bend the laws of physics and compete with the all-consuming gravity of a black hole?

- I still think that the hug The Doctor forces on Zach breaks the excellent mood a bit due to its cheesiness, but thankfully the moment only lasts a moment before he realises that the TARDIS is gone. Episodes where The Doctor is stranded (either on Earth or some asteroid) generally have a high sense of tension about them...a tension that would be there even without the overarching plot. The Doctor and the TARDIS are such a symbiotic couple that any episode where they are split apart leaves me waiting and waiting for their reunion. 

- Here the stakes are raised even higher, though, because not only is the TARDIS gone to someplace we don’t know but the place that The Doctor is trapped on is an impossible planet orbiting a black hole with a creepy voice that whispers in the corridors of a space station and writing that not even the TARDIS can translate written on the walls. Throw in all of the talk about mythology, death, and something reaching out and you have the recipe for something full of tension.

- "I need my ship! She's all I've got - literally the only thing." And doesn't that just make your heart clench with sadness...

- Another thing that is great during this part of the episode is the way that The Doctor apologizes to Rose, clearly feeling guilty about stranding her with him at the edge of the universe. Granted, Rose’s reply isn’t quite what it probably should have been…but I’ll let it slide because she is just a nineteen-year-old human. At least she’s not insufferable just at this moment. Her reaction, while perhaps not the kindest thing she could have said, is somewhat justified, given the situation. This is more than just being stranded thousands of years in the future. This is thousands of years in the future orbiting a black hole. Now, granted, some characters would have just bucked up and said nothing...but after so much of Rose being selfishly brash and reckless it is nice to see her realize the gravity of the situation. (Sorry – terrible pun!) Besides, it gets the desired emotional trigger across to the audience to see the two travelers standing there clinging to each other.

- C. S. Lewis once observed that there is nothing worse than having to stand in a room reading with your back to an open door. Much as I agree with his assessment of the awfulness of that situation, I have proof that there is something much worse.

 

- Toby the archaeologist is sitting in the room he shares with Danny, a fellow crew member. While he is working on some more transcribing, he hears a voice call out from behind him. This voice is the same as the one he heard calling his name earlier in the episode while he was checking on the storm damage. The voice speaks softly but menacingly and tells Toby not to turn around lest he die.

 - You know, I’m getting the shivers just thinking about this whole concept. This scene is definitely one that you want to watch with your back to a solid wall! But that’s not even the worst part. By far the most terrifying moment of this whole ordeal is the moment where Toby finally can’t take it anymore and looks over his shoulder but doesn’t die. It is one of those moments, rather like the recorded tape from The Doctor Dances, which only gets better upon repeated views. After looking over his shoulder and not dying, Toby turns back around and makes as if to start his work again; only to see that the mysterious writing is now scrawled all over his skin. Anyone familiar with either mythology or exorcist films are left with little doubt about what comes next:

- Yes, Toby is possessed and proceeds to kill a member of the crew: poor, innocent Scooti who never did anything wrong that we see and who seemed like a delightful person all round is murdered by Toby breaking an airlock and letting her first be suffocated by the vacuum of space and then sucked into the black hole. 

- Not only is this death properly horrific because it is a woman being killed by someone she should have been able to trust, but it also shows such a sharp contrast between quiet, nice Toby and cruel, sadistic, possessed!Toby.

- But Toby is not the only one who seems to be possessed by an evil entity. The Ood also have fallen victim to this as they stand there with red eyes, chanting lines that wouldn’t sound out of place in the book of Revelations. The effect of all of their automated voices speaking at once is quite unnatural as well...calling to mind stories of the Legion and similar dark ideas.

- Even if you are not a Christian or religious and do not believe in something like the Devil this is sure to rattle you just a bit. It is not only the lines and the delivery and the sheer claustrophobic setting of it all. The way the main characters react to all of this (they are bewildered and then terrified) just sells the scare factor. The fact that Toby doesn’t remember anything that he’s done after he ‘wakes up’ from his possession is relieving at first…until you realize that he’s not really free.

- Everything in this episode is so heavy and deep that it would be quite depressing were it not for little touches like The Doctor panicking because he’s going to have to get a house with a mortgage. There aren’t really any silly moments and there is no witty banter providing humor. It is a dark episode that deals with themes of death and the supernatural. When Torchwood was created the idea was for it to be a more adult counterpoint to the sometimes-campy show that sired it...yet I believe that this two-parter contains more adult themes and material than all of the swearing and sex that Torchwood could ever foist upon us. 

- This episode delves right into the heart of human thought and philosophy as the characters are forced to face up with the question of ‘what do I believe?’ Everyone has to ask that question at some point in his or her lives and everyone finds something to answer it with. Whole nations have risen and fallen due to wise men that pondered this. Hundreds of religions all exist to provide and answer for men. This is mature and dark stuff and it is all handled with respect, the story-telling being merely a framework for the real mystery to happen within, managing to avoid any of the more trite clichés that could have haunted it.

  

- Even The Doctor and Rose have made a comeback from their frankly alarming personas of the past few episodes as they sit and actually have a proper conversation about life and the future. All traces of smugness are gone; all tendencies of cutseyness are notably missing as well. You just get the feeling that two friends are sitting there, knowing that they are trapped, and trying their best to make the other feel better even as they realistically face their problem and explore possible solutions. 

- But the quiet, domestic moment doesn’t last. Mere moments go by before we are back to the action and suspense. The drill has reached what they call point zero and Ida Scott prepares to head down the shaft to investigate what is down there, what was reaching out and generating all of the gravitational energy. The Doctor volunteers to go down with her (gaining his iconic spacesuit when he does) and Rose tells him to take care of himself: “I want that suit back in one piece, d’you hear me?” Before she gives him a good-luck kiss on the forehead.

 

          What this episode does and does extremely well is giving an overriding feeling of impending doom. Even as Ida and The Doctor prepare to fulfill the crew’s mission and enter the pit, we don’t feel uplifted or ecstatic. If anything the mood is quite ominous and you just want to scream out and tell them not to go. Usually a sequence like this would be used to build up a false sense of security before the big mid-story cliff-hanger, but it is all the more powerful here because of the niggling seeds of doubt that grow ever taller the longer you watch. Danny’s telling the Ood that no authority can override his instructions to them is merely the last nail in the coffin. Suddenly the danger becomes more palpable than ever and the tension jumps up at least ten more notches simply because the possession of the Ood was set up in such a creepy manner earlier. You can feel that the characters are on edge and uneasy. You can see that they’re still grieving for Scooti, but have to complete their mission. You can see that Toby isn’t quite all there. It is a tremendous performance from the cast, brilliant writing and direction, and a surprisingly subtle score that all meld together to form an amazing episode.

            As the capsule lowers into the shaft you get the feeling that The Doctor’s curiosity and love of knowledge is going to get him into major trouble this time. The caverns and carvings are beautiful, yes, in the sense that they are intricate and amazingly well preserved; but they are hideously frightening. Then Ida and The Doctor find The Pit and, well, anyone who knows their biblical history knows that they are in deep, deep trouble! Between the Ood being possessed, Toby’s troubles, and now an ancient entity that has been sealed in a pit I would say that it is time to start praying hard and possibly running. This episode is dark, the episode is creepy, this episode is adult, and this episode has an extremely underplayed and tense cliffhanger. The writing is intense and deep and the execution simply amazing. The special effects all look wonderful and the acting of the cast superb. I give The Impossible Planet an 5/5 and say that I look forward to its resolution in The Satan Pit.

What did you think? Do you agree with my rating? If not - what would you say differently?

NuWho Review: Series 2 Episode 7 “The Idiot’s Lantern”

By: Mark Gatiss

**Spoilers**

If you have not yet watched this episode, please go and do so before proceeding

Oh, help me! 

            The episode begins well enough. It’s nothing spectacular (just a man doing his accounting whenever his television starts talking directly to him) but it did lure me into a false sense of security whenever I first watched it. I thought that this would be one of the mediocre episodes, along the line of The End of the World or Boom Town. How wrong I was! Within the first three minutes of the episode we are introduced to our two main baddies of the episode…creations so subtly evil that they never quite manage to strike fear into my heart. While the idea of The Wire is rather unsettling, Eddie Connolly is less than stellar, coming across as an oafish lout who has the mistaken belief that he is a world-famous author. (“I. Am. TOLKIEN!”) But these two are not the main problem of this episode - oh no - the biggest annoyance is the delightful duo of Rose and The Doctor.


Favorite Moments & Random Thoughts:

- Apparently completely recovered from the traumatic events of the parallel earth (and the loss of Mickey), the two lovebirds giggle and smirk their way through this adventure with a brand of smugness that makes their New Earth personas seem practically angelic. 

- The Doctor is taking Rose on a date, it would seem, and their destination is to see Elvis Presley perform on the Ed Sullivan Show. A noble goal, I will concede, and one that they should have stuck to reaching rather than plaguing us with their presence in this episode.

- The main problem with this story (despite being a rehash of tired ideas and nothing new or innovative) is the fact that it comes across as very preachy and tries all too hard to ram what I think is supposed to be The Point down your throat. It takes a very special episode to hammer away at a stance or idea and yet still leave the audience with no idea what they just watched…but somehow The Idiot’s Lantern manages to do just that with its dubious MIB-channeling farce of a police force to the overall idea that Eddie Connolly is becoming the very thing he went to war against. 

- I mean, c’mon, the television antennas are shaped like Nazi Swastikas, for Pete’s sake, and the faceless people are taken away and kept in cages! Just how hard does this episode have to try before we all become sick of ‘The Point’?

- Anyway, Rose and The Doctor discover that they are not in New York but in London just in time for Queen Elizabeth’s coronation. They observe a group of policemen carting away a figure while a woman screams and get a bit of exposition from Tommy Connolly who is the only semi-likable character in this entire episode. What follows is a car chase that is the definition of not exciting. Gosh. We’re seven minutes into the episode and already I don’t care whether or not The Doctor solves the mystery or not. It’s that boring!

- You know it’s not a good sign when I find myself cheering as The Doctor gets socked on the jaw. True Eddie Connolly has gone from a bit of an oaf, but a basically loving dad/husband, to a blustering idiot whose only purpose seems to be grating on everyone’s nerves, but I still find The Doctor’s bellowing, juvenile approach to be just as offensive. 

- Okay, so I’ll admit that the faceless people are rather unsettling upon the first watch but they utterly fail to hold up upon further viewing or even thinking. If the faces were gone then how did the people breath? Inhaling oxygen and exhaling carbon dioxide were still vital to life, last I checked. Are we seriously supposed to believe that all of these people have survived this long without air? And then there’s the almost total neural shutdown. If their brains were almost completely dead then why are they still standing and walking and (in the case of the grandmother) tapping the floor? Shouldn’t they be lying in a heap while their body tries to use the last few shreds of brain activity to keep their hearts beating? And that’s assuming that the breathing issue wasn’t a problem for them. The whole thing is just ludicrous and actually quite laughable.

- Even whenever Rose’s face is sucked away I felt no suspense or fear. Granted, I’m not a big Rose fan at the best of times and even less in this episode, but it still should have raised the stakes and tension for The Doctor…but it didn’t. Maybe it was his over-the-top reaction, making him sound like a blustering boyfriend, or maybe it was the incessant cries of “FEED MEEEEE!” that got to me, but whatever it was, this episode has no tension, no stakes, and really no characters to care about.

           

- There is one tiny ray of light in this depressingly bad episode, however, and that is the Tommy-Doctor interactions. While it is fun to watch The Doctor mess around with the police officer’s minds (with his admittedly funny comment about holding elbows) that mood is quickly broken by his discovery of Rose and the resulting temper tantrum. Watching Tommy work with the Time Lord in the station tower is a sheer pleasure to watch. Granted there is little to no tension or fear because we all know by this point that The Doctor will save the day (he even said so: “Because now, Detective Inspector Bishop, there is no power on this Earth that can stop me.”) but the way these two characters interact here is genuinely heart-warming. 

- Too bad it is interspersed with progressively more grating cries of “HUNGRY, SOOO HUNGRY! FEEEEEED MEEEEEEE!”...a catchphrase that became tiresome and old as soon as it was first repeated.

- But even poor Tommy doesn’t escape this episode unscathed. For all of his likability and sympathy mongering for the first three quarters of the episode, it is all destroyed whenever he ‘finds his heart’ and spouts off the truly charming line to his jerk of a father: “You don't get it, do you? You fought against fascism, remember? People telling you how to live, who you could be friends with, who you could fall in love with, who could live and who had to die. Don't you get it? You were fighting so that little twerps like me could do what we want, say what we want. Now you've become just like them. You've been informing on everyone, haven't you? Even Gran. All to protect your precious reputation.”

- And with that one sentence, Tommy just lost all respect in my eyes. This could have been a wonderful, meaningful speech.

- Even Rita finally kicking her boor of a husband out carries little to no weight because we all know that as soon as The Doctor and their relatives leave (i.e. everyone Eddie wants to appear respectable in front of) there will be little stopping him from forcing his way back in again. This family is dysfunctional even as the episode tries to make them unite against a common evil...but it's not because of the blustering oaf that Tommy calls 'Dad'. We should have been able to connect with Tommy and the downtrodden Rita (admittedly well portrayed by Debra Gillett) but because of these dialogue and logical problems it is fighting an uphill battle to even attempt at liking their characters. 

             This episode is a massive disappointment to re-watch and be forced to remember just what made it so bad.  I almost wish I could take the time to spell out every awful moment and why it just didn't work...but then I would end up summarizing almost every second of every scene and no one wants to have to read that. I had come to expect so much more from Mark Gatiss and so perhaps I went in initially with higher hopes than usual, but even from a mere storytelling aspect The Idiot’s Lantern is a failure with a dull, unoriginal story and boring or downright despicable characters. Unlike New Earth, which was a boring attempt at satire but still had a few hilarious moments scattered throughout, this episode neither entertained me nor hit me in the feels. But it’s not worth the brainpower to spend time and energy hating on it either. 1/5

What did you think? Do you agree with my rating? If not - what would you say differently?