Cabin Pressure Season 1, Episode 4 - Douz

 

Hi guys. Just thought I'd let you know... I am in my final year of studies (whether college or high-school, make of that what you will) so I don't have very much time to do anything but study during the week. I barely get to read anymore! But anyways, the whole point of this prologue bit is to say I will be turning out a Cabin Pressure once every one or two weeks. Everyone savvy with that? Thanks, guys, and... ON WITH THE REVIEW!

On a side-sidenote... anyone heard Zurich Pt.1 and 2, yet? I have, and cried so hard it was ridiculous. With both laughter and sadness. Love ya, Cabin Pressure!

*Bing-bong*
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the new review of Cabin Pressure. As usual, there are spoilers ahead. If you do not wish to come across them, please go and listen to this episode with haste and then come back. I'll wait for you....


Favourite Moments and Weird Thoughts:

 

MARTIN (a little more urgently): Actually, I wasn’t being entirely straight with you just now. You see, it’s this damnable sleeping sickness of mine. (He yawns.) Normally, I control it with a mysterious stimulant from South America … (his voice becomes even more urgent) … but, blast it, my supply’s run out! I’m afraid our only hope now is if, by some chance, someone on board knows how to prepare this stimulant and could …

CAROLYN (from the cabin): Yes, we get the message. Arthur, take Martin his coffee.
BEST. INTRODUCTION. EVER.

-Arthur uses 'brilliant' a lot. Camels are brilliant, the Sahara is brilliant. generally, just life itself is brilliant. Why, oh why, can't I have his optimism?

-Douglas only uses petrol stations for Kit Kats. Why do I find that vaguely hilarious...? XP

-And Douglas is also a Sky God. Don't encourage him, Martin!

-MARTIN: Mmm, because of course take-offs are cancelled all the time; landings almost never. ALMOST never?! How about never never?!

-GERTI has a freak-out (what else is new) although...

-Douglas than requires his Biggles Hat, and Martin lands the plane ('I have control! I have control! Control, I have it!) fit to wipe out the dinosaurs.

-So, our Merry Band of MJN Misfits is now stuck in the middle of the desert with a stroppy airport-runner dude, who cannot describe 'fire truck' with any other words than 'fire truck'. Dude! Where's your creativity?!

-Panda Charters went bust. Therefore the Scottish Cricket Team is being flown back to... Scotland? for free by Carolyn and Co. Thats... great.

-So, because Panda Charters went bust, Carolyn has to pay Jutteau before they can go. And they can't.

-Jutteau then surrounds them with all manner of vehicles... and Douglas does something clever to save the day (what else is new?).

-He siphons off the petrol from the surrounding vehicles and gets the cricket team to carry the fire truck (which is in their way) out of the way. And then they decide they're gonna drive to the next nearest airport. DRIVE.

-All throughout the episode, Arthur is taking pictures for MJN's new brochure. The end result...?

Thanks for reading this review, see you next week!

Jess out. :D

Cabin Pressure Review: Season 1 Episode 3 "Cremona"

Hey there, readers!

Its only been... what, a few days? Naturally you've missed me. Don't worry, its all right. I missed me too! Anyway, lets carry on, shall we?

Hello, readers. *insert obligatory spoiler warning here* Yes, I know, I'm doing a Carolyn right now, but its getting boring warning you, and there is only so many ways you can say: Spoilers hereth, do not readeth. Yeah, I just watched Doctor Who's 'The Shakespeare Code'. Sorry for the olde worlde wordse. ;) On with the post... as both Douglas and The Eleventh Doctor say...: GERONIMO!

This blog post... Cremona!

Favourite Moments and Ridiculous Thoughts:

- This week's Pointy End Game is: How Many Song Lyrics/Words We Can Squish Into One Cabin Address. I wonder if real pilots do what these pilots do. Imagine if they did, though. I'd think I'd have a riot if I went on MJN. I think it would be...

And... Douglas one the game hands down... with: Good evening. This is First Officer Douglas Richardson. Just to let you know we’re now making our final preparations to ‘fly you to the moon’. While we’re airborne I do hope you’ll take advantage of the opportunity to ‘play among the stars’. Those of you sitting on the left-hand side of the aircraft should have an excellent view of ‘what spring is like on Jupiter’; and on the right-hand side, ‘Mars’. ‘In other words, hold my hand. In other words, baby, kiss me.’ Whereas, all Martin did was sing:

The plus side is hearing Benedict Cumberbatch SING. Which left me in a fangirl puddle of happiness. How many others of you did it affect so strongly..? Let me know!

- This episode's client is the GREAT, the AWESOME, the BRILLIANTLY TALENTED actress... Hester Macauley...? Who in the heck is she? Besides someone Martin obviously has a humongous crush on. Poor dude. She's not interested in him... what celebrity would be interested in a klutzy, unlucky, gorgeously handsome airline captain, hmm? Yeeeah.

- This Hester chick is a wee bit whiny, actually. Somewhat like how I'd imagine that blond chick who's always wearing pink and named after some dog in High School Musical, actually... Poodle? Chihuahua? Sharpay? Yes! Sharpay! All whiny and 'do this because I am better that you, you're just some sod off the street, where I, I am an actress, and so of course know better than you.' Cannot stand people like that. Thats why Benedict Cumberbatch, David Tennant, Matt Smith, Jensen Ackles, Misha Collins and Jared Padalecki are so awesome. They're humble, and love the fans as much as the fans love them... whoops, that turned into a bit of a lecture.

- The other one who has a... a thing for this British-Sharpay chick is Arthur. He kinda has an aneurysm when Carolyn tells them who it is.

- Apparently, she's a gal who acted in a modern adaptation of 'King Arthur.' And when I say modern, I mean modern: ARTHUR (high-pitched with excitement): She was Griselda, the Lady of the Lake – in-in Quest for Camelot! CAROLYN (disinterestedly): Oh, was she?
ARTHUR: Yes! She’s the one who tells Arthur to bring her Excalibur!
DOUGLAS: Bring her Excalibur? Surely she gives him Excalibur?
ARTHUR: How could she give him Excalibur? Excalibur’s a person.
DOUGLAS: Rrrright. Keen Arthurian scholars were they, these film makers?
ARTHUR: Well, I say ‘person’; obviously it famously turns out he’s a vampire. ...see? Modern. I think Twitlight, sorry, Twilight, was the big fad at the time, or something.

- CAROLYN: Arthur? There’s something on your face.
ARTHUR: Ooh. Got it?
CAROLYN: No, no, lower. It’s hanging off the bottom of your face. It’s a sort of huge shelf of bone and flesh, and it’s flapping about making a horrible noise. Will you make it stop?
ARTHUR: Right. Yes. Sorry, Mum. I BLOODY WELL LOVE THIS SHOW!!

- Isn't it weird that the Excelsior is all high end and five star, whereas the Garbaldi is all cockroach-y and minus-ten star? I mean, Excelsior is a pretty posh and frou-frou, I'd expect that from a 5 star. But Garibaldi for a crap hotel? Didn't Garibaldi do something good for Italy and all that stuff a million years ago? (Yes, I've done History, but I didn't cover that, thank God. XP)

- Oh my, guys, I was looking online for thingies like the thing above to put in this post... and look at what I found!!

It's Douglas as Owl, Martin as Winnie The Pooh, Arthur as Tigger and Carolyn as Rabbit! Oh, that is perfect!

- A whole bunch of 'Hester's fans are outside the cabin  'wearing home-made suits of armour' and 'singing about a dragon' when this chick arrives. They're all men, by the way...

- Hester arrives and Martin... well... Martin's.
HESTER: Oh, hello. MJN Air?
MARTIN: Yes! Hello! Er, good morning, Ms Madam, and wel… Ma-Madam Macauley, Ms Ma’am, Mmm, Ms Macauley.
HESTER: Good! Thank you; but please, call me Hester.
DOUGLAS: Yes – the full title’s rather a mouthful, isn’t it? See? Poor dude. Do you have ANY IDEA how many times I've wanted to hug this guy? Its physically painful listening to him, also being aware that there's nobody around to hug him. (Shut UP, Douglas/Martin shippers!)

- As soon as Hester arrives, she wants to talk to Carolyn because she doesn't have much faith in Martin's flying ability. Carolyn's reply..?

Its not like he's the only pilot, right?

- And now... the one, the only, the infamous... ALTIMETER scene! Hester gets invited by Martin to take a look at the flight deck, and he tells her all the names for all the things that make G-ERTI fly. He gets to the altimeter and...

- This is said with lots of fake, awkward laughter from Martin. Joy.

- Hester then gets all mad at Arthur, yells at Carolyn and makes it known that she's better than all of them. She also wants lemon tea. NOW.

- They land, and go to the Excelsior to drop Hester off. And Martin comes up with a pseudonym that I GUESSED BEFORE HE SAID! A cartoon character of my namesake... altogether now... Jessica Rabbit! And then he calls her 'Mrs Snoopy. *facepalm*

- Hester then convinces dear ol' Martin and the Merry Men of MJN to stay with her at the Excelsior. Martin then decides not to, and goes back downstairs to rescind his... order? Request? And the dude at the counter then says:
RECEPTIONIST: Ooh.
MARTIN: I don’t like the way you said, ‘Oh’. Please tell me it’s a cultural thing and that’s just how you begin the sentence … (in an attempt at an Italian accent) ‘Oh, don’ta worry, sir, that will be no problemo at all.’
RECEPTIONIST: No, the-the-the problem is, er, somebody just tried to rent the State Rooms, and we had to turn him down.
MARTIN: Great. He can have it.
RECEPTIONIST: No-no, he-he’s gone now. Er, we don’t know where.
MARTIN: What did he look like?
RECEPTIONIST: Er-er, he-he-he was a-a big man with a big … coat, er, and a big … beard.
MARTIN: Right, so in the eight minutes since I was last here, Brian Blessed strolled in, tried to rent the most expensive suite in the hotel and then left disappointed for a destination unknown.
RECEPTIONIST: I didn’t get his name. That is the best line, the underlined one, in this whole episode, possibly the whole first season. It has me dying with laughter every time I hear it. :D

- Carolyn has revenge by sending Hester's fans to the hotel, Douglas is awesome and fixes it by saying that the fans were extras, and hey presto! She has..:

- And so, the episode ends with Martin being swindled by Carolyn and Douglas, and Hester all happy and sweet, and barfing up rainbows and everything is right with the world! Hooray!

So, yeah, that's it. Do let me know what you think.

Peace out, dudes! See ya!

Jess.

Cabin Pressure Review: Season 1 Episode 2 "Boston"

Hello, there, ladies and gentlemen! Yes, I am back and more ready for business than ever. Thanks to exams, I have been extremely quiet for a while. But no longer! I hereby introduce... Boston! *accepts cheers and rounds of applause* Thank you, thank you. I shall be here till the end of time. *blows kisses*

Hello ladies and gentlemen, this is your blogger speaking. Please be aware that spoilers are imminent, so if you have not heard this episode, please sit back in your seat, plug in your earphones, and find it on YouTube, or some other such place like that. Thank yourself for your co-operation. 

This post... BOSTON!

Favourite Moments and Extremely Random Thoughts:

-Carolyn really is a rather grumpy lady, isn't she? I don't think she should be in the 'dealing with people' biz at all. But, hey, you get your money wherever you can, right? Even if you do  have a Sherlock Holmes complex (everybody is stupid) and yeah, sure, Arthur isn't the sharpest stripe on the Captain's sleeve, but still!

-This weeks game is a merry one of Simon Says. Who knew he knew so much about flying aeroplanes?

-Our merry crew of MJN'ers are going to be picking up some cross and stroppy Americans. Oh joy! (No disrespect meant to any American readers reading this now)

-Martin and Douglas need 12 hours rest between flights. Is that normal? Or are they ''lazy, lazy pilots'' as Carolyn says?

-DOUGLAS: Ah, well, EasyJet, easy go.

-'Mr Leeman' is our main trouble-maker in this episode... even though he ends up... *abruptly stops typing* I'll tell you later.

-This Leeman bloke really is one utter clotpole! Having had his cigar/cigarette/cigarillo extinguished at disembarkation (by Carolyn putting it out in a glass of wine... though wouldn't the wine catch fire..?) he becomes desperate to have his bloody smoke, and so lights another one in the bathroom. (He put a paper cup over the smoke alarm, but evidently not well enough 'cause GERTI pretty much has a fit. She's a lot like the TARDIS actually... *cloister bell goes off - in this case an alarm in the pointy end* ALERT, ALERT, FIRE ON BOARD! ALERT! And thus, Martin has a hissy-fit.

-Leeman then refuses to come out the loo, Martin refuses to give Douglas his hat, Douglas refuses to take Martin's hat, and... yeah, a whole lot of refusing occurs. What fun.

-Martin therefore decides to take matters into his own hands and goes and talks to Mr Leeman, tries to get some sense into him. That... doesn't quite work out... LEEMAN: You think you can scare me by marching down here in your Fisher Price When-I-Grow-Up-I-Wanna-Be-A-Pilot costume? Give me a break! You’re not the commander of anything! You’re a little guy who can’t get a game with the big boys and wears a uniform like a rear admiral’s to make up for the fact that he’s basically just a flying cabbie. Am I right?

MARTIN: No! No, you’re not right! You’re … (plaintively) … a very rude man. You can’t speak to me like that. I’m the captain!
MR. LEEMAN (in a mock sympathetic voice): Okay, Captain, you run along now and, er … (he takes a drag on his cigar/cigarette/cigarillo) … try not to cry into any important equipment.

 -Martin - with Arthur's help... no wonder something went wrong - comes up with  a plan to stop Mr Leeman. Turns out it was once and for all.

-The only book Arthur has ever read is White Fang. Twice.

-The fire warning light comes on again, Arthur bursts in with a fire extinguisher aaaaannnndddd.... gives Mr Leeman a heart-attack. Wonderful, huh?

-The rest of what occurs can be described in one word: utter chaos and pandemonium. Whoops, not one word. Sorry.

-They divert to Reykjavik. Then carry on to Boston. Then divert to Reykjavik. Then carry on to Boston. This, understandably, makes the tower lady all grouchy, and, not surprisingly, Douglas says:

-They also are aware that there is a doctor on board (alas, neither John Watson or The Doctor) and try and get his attention through various moronic sayings via the cabin address. He finally twigs it and comes and instructs them on how to... build a bridge over Leeman, 'cause he has a 'PHD IN ENGINEERING!' But he does tell them that Leeman... has um... kicked the bucket.

-And thus, Arthur's eulogy ensues...:

-And then they land, Martin is a BAMF, and everybody - except Leeman - goes home happy.

-But not for long! Martin meets up with Douglas, Arthur and Carolyn at the airport next morning. Martin gets stopped being not allowed to take his nose hair strimmer on board. The colossal idiot then tells the airport dude that if he wanted to bring the plane down, there's a freaking axe on the flight deck. He then gets tackled to the ground and arrested for suspicion of terrorism. Like I said.

-So, that appears to be it. Hope you had fun reading this. I sure had fun writing it!

Leave comments on what you thought of this episode, I'll be tickled pink to know someone actually reads it. 'Sides Emily.

Until next time!

Jess out.

Cabin Pressure Review: Season 1 Episode 1 "Abu Dahbi"

(Bing bong)
Hello there, ladies and gentlemen. This is Jess, your slightly mad blogger here. Please do enjoy another experiment I am experimenting on. Its a radio series done by the BBC, - expect feels - and one of the only sources of happiness I am finding in my life right now. No, I'm kidding. I'm completely happy, but this makes me... happier. So, ladies and gents, hold onto your hats, - they're paramount y'know - dodge the occasional spoiler, and read on!

This post, Abu Dhabi!

-Right, so, I have just come across this by reading Benedict Cumberbatch's biography. Weird, huh? So, I went and researched it and found one of the BEST radio comedy series' I've ever heard. Come to think of it... the only one I've ever heard. But, no matter, its still awesome.

-Isn't this cast enough..? 

Going from left to right we have: John Finnemore - the creator - as Arthur, Roger Allam as First Officer Douglas Richardson, Stephanie Cole as Carolyn Knapp-Shappey (Arthur's mum) and finally, if you don't know who he is, please crawl out from the rock you've been living under, and simply go online. Yes, it is the awesome Benedict Cumberbatch as Captain Martin Crieff!


-We start out with Douglas saying this:

And it only gets better from there! And it turns out that this is a cargo flight for them, so.... Douglas is talking to a whole bunch of boxes. And a box-head.

-Douglas and Martin fly the plane in the 'pointy-end' as they like to call it, and make up all sorts of games, because, apparently, flying an airplane must be sooooo boring. This episode they're busy playing Brians of Britain. Yeeeeeaaaaaah. They go all the way from Brian Blessed to Bob Holniss. Do. Not. Ask.

-The amount of sarcasm in this series is hilarious in itself. Its also what partly caught my attention, having become fluent in the language of Sarcasm, thanks to hanging around one Miss Emily Ecrivaine for a year now. See? A conversation between Martin and Arthur: ARTHUR: Skipper, are you sure there’s not enough fuel to wait? ’Cause there’s always a little bit left when the gauge shows red. MARTIN: Yes, oddly enough, Arthur, a jet aircraft isn’t as precisely similar to a Vauxhall Corsa as a stupid person might imagine.

-So, Fitton has a closure, so Martin decides to divert to Briston. The rest of the motley crew of two try to stop him. Douglas even goes as far as lighting a match and saying...:

-So Carolyn gets mad at them for diverting, and makes fly 'Scrooge McDuck Air' as Douglas calls it.

-Carolyn's dog is named 'Snoopadoop'.

-Carolyn told them earlier on that 'some oil exec has moved out there and we’re bringing him everything he owns: furniture, clothes, carpets, cat, the lot' and Martin keeps on being ribbed for leaving the thermostat on in the cargo hold. Ah, the joys of the workplace...

-Arthur cooks their food for them. He creates... um... something called Surprising Rice and the Orange Platter. They send him away, fearing food poison from it, and he comes back with biscuits and strepsils. Charmant.

-Until they realise they have to keep the thermostat on in the cargo hold because of the cat. The thermostat that's on the outside of the plane. And they're in the air...

"Is it three hours and twenty-eight seconds, or is that a weasel in a submarine?"

-MARTIN: If we … if we did carry on and the cat didn’t make it, d’you think they’d be able to tell how it died?
DOUGLAS: Again, I fear you flatter my knowledge of cat pathology.
MARTIN: I don’t see how they could. I mean, it’s not as if it’s gonna freeze into a block of ice, is it?
DOUGLAS: Not unless it’s a cartoon cat, no.
MARTIN: I mean, it’s not as if the Cat CSI’s gonna descend on us.
DOUGLAS: I wouldn’t have thought so. They’re so busy these days.

-Martin decides he can't divert, because Carolyn'd hunt him down with knives, but equally he couldn't kill the clients cat because that would mean more knives.


-Pretty much the last thing we hear is Douglas striking a match... DOUGLAS: I do believe I can smell smoke in the flight deck. Can you smell smoke in the flight deck, Captain? MARTIN: Yes. Yes, I can, Douglas. 

So, there you have it. The total review for Cabin Pressure, Season 1, Episode 1! I hope you enjoyed, and thank you for reading Jess' Blog Posts! Do come again soon. One last thing...

Quotes come from Ariane Devere on cabinpressurefans.co.uk