The Trials I Chose (SPN)

Hullo! Clara here, with another SPN poem for you all. Spoilers for Season 8. Enjoy!

Poem by: Clara Pond

Out with the old, 

And in with the new.

Throw out the false,

Come back with the true.

I'm burning away

The darkness inside.

I've become better

With each tear I've cried.

This isn't suffering,

It's righteous pain.

Think of all

The things I will gain!

These trials are healing,

Not hurting, I believe.

And so I don't wish

For any reprieve.

It has to get worse

Before it gets better.

Please make my heart

Lighter than a feather.

Take all my body,

Take all my soul,

And of these husks of life,

Make something whole.

Father, accept me

Not for who I am,

But for who I can become,

A much better Sam.

And Dean, please see

That after this is done,

I won't be a monster,

The humanity will've won.

I've wanted nothing more

Than a second chance.

An open door, 

A sturdier stance.

And now these trials

Have given me hope.

I looked up the cliff

and grabbed onto the rope.

Every day I'm climbing 

Closer into the light.

Only gold forever,

It's a wonderful sight.

Not a splotch of the black

That roils under my skin.

Making me vile,

Cursed with this sin.

But I feel it leaving,

That demon's touch fading.

And for its demise

I'm just patiently waiting.

So bring on the trials

and I'll do my best.

To become truly human,

I'd take any test.

And I will succeed,

There's no room to fail.

For I have to believe

That good will prevail.

Trinity (Parody of '3')

One, two, three

Harry, Ron, Hermione

That’s the power of three

Doctor, Rory, Amy

Counting…

One, Two, Three

Dean and Cas and Sammy

That’s the power of three

No one can disagree

Superwholock

Why is it always

When something big happens 

You are to blame?

All the ships sink

Bermuda Triangle

And everybody dies

And feels are mangled

Unholy trinity

Mofftiss, Whedon, Kripke; they are deadly

Rowling, Collins, Green

Sobbing…

One, two, three

Harry, Ron, Hermione

That’s the power of three

Doctor, Rory, Amy

Counting…

One, Two, Three

Dean and Cas and Sammy

That’s the power of three

No one can disagree

One, two, three

Hunger Games trilogy

There’s a power of three

In Greek mythology

Counting…

One, two, three

Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli

See the power of three

Edmund, Eustace, Lucy

Three is a charm

Two is not the same

A third wheel always

Helps with stability

So no it’s not true

That three is company

Those who say that have not

Seen the power of three

Unholy trinity

Mofftiss, Whedon, Kripke; they are deadly

Rowling, Collins, Green

Sobbing…

One, two, three

Harry, Ron, Hermione

That’s the power of three

Doctor, Rory, Amy

Counting…

One, Two, Three

Dean and Cas and Sammy

That’s the power of three

No one can disagree

Of course it isn’t always perfect

‘Cause sometimes Death comes to collect

So don’t count on your BroT3

Living through the season finale

Unholy 

Trinity

Get four or even more

One, two, three

Harry, Ron, Hermione

That’s the power of three

Doctor, Rory, Amy

Counting…

One, Two, Three

Dean and Cas and Sammy

That’s the power of three

No one can disagree

Clap (parody of 'Applause')

I’ve heard that people are supposed to change with time

But whoever first said that hadn’t seen a life like mine

I don’t mean to sound rude but I already know

What I’m supposed to be and I don’t need to grow

I’ve got life figured out, no need to shout

I’m confident and not plagued with any semblance of doubt

So put up your hands and cheer for me

I’m what you all should want to be

Give me that thing that I love; your admiration!

Because I deserve it all, no fabrication!

I’m awesome and I know it, no exaggeration!

There’s no way you can top this; no replication

O-M-G E-G-O what’s that you’re saying?

I’m just a fame addict? Well that’s ignorant braying

Clearly you don’t understand what I’ve been saying

Your lack of faith is extremely dismaying

Perhaps you’re just a critic because you’re jealous

I’m sorry you feel that way but I can’t turn this off

One second at the bottom, next moment at the top

I am such perfection why should I ever choose to stop?

I live for the applause, so give me pause

You know I’m worth your time you’d be worthless without me

Adulation affirmation

Because you know I’m great, not late

I am the definition of egotistic

Now don’t you all just believe that I am perfect?

So won’t you pursue me? Your only object?

Your mission is worship me, now do you accept?

O-M-G E-G-O I am amazing

You’re clapping and cheering for me, so affirming

You’ve fed the beast and now I’m slowly mutating

Into a monster of fame, I’m the greatest thing

Since sliced bread

Ooh-ooh-ooh-hoo

Ooh-ooh-ooh-hoo

Ooh-ooh-ooh-hoo

Ooh-ooh

I live for the applause; it is my cause

To be the primadonna that you all want more of

I almost break all the mirrors, and blind cameras

Because I’m so bright and so ultra glamorous

O-M-G E-G-O But I deserve it

I don’t understand why you’re all in a snit

O-V-E-R-T-H-E-T-O-P

Down’s the only way that you can go from the top

I Can't Stop

A starving artist driving herself mad

Trying to salvage writing that is bad

Crying over fanfiction that is really sad

Pajamas are plaid

It’s all she had

Writing the next great bestseller

Burning through poetry helter-skelter

Too much time inside, giving her pallor

A storyteller

A blog-dweller

Blunt pens and crumpled pages everywhere

Trying not to rip out my hair

Because the words aren't cooperating

So I'm crying and perspirating

The characters are so bland

Got writer's cramp in my hand

Better plan on no sleep tonight

Gotta work until I get this right

Gotta write something

My mind is exploding

My fingers are itching

But somehow the words won't come

Got writer's block

Keyboard is locked

But I can't stop,

And I won't stop

Because sleep is not for me

Not until I fix this analogy

And I can't stop

No I won't stop

Got punctuation to double-check

Gotta research how to varnish a deck

Yeah, yeah

She’s going crazy from a lack of sleep

Crying over posts that aren’t actually so deep

Breaking her keyboard from an abuse of ‘delete’

Rinse and repeat

Admit defeat

My phone rang and broke my train of thought

Low on sleep and overwrought

But this rhyme scheme’s bugging me

Why did I ever start writing poetry?

The publisher sent back my book

Said that it needs lots of work

I’m so disgusted

Pencil lead’s busted, oh no!

And nothing is working

My stomach is churning

My tired eyes burning

Because this is the millionth time

That I’ve re-written

This manuscript

But I can’t stop

And I won’t stop

Until the dialogue is smooth and nice

Even if I have to rework it thrice

So I can’t stop

And I won’t stop

Living off bread and water

Sneezed and dripped coffee all over

Oh fudge!

Lack of sleep and too much caffeine

Wastes time reading old magazines

Procrastinating writing that scene

Stuck in-between

Criticism’s extreme

This is the life story of all

Writers whether they’re big or small

Too many ideas, cannot use them all

Head against wall

Need an overhaul

But we can’t stop

And we won’t stop

Because there’s so many tales to tell

Another re-imagining of how Rome fell

So we can’t stop

And we won’t stop

There’s scripts and fanfiction

Writing is our addiction

We’re doomed.

Joker Face

(Parody of 'Poker Face')

I started as a nobody and grew up as a freak

But that was before I made the news going on a crime spree

My girlfriend is a harlequin, my pranks second to none

And we all know Russian Roulette’s not fun without a gun

Oh, ohhhh, oh, ohhhh, oh

I prank and trick, I’m hilarious

Oh, ohhhh, oh, ohhhh, oh

I have to ask: “Why so serious?”

Can’t read my, can’t read my, no they can’t read my Joker face

‘Cause I’m a psychopathic killer

Can’t read my, can’t read my, no they can’t read my Joker face

My theme song is M Jackson’s ‘Thriller’

J-j-j-joker face, J-j-joker face

(You’re stuttering)

J-j-j-joker face, J-j-joker face

(Stop muttering)

Stop being such a wimp; didn’t you get the joke?

Well then I guess it’s time that your fingers were broke

My story’s sad because my dad was just a lazy bum

Who drank too much and hit me up, never let me have fun

Oh, ohhhh, oh, ohhh, oh

I had no chance, to be a kid

Oh, ohhhh, oh, ohhh, oh

So now I take every chance I get

Can’t read my, can’t read my, no they can’t read my Joker face

‘Cause I’m a psychopathic killer

Can’t read my, can’t read my, no they can’t read my Joker face

My theme song is M Jackson’s ‘Thriller’

Harley, come get the piranhas

Getting tired of this drama

I came out here for some fun

I’m not lying, I’m just a big kid at heart, looking

For a party and a joke

And maybe a little chaos

Because I’m all about the games

I never promised it would be painless

Can’t read my, can’t read my, no they can’t read my Joker face

‘Cause I’m a psychopathic killer

Can’t read my, can’t read my, no they can’t read my Joker face

My theme song is M Jackson’s ‘Thriller’

J-j-j-joker face, J-j-joker face

(You’re stuttering)

J-j-j-joker face, J-j-joker face

(Stop muttering)

J-j-j-joker face, J-j-joker face

(You’re stuttering)

J-j-j-joker face, J-j-joker face

(Stop muttering)

J-j-j-joker face, J-j-joker face

(You’re stuttering)

J-j-j-joker face, J-j-joker face

(There’s no running)

Peter (Parody of 'Judas')

Oh-oh-no I’m in love with Spiderman, Spiderman

Oh-oh-no I’m in love with Spiderman, Spiderman

Peter, Peter Parker

Peter, Peter Parker 

Peter, Peter Parker

Peter, Peter Parker

Peter, Peter Parker

Peter, Peter Parker 

Peter, Peter Parker

Spidey, Spiderman!

We’ve known each other ever since first grade

He was a dork and I was Mary Jane

But then the eency weency spider came

And Peter Parker got a cool upgrade

Oh-oh-oh He’s now a spider, and a crime fighter

Oh-oh-oh A vigilante, who’s in love with me

I don’t know what he is, but I do know I’m his

Because he saved me from the balcony

He’s fought a lot of villains and killed the Green Goblin

And he’s made a lot of enemies

I’m not sure if this is wise, but I know he’ll always be in my

Heart even if I say no and leave him for time twenty-two

It’s all for his own good

No I’m not just in a mood

Not trying to be rude

I’m sorry that I made him brood

I know that people think that I’m a fool

A damsel in distress, unwitting tool

Eye candy for Peter to have to save

He deserves better is what they’ll rant and rave

I can’t deny that I can be so shy and needy

And I know I’m one dimensional, not very sensible

I’m sorry for my writing, it’s not all that exciting

But I’m not the one behind the scenes

I’m just in love with Peter, I know now he’s a keeper

And somebody’s got to be there to scream

So I guess I’ll play the girl he has to save along with the world

It hurt my heart when he was down and Venom beat him to the ground

And though now in the reboots

He got a girl in cahoots

She isn’t me but I don’t really mind

Because I’ve got my Peter

My red and blue clad savior

And though Doctor Who made the new

He suits me fine

I’ll always love him

But something’s always pulling me away

If feels like we’ll never win

But at least we escape to fight another day

Another day

Well Peter does the fighting because of lousy writing

And I love him even though I’m flat

I’m a redhead, not a blond; this is why our franchise bombed

And why do I take all the flack?

I’m just a girl who is hopelessly in love with Spiderman

He swings from buildings up above and saves the children on the van

Peter, Peter Parker

Such a smart-mouthed snarker

Peter, Peter Parker

My brave superhero

Time To Play (SPN)

Hullo! Clara Pond again, with another Supernatural poem for you all! Spoiler alert for Season 7, by the way. Enjoy!

Poem by: Clara Pond

(Cover by me... HA. NO. Cover by Emily Ecrivaine, as usual.)

(Based on the Supernatural episode Hello, Cruel World)

Hello Sammy,

My favorite son.

Why don't we 

Have a little fun? 

Oh now, darling, 

Don't you cry. 

Daddy will tell you

Why you'll want to die. 

You see, I will

Always stay by your side. 

Can't escape yourself, 

And there's nowhere to hide. 

Think you've gone mad? 

Well, I'm afraid that's true. 

I mean, great for me, 

But terrifying for you. 

Oh, how you hate me! 

What are you angry for? 

I gave you such power, 

A place in my biggest War! 

I love you so much, 

Raised you behind the scenes. 

I even taught you that 

Everything's not as it seems. 

Oh, now you're shooting! 

Oh Sam, don't you know? 

I'm inside your grapefruit,  

And it's not my time to go. 

See, the only way 

To get rid of me

Is to kill yourself,

But even then you're not free. 

No, I'll just meet you 

When you check in downstairs. 

Because, little Sammy, 

I'm a Father who cares. 

One way or another 

You'll return to your home. 

Maybe with Dean, 

Or just all on your own. 

However you come, 

I'll be here with open arms. 

And then I will have you 

Without any of your friends' charms. 

But until our reunion,

I'll just visit this way. 

Passing by to say hello

Up to your death day.

Pinocchio (SPN)

Clara Pond, here, with another SPN poem for you all! As Emily loves to boast, I've been completely sucked into the Supernatural fandom. I mean, how could I not be? It's just so awesome! Anyway, this is a poem I wrote for the... well, let's say "new" Sammy, at the beginnings of Season 6. If you haven't seen Season 6, SPOILERS AHEAD!

Poem by: Clara Pond

(Cover, as always, by Emily Ecrivaine)

(Based on the Supernatural episode Clap Your Hands If You Believe)

They say I'm not human,

Without a feeling heart.

Robotic, monster, freak,

They don't know where to start.

But they don't understand,

The freedom the soulless gain.

True, I'm not one of them,

But I don't care to be the same.

Pinocchio doesn't want to be

A real boy anymore.

Because now he's figured out

What new things are in store.

He can do such evil deeds

That he used to dread and fear.

But now he's finally seen the light,

Knows how the darkness is so near.

Why should he care for others,

When all they do is crawl and hide?

They're weak, like he once was,

Before he took a little Hell ride.

The soul is such a heavy thing,

It makes us cry and laugh and love.

But the pain it came with burned,

Made me pray to The Lord above.

Now that Lucifer's set me free,

It's him I should thank every night.

For ending old Sammy's torture,

For ending dear Sam's brutal fight.

Those feelings are the curse we bear

As God's most loved playthings.

He likes to watch our struggles,

See the feelings his decision brings.

The decision was to give us hurt

In the form of a wretched soul.

It made me care for brother Dean so,

And in my heart he burned a hole.

It grew with each time I saw him die,

Or loathe me, or scream out hate.

Every time he wasn't the one I knew,

When he started to follow his Fate.

But now that hole is gone,

Filled up with all my hunting dreams.

Because Sam no longer cares

About the innocent's dying screams.

And that 'bond of family'

Was cut along with my caring.

My life is my own,

And I'm not interesting in sharing.

Shopping Mall

         

Black Friday came, got our coupons saved, 70% off!

Brand new TV’s, retro DVD’s, a portrait of Rachmaninoff

We scrimped and we saved

Prepping for this day

‘Best bargains of the year!’

No, Miss Gator Purse

You won’t get there first

Missing it’s my greatest fear

Oh it’s madness at the shopping mall

As the shoppers flock and push and shove

Mashed against the doors before them all

I wonder “Does all this trouble pay back enough?”

This crowd seems kind of rough!

Inside you’ll find nobody’s kind as we fight over the last shoe

It’s sick, insane, a messed-up game, but what else can we do?

Happens once a year

Money’s oh so dear

Gotta go to the sales

After Thanksgiving

Buy everything

Reduced prices, you cannot fail

Oh it’s madness at the shopping mall

As we help boost the economy

Consumerism’s taking over all

Of our brains and leaving us with stuff we don’t need

I never meant to start a fight

I just needed those gloves more than you

I’m sorry for the knee to the gut

But I need the toilet cleaner too

I never meant to start a war

Are you gonna sit and sulk and stew?

Well, in that case the joke’s on you

Everything you’ll miss with this hissy fit

Bruises are part of the day

Because it’s madness in the shopping mall

As the shoppers flock and push and shove

Stay on your toes and on the ball

If you want to walk out with something to show

For your suffering at the shopping mall

Is it worth it to come way out here

And fight each other over re-hashed sales

That were tried out on us, earlier this year?

I pity the poor cashiers!

©Emily Ecrivaine (2014)

Talk Nerdy To Me

My reaction to 95% of pop stars...including the one who performed today's song to be parodied.

         By now most of you possessing functioning radios and ears have probably heard the Jason Derulo single 'Talk Dirty To Me'. If you haven't, consider yourself lucky. If you have, I apologise. I know I had nothing to do with the writing, producing, or distribution of this song...but I still apologise. On behalf of all 'dumb guys who get laid a lot and then sing about it', I would like to apologise for them. They don't know any better. Not that that's really an excuse...

        ESPECIALLY for what he did to this song! Oh sure the lyrics are filthy, disgusting, and objectify women like there's no tomorrow (and not even in ways that could be seen as a lame attempt at 'complimentary' or 'funny') but the musician in me just sobs that these offensive and badly-written lyrics were assigned to such a great backing track. Seriously. How could they go so wrong with that funky beat and catchy brass section? Hmmm. Where do I begin?

       Nope. No. I'm not going to do it. First of all, I don't wish to pollute my mind further with that reprehensible waste of good music that isn't worth my time. Secondly, I don't think Mr. Derulo deserves (or cares about) my opinion on his chart-topping single. Thirdly, I don't want to give it any more unneeded recognition. So I wrote some alternate lyrics for us all to sing next time it gets stuck in our heads. I apologise for the clunky rhyming scheme. I had to follow what was originally set in stone, after all.

Time to log into Facebook, check the dashboard feed

That new Hawkeye teeshirt, is just what I need

Can’t answer the age-old question

Star Trek or Star Wars?

But I stay loyal to The Doctor

Could I ask for more?

Got collectibles of Darth Vader and Luke

I hope Jar Jar Binks gets nuked

All you really need to understand is

How to talk nerdy to me

Talk nerdy to me

Talk nerdy to me

Talk nerdy to me

Throw some geek in too

Come watch The Hunger Games

Come read The Hobbit

Oh I can show you the world

Open your mind to it

I’ll be the friend at your side

Hogwarts to Arda

Through space and time together

The Merlin to your Arthur

There’s a whole world out there to be explored

And when you come to the end, then you’ll be wanting more

So keep it simple, start with Psyche

And then you can talk nerdy to me

Talk nerdy to me

Talk nerdy to me

TV – The Big Bang Theory

Books – Redwall and Percy

Films – Guardians of the Galaxy

Yes, I know I’m white and nerdy

Oh yeah!

It’s Orphan Black and Veronica Mars

Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. and The Fault in Our Stars

Math and science, language and grammar

It’s fun to fill your mind and banter

Gathering knowledge from every corner

You’re an inter-dimensional explorer

Making friends ‘twixt the pages of a book

There’s Peter, Wendy, Captain Hook

Or maybe you prefer to watch them on TV

Where Peter is evil and mean as can be

I want to share these things with you

They’re so wonderful, full of great value

You’ll be glad you started, though you’re never done

So d’you think you’re ready to join a fandom?

Insanity or boredom, pick your poison

Come on, admit it, you enjoyed that fanfic

Not like I'm asking you to belt out Queen in public

If you want there’s a House marathon tonight

So come and talk nerdy with me

Talk nerdy with me

Talk nerdy with me

Talk nerdy with me

Talk nerdy with me

Throw a little geek in

  

The Feels Never Bothered Me Anyway (A Frozen Parody)

The scene pans out as the character dies,

Not a glimmer of hope to be seen--

Unless the show is cancelled,

I hope a fake-out is routine;

I'm forced to linger with this swirling storm inside--

I can't help myself, heaven knows I've tried...

Don't get attached, just let them go—

For heaven's sake, it's just a show!

They're actors, paid to make a scene—

But they're real to me!!!!!

Let it out! Let it out!

Can't hold it in any more!

Let it out! Let it out!

I don't have to be so sore!

I don't care what they have in store!

Let the show move on!

The feels never bothered me anyway!

It's funny how good scripting

Can make me feel so strong!

It's sheer manipulation,

And it's why I wrote this song!

It's time to realize my feels,

I've reached the limit, I can't deal!

You've killed him off, just for the views—

I feel so used!

Let it out! Let it out!

Let's just admit I cried!

Let it out! Let it out!

My brain and heart are fried!

Why did you make me like this guy?

How can life go on?

Emotions flurry every time I see his face;

I'm fantasizing rescues from that unfair coup de grace!

In memes and fanfiction, I've found my happy place!

I'm never going back! I've joined the Fandom Race!!
 

Let it out! Let it out!

Our freak flag's flying high!

Let it out! Let it out!

The best ones ne'er say die!!

Here I stand as the music fades

Screaming in the dark...

The feels get the best of me every time. 

© Leslie Conzatti

Normal?!

        

         Hi, everybody! So I know that the song 'Royals' has been done to death, really I do. Contrary to popular opinion, I'm not actually a hermit and I don't live under a rock. (It's actually a turtle shell...but who's keeping score?) So here is the poem I have subtitled Another Royals Parody (for that is what it is) and it is dedicated to all my fellow geeks, nerds, fanboys, fangirls, or whatever you wish to label yourself as. Enjoy!

You know Buffy’s my drug of choice

You know I spent my savings on all the posters

And if my eyes seem kinda moist

I’ve just got off Moffat’s rollercoaster

So don’t you tease about dating, romance, ‘obsessing’ over hedgehogs

Fake geek girls, why I don’t go for your heartthrobs

I don’t care! I’m fighting Klingons in my dreams

And you know I like X-Men, Firefly, Star Wars, Supernatural

Fred and George, Frodo, and of course Gabriel

Don’t you know? They’ve been my friends for many years!

And I’ll never be normal (normal)

It’s not compatible with my blood

That kind of life is not for me

I crave a different cup of tea

I’ll be your dungeon master (master)

Know every line of Merlin

And, mocker, I’ll rule, I’ll rule, I’ll rule, I'll rule

‘Cause normal’s so boring

My friends and I talk through chat rooms

We share spoilers and have virtual parties

And everyone who knows us knows

Stay out of our way after a SuperWhoLock finale!

The fandom life is made up of sobs and sniffles and smiles

The sniffles win out, but we’d walk 500 miles

Just to be at ComiCon in person, yeah

And we improve our minds writing fanfic, doing fanart and cosplay

Learning Elvish, crying over soufflés

And that’s okay, because we do it as a team

And we’ll never be normal (normal)

That’s illogical indeed

‘Cause Narnia's calling our name

And World of Warcraft’s a great game

Let’s all bond over music (music)

Weird Al or The Beatles?

And that’s how we roll, we roll, we roll, we roll

We also hunt Internet Trolls

Ooh ooh oh

I just don’t know what we would do

Without friends that stick just like glue

Ooh ooh oh

Close as brothers and sisters

Tributes, Potterheads, Whovians, Ringers

My friends are not real friends you say?

Is that because we met online through our writing?

And ‘cause at the end of the day

We have each other’s backs when feels threaten drowning?

Oh now you’ve gone way too far, that’s not cool, did your mother teach you manners?

*Reach for wand and phaser and my best screwdriver*

I know ways to hide your salted and burnt corpse, dude!

Insult me all you want but you’d better leave my friends alone

See? This is why geeks so often sit at home

Don’t you see? If this was about sports buddies, I’d be rude!

Because that would be normal (normal)

But it’s kinda pointless anyway

Because that word is so cliché

A setting on your dryer, they say

And just because we have Vulcans (Vulcans)

Doesn’t make us better than you

But at least we’re not rude, not rude, not rude, not rude

Which is more than we can say for you

©Emily Ecrivaine (2014)