The Man-'O-Meter: BBC Sherlock Edition.

          Ladies and gentlemen you are gathered here today to bear witness to my new experiment. Yes, you're guinea pigs. Sorry. But I promise this'll be a blog post you will remember, and I'm sure you won't mind anyway. Anyway, onwards? Onwards. Here we go!!

**And the blog post weather forecast for today is that it'll be sunny, with good moods, many laughs and mild hints of SPOILERS!**

       So, the idea behind this is that I do all the guys from the latest and greatest TV series' of all time. They can be good, they can be bad, they can be hot, they can be...not so hot. Whomever they are, they shall be noted, written down and rated (on a scale of 1-10, with 1 being Gollum and 10 being Dean Winchester. But if you have an opinion or disagree, do let me know and we'll discuss the very serious matter...) by, yours truly. '

WILLIAM SHERLOCK SCOTT HOLMES

Portrayed by the magnificent Benedict Cumberbatch, he is the dysfunctional, anti-social and high-functioning sociopath of the series. Deducing everyone is his game and, despite what many think, John Watson is NOT his flame. Sorry, that was really bad. I just thought it'd be cool if stuff rhymed. Anyway, MOVING ON. He had a girlfriend, but that turned out to be a flop... poor girl got bonked on the head. 

He spends half his time starving himself while doing cases and the rest of the time shooting walls and still starving himself. "Eating is boring..." or something like that. Seriously, he's like a Suffragette. He has only one best friend, more enemies than friends and a brother – who affectionately calls himself Sherlock's arch-enemy. That tells you quite a bit, doesn't it...? And he can WEAR a pair of skinny jeans. DAYUM!

Has the most awesomest coat in the history of coats, that some fangirls almost love more than the character/actor himself. 

Has an unhealthy obsession with whipping things with a riding crop (did he get it from Irene Adler for the day? Wow, imagine: Riding Crops For Hire, Get Yours Today! Only 5 Pounds Per Hour!) and doesn't seem to give a fez at how AWESOME HE LOOKS WHILE DOING IT...

Also has the funniest habit of not walking on the floor, but rather OVER things. He wouldn't have a problem with those stupid maths sums saying 'as the crow flies...' Mind you, he wouldn't have a problem with any maths problems, come to think of it...as long as it didn't have anything to do with astronomy...

Also can't seem to stop being drugged. Or drunk. Both of those give us this drool-worthy outcome, though...

Also says the awesomest things that fangirls across the world use as a codeword:

And manages to look like Kahn/John Harrison with curls in the wrong program... Uh... Sh- Sherlock? Your Smaug is showing...

Also, considering he only had that mind-romance-thing with Irene Adler, and that he claims that 'relationships? Not really my area' the dude can KISS.

LIKE. A. BOSS. Okay, yeah, I know that wasn't really him, and just something Gatiss and Moffat picked up from all the Sherlolly shippers when trolling through Tumblr one day... (Imagine: Gatiss: 'Hey Steve, look at this! Let's torture them more shall we...?' Moffat: *Laughs evilly, rubbing his hands together in devilish glee*)... but I couldn't have felt that this part of the post was finished until that was there...

So, I now bestow a 9.9999999999 out of 10 on this magnificent person for sexiness, snogging, sarcasm and being SHERLOCK-BLOODY-HOLMES. 'Nuff said!



JOHN HAMISH WATSON

This adorable character is played by the amazingly talented, ever-popular Martin Freeman. John is a ex-soldier addicted to adventure, jam and jumpers. Also seen as a hedgehog to Sherlock's otter, he is really quite under appreciated. He is married to A.G.R.A, or Mary Morstan – whomever you prefer – and is expecting a baby. Somehow the idea of a mini-Watson running around is so adorable it makes me want to fangirl really, reallly hard every time I think about it. How many of y'all wanna do it too...? Just me? Ummm. O-kay... He really loves Sherlock and puts up with a helluva lot from his best friend and flatmate. Like the... head part of a Headless Monk in the fridge, umbrella-fetished brothers and walls being shot, all in the name of BOREDOM.

He also has the most adorably cute facial expressions... 

Oh, look! Here's another one! 

And with that, I give this amazing character 9.5 out of 10 for pure adorableness, badassery, tolerance and nerves of STEEL. He's almost like Britain’s Superman/Man Of Steel...

GREG LESTRADE

The long-suffering DI of the series, played by the 'silver fox' Rupert Graves. The all new model comes with split-second changes from exasperated father to serious work colleague, all for free! Sure it wastes energy sending that Sherlock's way, but hey, whatever! He also has two monkeys, Anderson (see a little further below) and Donovan. Both of them are on Team HATE SHERLOCK, until Season 3, where one of the members goes to the DARK SIDE. They have geniuses there. 

Has the gorgeous ability of looking completely nonchalant on fake drugs busts...

And is good at facing Sherlock's wrath. Which can be kinda... Smaug-like. Anyways, he's addicted to doughnuts, and will do nothing unless it's his division.

Also takes sunglasses off...  

I also think he's has been spending too much time with Sherlock because of all the accidentally-on-purpose insults, and his awesome ability of thinking on his feet and NOT stating the obvious at all...

I give this AWESOME DI an 9 out of 10, for tolerance, badassery and Silver Fox Sexiness. 

HENRY KNIGHT 

A young man who goes to our Dynamic Detective Duo for help. He had all these lovely nightmares thinking that his Dad got killed by a dog, a humongous HOUND, and that he'd be next. Turns out - after almost shooting his therapist in the head, - there was an outrageous amount of shooting going on, actually... -

...and looking god awful in the process, poor guy, - that it was a all an experiment, and that the creepy scientist dude apologizes, but can he please be allowed to go run in the mine field and get BLOWN UP...? He also isn't a very happy or optimistic person...

Also, the only reason why I remembered him - yeah, I'm nice, aren't I? - is because... well, of his... ears. Yes, okay, I know, I know, really weird. But I have a thing about ears. And hot dudes in hats... erm... yeah. ANYWAYS. Back to the point. Once upon a time, there was this lovely show called Merlin, and in Merlin, there is a character called Merlin - profound, I know. Now, have you seen Merlin's ears...? If you haven't you have quite clearly have not watched the show, or you're blind. So, back to Henry. The only reason why I remembered him is because as soon as I saw him, I was like: "Cas' Fluffy White Wings! What the hound are Merlin's ears doing here of all places?!" Don't believe me? Well, take a look-see, dearies: 

-Merlin's Ears: 

-Henry's Ears:

See where I'm coming from? THERE IS NO DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE TWO! Except that perhaps Merlin's ears are a wee bit bigger...

Has this crazy ability to ask really, really meaningful questions...

And I'd react in exactly the same way if I was seeing/being haunted by this:

Give me THIS HOUND:

and Sherlock by my side any day... 

Oh, and look! He's going to regenerate! Just throw your head back and start glowing now...

 So, I give this awesome young fellow a 7.5 out of 10 for patience, perseverance, earness and a willpower that might just contest John's in the future...

PHILLIP ANDERSON

Is Lestrade's forensic dude. Originally really really hated Sherlock - along with his charming... um... mistress, Sally Donovan - but a tiny bit before Season 3, he becomes the biggest fanboy out there. 

He created this fan-group called 'The Empty Hearse'. He also appears to be its setter-upper... seriously. He even bloody tracked Sherlock's movements! I'd love to know what brought about the change... oh. Yeah. Right. A five letter word, that's rights... G.U.I.L.T. Man. Who knew that G.U.I.L.T turned you into a greasy haired, needing a shave... dude. Anyways. He gets told the TOTAL LIE ABOUT SHERLOCK'S FALL and reacts accordingly...:

That all fangirls use now to show disbelief or excitement. **shakes head** We're a sad bunch. WE NEED THERAPY NOW! 

So, I give this... um... Bearded-Snape-Fanboy a... a... 5.5 out of 10 for... for no longer hating on Sherlock.



TOM SOMETHINGOROTHER

         Is Molly Hooper's short-term fiancé. He really is stupider than Anderson (renowned for his 'meat dagger' comment...and that's all he's remembered for.)

Also looks insanely like Sherlock (Molly has it B.A.D.)

And the jury's still out as to whether he's one of the sniper's in 'The Reichenbach Fall'. 

This dude gets a 3. Why? Because, that's why.



BILLY 'THE WIG' WIGGINS

Bloke who gets his wrist sprained by John Watson in a drug den. Oh, that sounds SO wrong. Ummm... Ooookay... John's neighbours asked him if he could go find their son, who was in this drug den. Billy wouldn't tell John where this bloke was, so John did his kicking soldier-y stuff to get some info out of him, and accidentally-on-purposely sprained Billy's wrist in the process. There, THAT sounds so much better. Phew...

After Sherlock did a whole 'Surprise John, I'm high!' thing, the whole Baker Street family – Mary included - headed off to St. Barts Hospital... **barely holds together at mention of 'St. Barts Hospital'. Who doesn't?** There he deduces the hedgehog out of John – which impresses Sherlock – and introduces himself as a piece of hair décor. Yeah. A wig.

He then becomes Sherlock's pet dog thing. Oh wait, whats the word..? Protégé! Yeah. Okay. Well, Sherlock uses him as his sort of go-getting dude. I assume Billy is his live-in Baker Street Irregular. Oh, and on a side note: THE MAN'S NAME IS WILLIAM WIGGINS! Oh, poor bloke. Moffat... **simmers more over the evilness of the man** This dude gets a... hmmm... 6 out of 10 for name pity and weirdness. XD

Y'know, to those of you who are Supernatural Fangirls as well... the apocalypse is upon us! I know who Lucifer is! He's not Mark Pellegrino – though he is creepy and evil in his own way – no, he's a wonderful guy named STEVEN-FREAKING-MOFFAT! Anyway, back to the subject. Though going off on a tangent is FUN...

Okay, no holding back, this is the bad guy territory now... dammit, I was hoping it went away. No such luck. Okay, here we go...

B.N (Blogger's Note):Right, now, just a little note to say that I am now going into the baddie territory... wish me luck, and hopefully I don't shudder so much, I can't type... *shudders*

JAMES 'JIM' MORIARTY

Okay, this guy's part is probably gonna be about as long as Sherlock's... I do NOT need Moriarty/Andrew Scott fangirls coming and murdering me in the night... Alright, here we go!

Portrayed by the... um... slim- *sees looks, quickly changes tack* GREAT Andrew Scott. He is a rather evil individual **Oh, bugger off, he is!** who plays 'games' with Sherlock. This guy obviously didn't get the memo when he was a kid... imagine, his mom: 'No honey, you DON'T pull the heads off your army soldiers because they weren't standing up! That guy doesn't stand up anyway, he's a sniper!' Yeesh. Okay, anyway, his only aim in life is to soil Sherlock's reputation. He posed as 'Rich Brook' who is... was... whatever... a struggling children's programme actor dude thingie. Whatever, I wouldn't watch that if you freaking PAID me. Sir Boast-A-Lot my arse!

He LOVES his suits and he is a total, total, TOTAL drama queen! **Ignores murderous gleams in fangirls' eyes**

Though I think I prefer this one:

I half expect him to be clicking his fingers in a 'Z' formation down his body. Seriously. Honey. And I've seen in him a crown. Big deal! 

He also died... though I think he has this attitude...

His stage name literally means Riechenbach. Richard Brook sounds less ominous.

Lots of people find him sexy, like with Loki (the Tom Hiddleston one, Em!) but I don't see the appeal. Give me the good guys any day. The only time I like the bad guys is when Sam and Dean are Leviathan, or just downright evil - like it appears Dean is going to be this season - because they were HOT as good guys and even HOTTER as bad guys. How have we fangirls survived this long?!

His ringtone is Stayin' Alive from the BeeGees. I'll leave that right there... 

Also thinks 'ordinary humans' are adorable...

He also NEEDS kids, because referring to himself as 'Daddy' is just downright weird.

Also thinks he has the power of that one Silver Surfer dude - I think he became Captain America..? - who goes on fire...

How many human-skin clutch handbags has he had made..? 0.o

I also prefer not to quote Moriarty, but Sherlock.

Oops. Looks like I prefer Moriarty, then... XD

Oh, and Sherlock sneezed, we all missed it!

So, I give this... **ehem** bloke a... 7.5 out of 10..?

MYCROFT HOLMES

*Oh, LORD, here we go.* My thoughts exactly, Mikey...

Urgh. Mycroft. The umbrella obsessed... YUCK. Sorry, that was to... um... - whats the word? - opinionated...? Yes, opinionated. This is gonna be hard for me, y'all. I literally despise this character. He's just creepy. And freaking MADE the expression 'big brother is watching'...

Right, so, lets get this over with. 

He has a thing for umbrellas. He never actually uses it for what its meant for. Like, hmmm, I dunno, RAIN?! Not as a walking stick, lean-er on-er or whatever the hell else he's used it for. 

Lets see what the fandom's comments are on this weird relationship. First up, we have Mycroft The Rain Dancer...

I'm dancing in the cake crumbs...

Then we have The Umbrella's boyfriend:

I wonder what Mycroft had to say about that...

 And now we all know how Mycroft took care of Sherlock way back in the day... 

More like completely perfect...

And finally... THERE ARE NO WORDS TO DESCRIBE HOW PERFECT THIS IS!

He also loves his umbrella SO MUCH he wears him... her... whatever!

Now, moving on from the umbrella... to CAKE!

Um. He prefers to think in his...

He also was more cut up about this:

... than his brother taking a swan-dive, methinks.

He also is under the false impression that he does everything...

What is this bloke's appeal? I mean, he obviously has fangirls... But, seriously, what is it? The faux-James Bond aura or something? I honestly don't know. I really don't. ...hmmm, maybe its his money, power and EPIC cake-eating abilities. Or the fact that if he shows the umbrella that much devotion, maybe he'll have the same for you. Whatever, man, I don't wanna know. Stick to the dudes who'll always have your back, for me, thank you!

So, Mr Mycroft Holmes, THE British Government, life-long partner to his umbrella and secret voyeur gets a... 4.5 out of 10. And good riddance, too! 




CHARLES AUGUSTUS MAGNUSSEN

Yep, folks, its the last Man in the Sherlock Man-O-Meter, and the almost conclusion of the post. Don't cry, lovvies. More is on the way. ;)

So, this isn't going to be very long. Basically all I can take away from watching this bloke is that he licks stuff MORE than the freaking 10th Doctor...

And he flicks peoples faces. I dunno why, but I know for a fact he dies!

 

So, yeah, like I said, that's what this dude's famous...sorry, infamous for in my mind. 

He gets a -1 out of 10 for creepiness, lickiness, and rude-ness.

So, y'all, this was a LOOOOOOOOONG time coming. But, its finished now, and I sincerely hope you enjoyed.

Give me some feedback, and I might, just might do it for the rest of the fandoms. Nah, just kidding, do what you want, I'm gonna do it anyway. :P

This was loads of fun, see you next time!

Jess out.