Talk Nerdy To Me

My reaction to 95% of pop stars...including the one who performed today's song to be parodied.

         By now most of you possessing functioning radios and ears have probably heard the Jason Derulo single 'Talk Dirty To Me'. If you haven't, consider yourself lucky. If you have, I apologise. I know I had nothing to do with the writing, producing, or distribution of this song...but I still apologise. On behalf of all 'dumb guys who get laid a lot and then sing about it', I would like to apologise for them. They don't know any better. Not that that's really an excuse...

        ESPECIALLY for what he did to this song! Oh sure the lyrics are filthy, disgusting, and objectify women like there's no tomorrow (and not even in ways that could be seen as a lame attempt at 'complimentary' or 'funny') but the musician in me just sobs that these offensive and badly-written lyrics were assigned to such a great backing track. Seriously. How could they go so wrong with that funky beat and catchy brass section? Hmmm. Where do I begin?

       Nope. No. I'm not going to do it. First of all, I don't wish to pollute my mind further with that reprehensible waste of good music that isn't worth my time. Secondly, I don't think Mr. Derulo deserves (or cares about) my opinion on his chart-topping single. Thirdly, I don't want to give it any more unneeded recognition. So I wrote some alternate lyrics for us all to sing next time it gets stuck in our heads. I apologise for the clunky rhyming scheme. I had to follow what was originally set in stone, after all.

Time to log into Facebook, check the dashboard feed

That new Hawkeye teeshirt, is just what I need

Can’t answer the age-old question

Star Trek or Star Wars?

But I stay loyal to The Doctor

Could I ask for more?

Got collectibles of Darth Vader and Luke

I hope Jar Jar Binks gets nuked

All you really need to understand is

How to talk nerdy to me

Talk nerdy to me

Talk nerdy to me

Talk nerdy to me

Throw some geek in too

Come watch The Hunger Games

Come read The Hobbit

Oh I can show you the world

Open your mind to it

I’ll be the friend at your side

Hogwarts to Arda

Through space and time together

The Merlin to your Arthur

There’s a whole world out there to be explored

And when you come to the end, then you’ll be wanting more

So keep it simple, start with Psyche

And then you can talk nerdy to me

Talk nerdy to me

Talk nerdy to me

TV – The Big Bang Theory

Books – Redwall and Percy

Films – Guardians of the Galaxy

Yes, I know I’m white and nerdy

Oh yeah!

It’s Orphan Black and Veronica Mars

Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. and The Fault in Our Stars

Math and science, language and grammar

It’s fun to fill your mind and banter

Gathering knowledge from every corner

You’re an inter-dimensional explorer

Making friends ‘twixt the pages of a book

There’s Peter, Wendy, Captain Hook

Or maybe you prefer to watch them on TV

Where Peter is evil and mean as can be

I want to share these things with you

They’re so wonderful, full of great value

You’ll be glad you started, though you’re never done

So d’you think you’re ready to join a fandom?

Insanity or boredom, pick your poison

Come on, admit it, you enjoyed that fanfic

Not like I'm asking you to belt out Queen in public

If you want there’s a House marathon tonight

So come and talk nerdy with me

Talk nerdy with me

Talk nerdy with me

Talk nerdy with me

Talk nerdy with me

Throw a little geek in